who is holier? | Imamother

zuncompany

Tue, Oct 26 2004, 2:06 pm

Do they have a clue why you are asking him to stay home. This past week I got a tetnus shot. I had a really bad reaction to it. I needed my husband home more than ever. Each day he was bogged down with calls about minyan. We were having issues cause they made him feel bad, and I was so sick and shocked my husband would even consider leaving me even for half an hour. Shabbos he finally realized how bad I was when he was heading for marriv minyan. He felt so bad and had no quams about staying home. In fact he was getting ready to go the next morning and heard Zu waking up. He closed our bedroom door, took Tev out, and let me sleep in. He realized how bad off I was. So, of course motzei shabbos they called... I answered the phone this time. I told them I had a bad reaction, yata yata. Guess what... they felt so bad! Even apologized to my husband for bugging him the whole week.

Maybe they need a kick of reality.
Sara

Ozmom

Wed, Oct 27 2004, 4:20 am

motek is on to something. If they really need him and can't find anyone else than let them come to him

zun when I had a tetunas shot about 8-9 yrs ago I had a really bad reaction too.
I was in such agony, all the way up my arm and my neck and back I was in tears.
The doc felt so guilty and kept calling to see if I was ok. He said the medication must have gotten caught between the muscles or something.

Tefila

Wed, Oct 27 2004, 4:54 am

Motek great idea !(ofcourse it is not in my house though)
I think that some of the people in you're community micki that made those strange comments have more than a few problems up there ! Truth be known however I do not think covering my gorgeous hair yea right Rolling Eyes

is the hardest mitzvah for a woman, or taharas hamishpocho, or having 21 kids (well don't know haven't been there yet Wink

) but harder and much more of a sechar-reward is sending her hubbie off to shul for minyan. Since I will talk to myself only sometimes embarrassed

"situations at home can be so overwhelming for us women and yet we send our hubbies off to a minyan this Hashem I hope can sort of compensate in other areas that we need to grow." Remember this is not a halachic ruling, but my approach to the divine and early in the morning where most sane people are sleeping!!

Chanie

Wed, Oct 27 2004, 2:10 pm

Before Tishe Bav this year, I was searching the internet on ways to get through the fast easier being that I'm pregnant and had a toddler running around neeeding my attention.
I couldn't find much info on this subject but what I did come up with was a letter from some Ruv concerning yom kippur, that it's better that the husband stay home and Daven then go to shul, just so that the wife is able to fast in bed (it was talking about specifically a pregnant woman)
If this Rav was able to find a way for the husband to stay home on the holiest day of the year to help his wife, then I think on another, ordinary day, how much more so, the husband should be able to stay home from shul to help his wife.
This is my humble opinion, not based on any religious source. (I do not remember the name of the Rav who wrote about yom kippur, so please do not ask)

micki

Wed, Oct 27 2004, 3:51 pm

that is amazing about ahubby staying home on tom kippur...
last night I had to go out with the girls, and my husband had to be in shul. so since he only had the boys, he just took them along. when the choice is to take them and go or not go at all well he got some looks and many ssshhhhh!!!!'s but he casually said, well if I was not here you would not have a minyan. (he was the tenth)
so either put up with the noise, or make do with no minyan! - he didn't say that but I wish he did Twisted Evil

Ozmom

Thu, Oct 28 2004, 6:15 am

mick I think you should think about moving to a more hospitable community.

come over here Very Happy

we munchkins in the land of oz are very nice and welcoming, Tongue Out

occasionally we have a wicked witch or two Twisted Evil

and a bunch of mischevous monkeys
but if you follow the yellow brick road you will find your helpfull friends!
(but make sure you do the right skip)
I am the scared lion who wants to find courage which he doesn't know is in him already

oh alright don't mind me right now embarrassed

I havent slept properly for the last 2 nights (can we have a 'yawn' emotican in here yael?) and I'm catching a cold again so I'm a little kookoo right now

Tefila

Sat, Oct 30 2004, 11:17 pm

Okay yes you can all yell at me and ask whose side are you on anyway?! But truth be known if youre hubby was working and making a decent living well atleast trying to. would his boss accept the fact he can't come quite a few times b/c his wife needs him to help with the kids?
I know you will tell me Hashem is different however sometimes if maybe ....we looked at this scenerio we might end up not finding it so hard after all. Twisted Evil

Sh don't tell my hubbie the reason he thinks I am a great wife
I got this wonderful inspiration after a Bad nights sleep Exclamation

"when one misses out on the physical Wink

motek, one ends up looking at the spiritual"

Ozmom

Sun, Oct 31 2004, 12:06 am

I don't know about Mickis hubbys boss but at my husbands work they can take sick leave if a spouse is sick ond needs help at home. They also get Paternity leave. This is not the case everywhere but is becoming more and more accepted.
I understand the point you are trying to make, but Micki isn't talking about hashem ringing and harassing she is talking about other ppl being judgmental, rude and affecting their Sholom Bayis.
Her husband is still going to Daven to Hashem even if not with a minyan. His tefilos may even be sweeter because of the Tzedoka he is perpetuating in his own home and the sholom bayis. Its the other men that is the problem
to relate to the comparison you are bringing up, can you imagine if the boss was sympathetic but the work mates started harassing?

I think to discuss the issue of letting husbands go to a minyan is a whole other thread which I don't think we should have, (unless we want some women in tears and depression) I also don't think that Micki is telling us she never lets him go either, she is talking about extrenuating curcumstances.
I just have one question Mick,
do they actually rely on him to complete the minyan or are they just being obnoxiouse and can find someone else?

Motek

Sun, Oct 31 2004, 5:51 pm

Micki - I'm puzzled about something
elsewhere you posted that you live in Scranton

isn't there a decent sized frum community there with Jewish schools, a yeshiva?

how is it that your husband is the 10th man sometimes? where are all the other frum men davening?

micki

Sun, Oct 31 2004, 10:15 pm

motek - scranton yes is big with frumkeit, but my hubby started going to this one shul BECAUSE it does not always have a minyan. so there are 4 shuls and some have a lot soem little. yes it is possible to have someone else go- but they like to make sure he is keeping up his "image " of a yoreh shamayim, and that is the main reason they hassle him. and sometimes its real they need him for a tenth. but yes they can always (in my opinion ) call any of hte other shuls to come and fill in...but I don't get to call another husnband...

as to the reason why I would not cosider taking him away from work well- first of all if I needed him to stay home his boss in nice and if its an emergency then its ok.
secondly, somehow I always get th sickest on shabbos/sunday.
third if its help with the kids then in the morning most are out and its the evening when EVERYONE needs attention at once that I need him. during the day its staggered- some are in school some ar napping, and sometimes they are late to school. but they ALL have to be in bed at night, and they ALL being so young need attention at once!
and I only really need the help if I have a newborn, or if I am preggy and can't bathe the kids or if I am sick. that is not so often.
but do I need to feel like I am causing him to sin when I DO need his help?

Motek

Mon, Nov 01 2004, 3:54 pm

Quote:

my hubby started going to this one shul BECAUSE it does not always have a minyan. so there are 4 shuls and some have a lot soem little

well in that case, my suggestion is for your husband to tell them that he will no longer be davening in their minyan, period, ever, and they should never call upon him again because the answer is NO

there are other minyanim in town, and if the other guys can't get ten men together, they can just as well daven in one of the other minyanim

I see no reason for this to be an issue in your lives any longer! Time to move on!

If your husband can daven in a minyan, he can daven in one of the other minyanim, and if he can't daven in a minyan bec. you need him, then the other minyanim will do fine without him.

unless ... is this the shul where he has the job and he has no choice but to daven there????????? in which case, oy vay!

Motek

Mon, Nov 01 2004, 6:22 pm

if you two agree to this, I would be happy to act as your agent and call them up and say, "I am calling on behalf of X to inform you that he will no longer be davening in your minyan. Ever. If he receives any further calls about this, you will be reported to the phone company (or police, or whoever you report these things to)

Tefila

Mon, Nov 01 2004, 7:17 pm

OK ladies I am now back down on earth and have to agree! micki noone can disrupt your sholom bayis even if it is disguised as a mitzvah.
Micki stand up and be firm to these ridiculous comments .you did it b/4 with hubby conc lawnmowing remember LOL

do somethingelse creative now !
Go micki Go Twisted Evil