Without tuition costs....

amother

Babypink

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 4:30 pm

Well, my coworkers who make the same salary as I are able to lease nice cars, buy good food...but they are just living well and are not flowing bec they are all talking about how will they pay for their kids to go to college....(but for me, itll be like now but instead of tuition for yeshiva, ill be paying college)....

However, a lot of my coworkers travel from far away meaning getting up very early in morning and coming home late. Yes, they get nice large homes for cheap but they also live far away from nyc so that they can send their kids to good public schools for free(so its like a free private school).

Meanwhile, the students in public schools near me who most of them are on welfare, have the newest phones(I have an old cheap one) and their sneakers cost at least $200. Of course, im glad im not eligible for welfare but the non jews who eat at mcdonalds, well, its cheaper but the food is highly processed and unhealthy so my colleagues are spending their money on more expensive healthy foods...

elisheva25

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 4:56 pm

amother [ Coffee ] wrote:

Being on the other end of this (kids all married BH) I find myself breathing a sigh of relief that we're over that. We do help almost all the married kids in various ways, including tuition.

At the beginning of the summer, checking his bank balance, DH asked all the kids to submit their camp costs and gave each one a check to help out.

Last night DD told me she's been up with a sick baby for 3 nights but her 9yo has an infection from wearing fake earrings, perhaps. She wondered if I had something small the child could wear. I paskened she's allowed to get new earrings in the 9 days and took her so DD could have one less thing to do.

DD though we could get away with a small pearl on a real gold stud, which is likely the least expensive item, and she send the DGC with a credit card. However the petite child only wanted a 9 mm which looked silly to me (like she's wearing Mommy's earrings) so I decided to sponsor a small bead on a wire that was about twice the price.

So hang in there ladies. Your time to be relaxed about money and generous with it etc will come IYH!

You are an amazing grandmother!!

naturalmom5

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 4:58 pm

I was always told by several Rabbonim I consult with that money you lay out for chinuch havbanim and Shabbos is not included in your yearly income

HOWEVER, AND THIS A BIG ONE

You are required to teach your children Torah by the takano of R Yehoshua been Gamlo

But you aren't obligated to send him to Club Med and you aren't even mchayiv to send to a elite private school
That is guaranteed
Just like Hashem won't necessarily provide you with a Hawaiian vacation

If your budget only allows you to have a Rebbe teach him after school or homeschooling maybe that's what you need to do
Or maybe you need to make more money
That's where good rabbinical guidance comes in

amother

Pewter

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 11:10 pm

amother [ Tangerine ] wrote:

Many people pay more for a mortgage than tuition.

Let me amend that statement: the single biggest expense that separates those sending to private school from those sending to public school.

Those non-Jews we're talking about also have mortgages, presumably.

amother

Dodgerblue

Mon, Aug 05 2019, 11:15 pm

We pay more for tuition than we do for our mortgage. When it came to buying a home, we bought something at the very low end of the market because that was all we could afford. When it comes to tuition we don't have options. We happen to send to the cheapest school in our area, though we definitely didn't choose the school for that reason. But even so, it's not something we can technically afford at all.

amother

Jade

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 9:44 am

I don't think it's just tuition. It's the whole frum lifestyle.

Sem, yeshiva, chassunas...
Not being frum means paying for college and that's it. They either don't get married or get married at the age of 30 and pay for their weddings themselves. And they also don't expect to be financially supported for years after getting married.

amother

Pewter

Tue, Aug 06 2019, 10:34 am

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

That's true. Paying for sem and weddings can be just as hard as regular yeshiva tuition.

Re: the bolded- and many would say, rightfully so!!