S/o"frummer"-an acceptance exercise-what does YOUR Rav hold?

shabbatiscoming

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 1:52 am

Here are some things my community holds by (not rav as I learned by one teacher and the rav where we live is the community rav, but not my personal posek):

No need to ask about BC
Can cook dairy and meat after each other, just have to turn on the oven on the highest heat for about an hour.
During nidda, singing is just fine.
A tefach is perfectly permissible.
In terms of intimacy, anything in the bedroom is just fine, and they meant anything, if it enhances the couple's intimacy and feelings of pleasure with one another.
Colored toilet paper does not mikabel tumah.
In Israel, rabbanut hechsher is jut fine.
A very random one here: When traveling overseas for a chag, we have to keep 7 and a half days (meaning we cant openly do any melacha on that second day of chag, but we also dont have to daven for chag etc)

SuperWify

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 7:00 am

amother wrote:

I don't think this is true.

He was quite strict about it in general.

My dh checked up recently in igros Moshe regarding it. It was actually specifically after I read on here that there's no halachic basis to it.
He told me that after reading it, he doesn't understand how come our Rabbonim allow it.

And yes, I'm on bc.

Like I said, this is what I have heard.

You are welcome to share here what you learned in the igros Moshe.

SuperWify

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 7:18 am

I never even knew singing while niddah is an issue!

To clarify we have a few different rabbis- a rav who deals with niddah shailos, a rav who helps us with family related (more hashkafic) issues, a rav for practical matters regarding the Eiruv and other matters- he is our Shul Rabbi. If I have a simple kitchen conundrum I can always call the bais ho’orah it my dad. We have a totally different rav for bc related questions.

I can wear short sleeves and pants pjs when niddah. We’re not either makpid on head coverings but I try. We can definitely say I love you and do romantic dates besides boating What

We use a peeler and wipes on shabbos- as long as they are precut obviously

Most eiruvim in Lakewood are not acceptable to my Rav. (No he’s not the other Rav mentioned upthread)

I maybe did a moch 3 Times my whole married life bec after a baby, with bc or even if you have a little discomfort you can easily get a heter.

Wow this thread is really making me appreciate our various spiritual mentors. I’m going to skip in a nice check and card in their special Mishloach Manos I make.

amother

Navy

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 8:07 am

My parent's Rav:
1) The days of chag you keep depends on where you are, not where you generally live. Bnei Chutz in E''Y keep one day, Bnei E''Y in Chutz keeps two.
2) Can heat up liquids on shabbos if they are not eaten with a spoon, like saucy chicken
3) Psik reisha d'lo neicha lei can be done lechatchila on shabbos- so you can lechatchila open the refrigerator door with a light on shabbos
4) Every aveilus chumra possible. Seriously.

amother

Linen

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 8:38 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Thanks for stating this.

While I find this post very interesting, how so many different rabbanim hold, so many frum rabbnim and thereby frum families, just dont ask rabbanim so many questions and dont have so many things that need to be asked about.
I guess that something else that is different among teh many different types of jews, the ones that ask rabbanim everything and the ones that ask the rabbanim nothing.
I literally remember asking our rav a question before tisha bav and before that I cant remebmer asking anything for YEARS. Its just a different way to live. We love opening sfarim and finding the answers ourselves, but its different strokes for different folks.

I think this is a good point, and it's important for people to also understand the basis for different halachos before asking.

Is it really a halachic shaila, or is it a question of, is this our minhag or our community's minhag, or a matter of community standards, or a praiseworthy chumra? Many items listed in this thread, fall into this category.

Now, I believe in the concept of picking a rav and following his derech. But if you understand the basis for the halacha, you can ask your shaila differently. You know which details are important to include in your shaila.

I remember a friend telling me, when she was newly married, she wanted her dh to ask about bc. He called up and asked, Is bc ok if you don't have kids yet? And was told No.

She then called and explained she was a newlywed, her propensity toward anxiety and depression, her difficulty with adjustments, and how she felt that if she didn't have at least a few months of adjusting to marriage before pregnancy, her mental health would be at risk.

She got a different answer, but it was a different question. But she had to know enough about the topic to know that those were relevant details.

amother

Linen

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 8:50 am

amother wrote:

Re reb Moshe and bc, I heard directly from a Talmid who asked him that he rarely gave a heter for any kinds of bc. I find it so ironic that people rely on his psak in other matters when it works for them but they conveniently ask someone else about bc...

Loving this thread. Here's mine:

Bc for two years after birth does not require a heter.

Children do not need to wait at all between milchigs and fleishigs until age 6.

I can wear short sleeved pjs and uncover my hair when niddah as long as I always sleep that way.

Children who are old enough to talk cannot be prodded into acting as your "muktzah [non jew]"

On Pesach, anything that is not actual food, I.e cosmetics, toothpaste etc does not need to be kosher l'pesach.

Keep em coming!

Just picking out the bolded as an one example. What's the basis for this? If it's about chinuch of the child, isn't this a matter of an individual's opinion and not really halacha at all: What is the best way to be mechanech a child about shabbos?

Not saying you shouldn't follow your rav's opinion, but I think it's important to know that this is not a psak.

And if it is a psak halacha, then what specifically is it based on? (Dh remembers being asked by the shul rav, when he was 7 or 8 and the youngest kid in shul, to adjust the shul's air conditioner settings on shabbos. Rav didn't "ask", he'd kind of make faces and gestures)

amother

Smokey

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:02 am

amother wrote:

it’s definitaly not about chinuch - it’s specifically halachik. I don’t know 100% exactly why it’s problematic, not near dh but there are learned women on this site who I’m sure know the reason.

keym

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:19 am

amother wrote:

The pasuk says lo saaseh kol melacha ata uvincha ivitecha avdecha amosch bihemtecha.
Basic understanding children servants maids an animsls (meaning even those who are not chayev in shabbos on their own) may not do melacha for you.
What follows is a child may not do melacha for you but may for their own enjoyment.
When does a child get old enough not to do mrlacha for others? Starting to talk? Sechel? 3? 5? 6? 7? 8? 9? 12/13?
Many different takes and ages.

This is just background and halachic source. No opinion on what is/isnt allowed.

little neshamala

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:20 am

amother wrote:

My Rav told us similarly. It wasnt about chinuch, he said it was halacha. He said we couldnt even encourage a baby/toddler to "hey, look at this nice light switch!". No hints or encouragement.

It was an eye opener because we had always "used" babies to help us out of situations.

pause

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:23 am

amother wrote:

No, it's halacha, not chinuch. I believe it's based on the passuk where it talks about shmiras shabbas
לא תעשה כל מלאכה
אתה ובנך
ובתך ועבדך ואמתך ושורך וחמרך וכל בהמתך וגרך אשר בשעריך

pause

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:37 am

keym wrote:

My rav holds whole grain kernels are a bracha shayla. Barley may be mezonos may be haadama in its whole form.
Lmaaseh we wont eat mushroom barley soup or cholent without washing.
Ground up is mezonos.

I hear that. Chameshes minei dagan is about grains that are used for bread/flour. My question was if amother's rav holds that even ground oats is not mezonos does that mean he doesn't consider it one of the chameshes minei dagan?

doctorima

Fri, Feb 23 2018, 9:39 am

keym wrote:

But why do you need to wash? Why can't you just made a mezonos and a haadama on two other items that will for sure cover the barley?