How did you stick to decision not to potch?

amother

Teal

Fri, Mar 31 2017, 2:18 pm

dont be too hard on yourself, children dont come with instruction manuals and parents don't become effective by giving birth. you just need some skills. you are potching because you dont know how else to deal with the behavior and crying. read some parenting books and good luck. I recommend "siblings without rivalry" by faber and mazlish

Blue jay

Fri, Mar 31 2017, 2:35 pm

greenfire wrote:

so you are saying they asked for it much like a rape victim asks for it Confused

Greenfire, I liked your post about consistency however this comment I felt was unfair. Amother was describing her emotional response when her kids push her buttons for negative attention.
I commend the said "amother" for recognizing her frustration and learning how to deal with it so that she does not "potch" her children.

Blue jay

Fri, Mar 31 2017, 2:39 pm

amother wrote:

U are basically saying it's ok. I'm sorry ur child annoys u so much that u just lose it and hit them. If u can't handle an annoying child then stop having kids. Even the easiest children have their bad days-not an excuse for you to hit out of anger. I personally don't believe in hitting ever, but I can understand someone doing it as a teaching tool, not just because their child is just so intense. That makes you a bad mother.

Unfair attack.
Amother never said she "loses it and hits them"

amother

Rose

Mon, Apr 03 2017, 12:35 am

greenfire wrote:

so you are saying they asked for it much like a rape victim asks for it Confused

Wow, I just saw this response. shock

Yeah, if a woman stripped in front of a guy and started stroking him and asking him "whhhyyyyyyyyy don't u come onto me??!?!???!???" I would def say she asked for it.

If a kid deliberately ignores what u say, walks over to the few month old baby and slaps him, making sure u are watching, announces "good the baby is crying", rips up the new book u bought him, pours his drink on the floor and picks up a plastic knife and threatens the younger kids, while u calmly try to discipline him, yeah that kid was trying to escalate u to a strong emotional response. That kid will probaby get you to do stuff u never imagined doing.

Not a justificatin at all, an acknowlegment that this is why you found urself in a sitchuation wher you felt in the moment that potching was the only thing to do.

Only after you were pushed that far will u realize that the typical parenting methods that worked with all ur older kids just arent gonna cut it with this one, and you need to find something more effective 4 him.

Thats why I said not to blame urself. It's not your fault your kid pushed you this far. It is only ur fault if once u realize whats going on you don't then take steps to ensure it doesn't happen again.

I'm doing much better with "raisng your difficult child" workbook. Not perfect by a far shot but much better than b4. Havent hit the kid since, though by golly hes tried to get me to. I can't say Im supper proud of everything I try to impose some limits and safety in my home, but I am a person who is trying. Not a rapist, tyvm.

I;d like to see how long u would last with my dear child before you also break ur own rules about calm discipline......