MYOB? | Imamother

amother

Green

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 5:55 am

My daughter and sil with their 2 girls (live in Israel) ages 20 months and 3.5 years old are here for pesach. Have not seen them since the summer

We are enjoying them and kids are adorable. But the younger one is really really overweight. I was quite shocked. my daughter is quite thin and her dh is too. Surprisingly my daughter doesn't seem to worried about it and she has not raised this topic other than to kind of joke about it. But it's no
Joke. she eats or can eat all day. She probably eats as much as I do.
My daughter and I have a very close relationship but she has yet to ask if I think she's too heavy for her age. I don't want to give advice when not asked and I know she would feel bad and feel self conscious about her if I mentioned s/t. My daughter is very health conscious limits treats to shabbos only. But I almost feel desgustednwhen I see her eating non stop - banana, yogurt, cereal, another banana ..... for breakfast!
Thoughts???

FranticFrummie

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 6:07 am

Disgusted? By a BABY? It sounds like you have serious personal issues around food and weight.

My DD was a butterball at that age. Her pediatrician joked about it, but wasn't the least bit worried. Her waist size did not change from age 2 to age 6 (I know, because I sewed all of her skirts. The skirts kept getting shorter as she grew, but they always fit around her waist.)

Kids will thin out as they grow up. Everyone has their own pattern. If the doctor is not worried, then you shouldn't be either.

Please get therapy, and don't project your body image concerns on other people. Fat shaming a 20 month old is not normal.

amother

Wine

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 6:33 am

No, you should not say a thing, and you should work on your thoughts about it too. Your daughter is bring healthy food into the family and neither your daughter or SIL is fat. That means there is about a 99% chance that your granddaughter will be thin by the time she is 4. My son was in the 90% for weight and 50% for height until he was 2, and then by the time he was 3 was in the 40% for weight, where he stays now, at 6. There is nothing to worry about. Your post makes it seem like you have body images/weight hang ups yourself, and transferring them to your daughter or granddaughter will destroy your relationship.

petiteruchy

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 8:20 am

I would seriously consider doing some personal work on your reactions to food and weight. I sincerely hope you have a positive connection to your own body and that you didn't react this way to your own children, but given your post, I don't think that's likely.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think you're a bad person. This is incredibly common, but we're really only now realizing how damaging this kind of attitude towards food and body size are. It's generational, and it leads to behavior that damages brain pathways and metabolism. We actually can alter our own healthy, natural functions. Chances are, your daughter has absorbed some of these messages from her childhood. Hopefully she's realized how unhealthy they are, and is working on resetting her own attitudes and on not subconsciously passing them down.

First, and most importantly: people come in all shapes and sizes, and given access to primarily healthy, fresh foods and opportunity for natural movement, children will settle into their genetically preset body size without issue. And for some people, that's going to be heavier than is currently considered "normal". And that's ok. Heavy people are normal. Big boned, solid girls are normal. Their bodies are strong and capable and beautiful.

Secondly: many children will naturally chunk up and thin out throughout their childhood and all the way up into adulthood. A lot of damage has been done to naturally developing boys and girls because no one in their lives understood that developing a tummy pudge or chubbiness is a normal precursor to a growth spurt... girls are often chubbier in their teens than they are as adults.

So, again: given access to primarily healthy, fresh foods (and yes, WHAT to eat does become a challenging question in this age of overly accessible calories) and opportunity for natural physical movement, children will naturally follow their preset genetic codes. Children are sensitive to subconscious messaging about body size and need the adults in their lives to be protective of this. Unhealthy messages about weight and self worth can damage neural pathways and lead to behavior that damages metabolism.

I hope I'm not being too heavy handed but this is my soapbox. I see so many people with such messed up internal messaging about fat and it's such a shame. It really messes up so many people.

33055

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 9:08 am

amother wrote:

I think you have to MYOB as you have been doing, but fat kids turn into fat adults. The posters here are wrong, and you should have the information if your daughter approaches you.

Overweight kids as young as 5 (which is the youngest age studied) have a tenfold increased chance of growing up to be overweight adults with the attendant health problems. 80% of adolescent teens grow up to be overweight adults.

BTW this is only logical; besides, it is supported by studies.

Q: Are overweight and obese children more likely to become obese — and sick — as adults?

A: I'd say the answer [to the first part] is: definitely.

This is a quote from Epidemiologist David Freedman from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity studies that question.

http://content.time.com/time/h......html

youngishbear

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 9:38 am

Squishy wrote:

I think you have to MYOB as you have been doing, but fat kids turn into fat adults. The posters here are wrong, and you should have the information if your daughter approaches you.
k
Overweight kids as young as 5 (which is the youngest age studied) have a tenfold increased chance of growing up to be overweight adults with the attendant health problems. 80% of adolescent teens grow up to be overweight adults.

BTW this is only logical; besides, it is supported by studies.

Q: Are overweight and obese children more likely to become obese — and sick — as adults?

A: I'd say the answer [to the first part] is: definitely.

This is a quote from Epidemiologist David Freedman from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's division of Nutrition, Physical Activity and Obesity studies that question.

http://content.time.com/time/h......html

5 year olds... but 20 months??

My skinniest baby is my chubbiest toddler. She might turn out to be the skinniest adult, or not. She is just as lovable, either way.

33055

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 9:49 am

youngishbear wrote:

5 year olds... but 20 months??

My skinniest baby is my chubbiest toddler. She might turn out to be the skinniest adult, or not. She is just as lovable, either way.

ITA that heavy people are loveable. There is no question about this. But there is also no question that being overweight is linked to increased health risks like diabetes, etc.

And some children are big boned. And there are different body types. But childhood obesity is linked to obesity as an adult.

The overweight children I grew up with including cousins and friends are ALL overweight adults.

petiteruchy

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 10:08 am

Being fat does NOT mean you are more physically unhealthy. Just like being thin doesn't mean you are healthy. The science is far from conclusive on the actual point where fat becomes destructive rather than neural or even positive. There's actually a fair bit of research showing that "excess" body weight can have a protective effect on older women in menopause. You also can't easily separate the negative health effects of fat from the damage caused by a life time of dieting and restricting, and the negative mental effects of being fat in a thin obsessed world.

That heavy children often grow up to be heavy adults means one of three things... Either that is their natural body shape and no amount of diet and exercise will change it, OR people's messed up expectations ( from, apparently, as young as twenty months!!!) have led to a life time of metabolism destroying binge dieting and mentally destructive body hate, or there is an underlying physical issue such as thyroid or something else, which should be dealt with professionally and neutrally by a doctor.

And what, exactly, will you do with this information that fat 5 year olds become fat adults? Start calorie restricting a healthy young child? Start extra early with the messaging that fat is the worst possible outcome?

amother

Beige

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 10:09 am

I don't know why everyone is so shocked by your concern. Being very overweight is a health issue, even for toddlers. However, you're right in making the call to myob. My in laws always comment about my kids weight- when they were babies they were so fat, now they're too skinny... In fact they have always been just about the 50th percentile lol. I just smile and say the doctor said they're doing great. I know that isn't the same as what you're describing but I'm sure the pediatrician has brought it up if in fact there is reason to be concerned. Babies and toddlers have frequent well visits and it likely came up. If your daughter asks you, you can agree that she seems to be hungry often. Then just ask her what the doctor has said.

33055

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 10:26 am

petiteruchy wrote:

Goodness. There is a fourth reason. They are overweight because they overeat. Being overweight is tied to health risks. There is no getting around that. All bodies are not healthy.

I would start on healthy eating with an overweight 5 year old. I would never use food to sooth or give food to keep the child from being bored. There would be no Shabbos parties. I would take the kids to a playground as a substitute activity. Cut up vegetables would be the snack of choice.

I see in my community as soon as the car starts, the food comes out. It is conditioned. This happens even on a ten minute car ride. There are a lot of positive changes that can be done without shaming the child.

petiteruchy

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 10:47 am

The op said the child was eating healthy food. The food example she gave was typical for my youngest, who is an insane bundle of energy. I'll say it again. 20 months old, the child is not eating out of boredom or overeating. The child comes with a preprogrammed satiation switch that should be untampered with. A chubby 20 month old is not in ANY universe a cause for concern. Of any kind. Let alone from a grandma who is "disgusted" by watching her eat a banana.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Apr 02 2017, 10:54 am

Squishy wrote:

If we're going by anecdotal evidence, all of my siblings were the fattest, roundest babies. By the time they were 3 they had all slimmed down, and everyone in my family is at their ideal weight or slight below it.

You quoted studies that are irrelevant here. 5 year olds are not 20 month olds. Is there any study which proves that fat babies make overweight adults?