Having alot of children affecting your looks

ShishKabob

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 12:25 pm

Israeli_C wrote:

Am I the only one who honestly doesn't care? My post partum 'pooch' doesn't bother me one bit. DH finds me attractive and that's all that matters to me. When I think of all the amazing things my body has gone through, birthing big healthy babies (and even twins!!) I don't look at the stretch marks, varicose veins or excess skin. I look at myself and say "daaaang girl, you're a miracle maker!!" Tongue Out

Well, not exactly, but I think my body has done some awesome things and the externals are just... externals!

You're not the only one, but then again, you don't live in Lakewood where this girl lives with all of the pressure that she has.

Israeli_C

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 12:27 pm

ShishKabob wrote:

You're not the only one, but then again, you don't live in Lakewood where this girl lives with all of the pressure that she has.

True, I've never been to Lakewood. And never want to go to Lakewood, based on what I've read on this forum lol.

Ah, if only Lakewood wasn't a closed dictatorship with restricted freedom of movement.

Wait...

amother

Papaya

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 12:36 pm

I can't imagine anyone saying straight out that she doesn't want to have too many children because it will ruin her figure.

Are there women who say they need self-care? Or can't function on no sleep? Or need to work on their marriages? Sure, and these are legitimate reasons for controlling family size.

Could there be an element of wanting to stay thin and good looking in there as well? Yeah, probably. There are some women whose self esteem is tied into their looks, and they literally need to stay thin to feel good and function.

amother

Olive

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 12:55 pm

I think Israeli c hit the nail on the head. I think I am beautiful with my excess baby weight and droopy tummy, but sadly my husband really struggles with this.

I do eat healthily, exercise etc.

The other issue is if you are busy with kids you simply have less time to put on make up, get your sheital styled, work out etc. Plus by the time you pay tuition not much money left for that stuff.

(I don't think this is anything to do with Lakewood. I've never been there and nor has my husband)

amother

White

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:16 pm

I am really not super into looks. I'm not particularly fashionable, if it's clean and fits decently, works for me. I don't wear makeup. I've always struggled with my weight, and as much as I am down on myself for being fat, I'm not striving for a beach body. I'm a lot overweight and willing to settle for a little overweight. So yes, my weight does play a part in my spacing. I want to lose some weight so I can be healthier going into the next pregnancy. But also, my weight and general appearance is absolutely part of the big picture of whether or not I'm coping with the kids I have. I don't manage well on little sleep and the physical demands of infants and toddlers. And when I'm not able to put in the effort to make healthier choices for myself and to leave the house looking halfway decent, it's a sign that I'm not doing my best in my current situation, so adding to it is simply a bad idea. When things are in a good groove, that spills over to taking care of myself, and that is a good indicator that I'm either ready or close to ready. So it's not that I'm waiting because I want to focus on my appearance, but rather the state of my appearance and how well I'm managing my weight is a very solid indicator of how well or not I'm managing everything else. And if not not coping well with the kids I have, obviously I need to keep waiting before having more.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:34 pm

Op I see u getting a lot of hugs and a lot of people not understanding where your coming from. Im here to validate. I work in sheitels where I have a large range of clientele and within that range of the vainest of the vain. Thin during pregnancy, back to their regular clothes weeks after birth. Dressed everyday in a fresh variety of midi skirts/ ribbed tops/ crossbody bags etc. Makeup and wigs always perfect. These woman think a LOT about the way they look so YES!! of course they want to space their children. Pregnancy is inconvenient for them in many ways. Children are probably too ...

Ruchel

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:46 pm

amother [ Goldenrod ] wrote:

*The more put together mother’s are also nicer to other women because they’re not so unhappy with themselves. .

HORRIFYING
I have a beauty blog, I always overdress, though this sentence is HORRIFYING

amother

Lavender

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:48 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I'm trying to say that I think it's a very secular way of thinking because we as Jews are supposed to build families not being busy with externals. Just wondering if anyone has the same feeling as me..

I understand your feeling but I met a few women who had between 14 and 21 (!!!) Kids and looked better than I looked when I was single. Super skinny, super put together, makeup , nice clothes and everything.
They did have money and lots of help (cleaning ladies, nanny etc).
So I don't think it depends on the number of kids. Some women have 1 or 2 kids but they're not taking care of their looks.

amother

Silver

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:48 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

I work in sheitels where I have a large range of clientele and within that range of the vainest of the vain. Thin during pregnancy, back to their regular clothes weeks after birth. Dressed everyday in a fresh variety of midi skirts/ ribbed tops/ crossbod y bags etc. Makeup and wigs always perfect. These woman think a LOT about the way they look so YES!! of course they want to space their children. Pregnanc y is inconvenient for them in many ways. Children are probably too ...

"Sheker ha'chen ve'chevel ha'yofi...."
I honestly don't know how women live like this. It's simply a paradox. On the one hand passing themselves off as frum Jewish women, on the other devoting excessive time and money to beautify themselves and sacrificing raising more kids for the sake of their figures.
It's the polar opposite of the values Judaism espouses.

amother

Aubergine

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:49 pm

OP, my kids are very spaced apart and I'm not thin.....
My mom has 13 kids very close in age and she was always thin and has gorgeous skin. So I don't think it has to do. I see plenty good looking women with a bunch of kids. If someone struggles with their weight, it doesn't matter on their family size, it'll always be a struggle.
If women really space their kids just because they want to look good, that's just plain sad.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:52 pm

amother [ Silver ] wrote:

Your 1000% right. Its a sad galus we are in where priorities are completely screwed up.

amother

Lime

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 1:54 pm

I understand. I started off with a beautiful figure and find the most difficult part of being pregnant to be gaining weight. No jokes. It makes me feel horrible about myself. My thighs get dimples and I feel so old. Huge nipples gross me out. Bh it basically goes back and I'm pretty sure at 40ish when I'm done having kids I will get breast lifts.

I wouldn't consider not having kids for this reason though. I do think this is mostly genetics and women who will get heavy will be heavy in their 40s babies or not.

bestwife4

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 2:00 pm

I live near Lakewood and work in Lakewood. I can definitely say that there's 2 kind of ppl living here. The pretty put together w beautiful wigs etc vs the shlumpy woman that work wearing a snood.
There's plenty of fat woman that don't have lots of kids and skinny woman that do have lots of kids.
Most ppl here have every year. What I can tell you is this. If some1 looks just so with 5 kids under 5 , her house is probably a wreck or she doesn't cook dinner every night etc. It's almost impossible to be perfect in every way. If she doesn't look good her house might be spotless etc. We're human. We can't juggle it all.

amother

Pumpkin

Thu, Jun 27 2019, 2:05 pm

Best wife you are so right !! There is a woman who lives across the street from me who is beautiful and thin! Her kids alwaysss look perfect. Im friends with her tenant and have eaten by her and I can hear her thru the walls and she has a temper like you cant imagine. She shreiks at her children. She is likely a huge perfectionist and bugs out from messes etc. Believe me looks are very deceiving.
Im assuming OP is young and mostly surrounded by young girls who dont fall under the yeshiva area of babies every year category...