If you were not you...

zaq

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 8:22 pm

Boca00 wrote:

I don't ask anyone how they see me. But when multiple people make the same unsolicited comments over and over, then yes, I have an idea of how people see me.

Don't you know if people think you're popular or socially off or just regular? If people think your gorgeous or plain? If people think you're kind and sweet, or too honest or downright nasty?

No, I only know what I think, and what I imagine others think is intensely colored by what I think. I would be astonished if my friends, my older siblings, my younger siblings, my children, my spouse, my clients, the people I supervise, the people who supervise me, my previous boss, my boss before that, my driving instructor, my hairdresser, my banker, my rabbi, the guy who catered my son’s bar mitzvah, or my next door neighbor all saw me the same way.

Good grief, when I went to my ds first parent-teacher conference, and the teacher said “ Zevi is so this and that” I stared in bewilderment and asked “are you talking about MY Zevi? Zevi Zaqarias? Skinny blond kid with glasses?” What the teacher was describing sounded nothing like the kid I knew. Because in fact people can be very different in different situations and in different company. (Not to worry, it was all good, it was just a side of him he didn’t show at home.)

Boca00

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 8:37 pm

zaq wrote:

I would be very surprised if my friends, my older siblings, my younger siblings, my children, my spouse, my clients, the people I supervise, the people who supervise me, my previous boss, my boss before that, my driving instructor, my hairdresser, my banker, my rabbi, or my next door neighbor all saw me the same way.

Good grief, when I went to my oldest child’s first parent-teacher conference, and the teacher said “ Zevi is so this and that” I stared in bewilderment and asked “are you talking about MY Zevi? Zevi Zaqarias?” What the teacher was describing sounded nothing like the kid I knew. Because in fact people can be very different in different situations and in different company.

Yes, people may behave somewhat differently in different situations, but many things also do not change. For example, if you're thin or heavy, have a big nose or big eyes, are sensitive and kind or rude and obnoxious, intelligent or foolish, etc.

But IME my friends, my older siblings, my younger siblings, my children, my spouse, my clients, the people I supervise, the people who supervise me, my previous boss, my boss before that, etc all say consistently the same things to me. I get the same comments from strangers, acquaintances, close friends and family. So yes, I do know what people think of me.

amother

Ivory

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 8:50 pm

I agree with Boca00. I know that people see me as a confident person who does not care what others think of her, motivated, happy and outgoing. I know this for a fact because people over and over tell me so. Personally I see myself as lacking self esteem, ugly and lazy at times, I would faster be friends with myself based on how others see me vs how I see myself.

simba

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 9:02 pm

I am going to lean towards boca's opinion as well. I definitely have a good sense of what people view me as. Obviously I have my own opinion and my spouse sees me differently then the people I manage but the general consensus is similar. If my spouse met my 1st grade teacher they would still be able to talk about the funny, loud and smart girl that I am.
Yes, my spouse knows my dark side and my mother knows my faults yet I don't fully change persona when wearing my different hats of life.

To answer the post, If I were not me I probably wouldn't like me unless the real me was nice to the not me.

zaq

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 9:06 pm

Boca00 wrote:

I don't ask anyone how they see me. But when multiple people make the same unsolicited comments over and over, then yes, I have an idea of how people see me.
?

Very interesting. The only unsolicited comments I get over and over are “ that’s a great haircut, who’s your hairdresser?” and “your collar’s crooked.”

simba

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 9:29 pm

zaq wrote:

Very interesting. The only unsolicited comments I get over and over are “ that’s a great haircut, who’s your hairdresser?” and “your collar’s crooked.”

You never get? "Wow, your full of personality", "you have such a good heart", " you are so fun to be with"', "you are so articulate", "you have a way with people"??
I do..not all of the above and not from the same person but enough to have a sense of how the people in my life view me.

Boca00

Thu, Nov 23 2017, 10:01 pm

zaq wrote:

Very interesting. The only unsolicited comments I get over and over are “ that’s a great haircut, who’s your hairdresser?” and “your collar’s crooked.”

You also get lots of comments on your intelligent, thought-provoking posts on every subject, your excellent parenting advice and your literary prowess. Over and over by many different posters. Just sayin'.