Do you ever go through your husband’s texts?

toysrus

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 8:25 am

dont c what the big deal is, lots of times if im just sitting around n happen to see hubs phone I'll skim thru his texts, it's like browsing thru a mildly interesting magazine cos u just happenned to find it around

toysrus

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 8:27 am

Squishy wrote:

Then don't post if you don't want responses. I find your behaviour not that of a grown-up. I could even excuse someone who disclosed a text for SB. But your behavior is immature and a violation of privacy without a good reason.

Chill!!!its immature not to be able to understand ppl can do things differently to u and still dont deserve a label 'immature' 'intruder' etc

33055

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 8:35 am

toysrus wrote:

Chill!!!its immature not to be able to understand ppl can do things differently to u and still not deserve a label 'immature' 'intruder' etc

I don't remember labeling her an intruder, nor did I label her husband an intruder. Not respecting privacy is immature.

Perhaps your DH's friends wouldn't like to know their messages are put out there for your reading entertainment. I would be appalled of my teens acted like this.

amother

Taupe

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 10:05 am

Squishy - by any chance have you had a previous negative experience with someone reading a private message?

Bc your coming over like this has hit a raw nerve.

Maya

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 10:49 am

amother wrote:

I would never go through DH's phone and he would never go through mine. That said, I belong to family WhatsApp groups that he has no patience for and I will occasionally show him something that I think will interest him. We will also show each other texts if there's something going on that we need to keep up with and we're in public or in front of the kids and don't want to say anything out loud (ie like today when a family member was in the hospital and we were getting updates while at a Chanukah party for a different side of the family).

Exactly this for us, too.
I agree it's a violation of privacy. My husband and I both have friends who discuss personal things with us in messages, and it's not okay to show them around.

I find it sad if a couple needs to "discuss" their day by scrolling through each other's phones. What happened to good old spoken conversation between spouses, analyzing the events and talking about reactions and feelings, instead of getting only dry facts from (private) text messages.

Laiya

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 11:14 am

amother wrote:

I couldn't if I wanted to. DH has his computer and his phone password locked, and takes them with him everywhere he goes.

I don't know if he's paranoid in general, or if he's hiding something.

Does your dh manage financial accounts from his phone? That would be a legitimate reason to have it password protected.

33055

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 11:43 am

amother wrote:

Squishy - by any chance have you had a previous negative experience with someone reading a private message?

Bc your coming over like this has hit a raw nerve.

Read my 8:36 a.m. post.

For all those that think it is "mildly entertaining" to read DH's friends' messages, how would you feel if your messages were the mild entertainment? Don't think that he isn't showing your messages around.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 11:49 am

Squishy wrote:

A lot of people actually think that spouses tell each other everything, by default unless specifically asked not to.

Maybe that’s a spin-off.

33055

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:06 pm

amother wrote:

A lot of people actually think that spouses tell each other everything, by default unless specifically asked not to.

Maybe that’s a spin-off.

I realize spouses share. It is one thing to tell what went on during a phone call and another to allow a spouse to listen in.

BTW, I would never tell DH about a confidential phone call.

amother

Puce

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:12 pm

Squishy wrote:

What the hell....
This is no answer, this is calling names and not understanding why someone gets hurt.
Come on grow up. It's so immature to think that your helping.

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:12 pm

Squishy wrote:

I realize spouses share. It is one thing to tell what went on during a phone call and another to allow a spouse to listen in.

BTW, I would never tell DH about a confidential phone call.

And it seems most people here who share their phones don’t engage in confidential texts.

dr. pepper

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:14 pm

Laiya wrote:

Does your dh manage financial accounts from his phone? That would be a legitimate reason to have it password protected.

Yes...password protected. But to not share the password with his wife? That's strange. My DH has a smart phone, I do not.
I have the password to his phone and check it for family whatsapps. I would never go through his personal whatsapss or texts/ emails.
It's just not yashrus.
But that does not require needing to keep a password from a spouse.

33055

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:17 pm

amother wrote:

And it seems most people here who share their phones don’t engage in confidential texts.

But do ALL their friends and family know their texts are public? If they are told in advance that's fine.

amother

Puce

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:19 pm

Squishy wrote:

I will change the phrasing.

People don't have the right to judge what others would prefer to be confidential.

I don't text any deep dark secrets, yet I still value my privacy. If I text something, I trust it is not for publication. This is why this type of behavior is illegal in most countries.

I dropped a very close friend for this. I realized she showed my texts to a third party. I am 100% not interested in being her friend, nor am I interested in explaining to her she betrayed me.

She texted me for advice for her problem. She showed my responses. I am certain. She probably thinks I am angry at her because of her problem. This is the farthest thing from the truth. Our values are too different to be friends anymore.

I think OP is not talking about forwarding messages.
It is not equal at all.

amother

Jade

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:20 pm

I don't understand this "seeing interesting things or about his day" thing. If someone texts my husband a joke or a meme that he thinks I'd like, he just, you know, texts it directly to me. It does happen now and then that, say, dh can't pick up his phone and I can and he asks me to pull something up ("what time did ploni say I need to be there?"). Or I need something that was sent to his email and he can't send it to me right now, so I'll go into his account myself and get it. When he lost a grandparent a few weeks ago, he asked me to log into his email and write to his boss that he'd lost a grandparent and needed a few days off (he was too upset to do it himself). Other than that, no, I don't randomly scroll through his texts and emails. There's no reason I can think of to do that.

33055

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:21 pm

amother wrote:

What the hell....
This is no answer, this is calling names and not understanding why someone gets hurt.
Come on grow up. It's so immature to think that your helping.

I didn't call you names. I said your behavior is immature. I stand by that. It is disrespectful. Did you ask a rov yet?

amother

Scarlet

Mon, Dec 18 2017, 12:24 pm

Squishy wrote:

But do ALL their friends and family know their texts are public? If they are told in advance that's fine.

Public? Or shared with spouse. There is a difference.

I’d hope that anyone here who allows hubby all access to their phone would at the same time not engage in conversations on their phone that the other person would be unhappy about spouse reading. I assume people here respect their friends.