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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
Orange
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 Tue, Oct 30 2018, 1:51 pm
| PinkFridge wrote: | Yeah, but it's a riff on "mi shetarach b'erev Shabbos, yochal b'Shabbos."
I think he should have something he does for the family. But it doesn't have to be as big as other kids if he's feeling put upon. A few things:
- We don't treat children 100% equally. We do what's best for them and don't keep obsessive score. If another child balks because s/he has to do more, let her/him know you will accomodate her/him as needed.
- Theoretically, we give kids chores not because we desperately need their help but for their benefit. |
Thanks for sharing. Yes, I agree and I do give jobs so that they learn to help, not for me. Its easier for me to do it myself but I want them to learn to help.
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amother
Lemon
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Tue, Oct 30 2018, 5:40 pm
I don't have a hashkafic answer for you, but I have an answer:
I am naturally a giver. I love to give, to be of service, etc. Having children makes it so easy for me to give. If I wouldn't have children I'd find other people to give to. I'm just that kind of person, I thrive on giving.
Giving to others gives me a reason to wake up each day. Having a purpose for living, outside of my inner world, makes my life a meaningful venture.
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zaq
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Tue, Oct 30 2018, 8:47 pm
I would never tell my child we have kids because it’s a mitzvah. That just reinforces the idea that children are a burden. (We do call it OL mitzvot do we not? )
Would you be pleased if dh told you he married you because it was a mitzvah? I would likely tell him he can take his mitzvah and sho—well, never mind that. Let’s just say that response is not going to make a child feel wanted, loved and cherished.
I would tell him we love our children, and when you love something or someone it makes the hard work worthwhile. The beauty of this response is that it is appropriate for anyone, regardless of age, gender, political affiliation, ethnicity, creed or attitude towards organized religion in general and observant Judaism in particular.
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