TV charachters??? | Imamother

TzenaRena

Wed, Aug 31 2005, 9:42 am

BlumaG are you ready to handle bringing your own treats for your child? do you think it's a better solution than just making a nice play date to keep up the friendship? I think that shluchim have a different kind of relationship with their mekuravim, they are looked up to and expected to have higher standards. Noone is offended when they do, because they are yes, friends surely too, but mostly the acknowledged mentors and teachers. A regular friend is different.

You would have to be open with your friend beforehand that your child won't be able to eat anything there and you have to arrange for that (besides the other "environmental" issues) and risk that she might be offended. The alternative, being busy with a previous engagement on that day, and making up for it in a different way. (maybe a nice little birthday present the next day, sorry we couldn't make it, but we brought this for wxyz)

We have missed children's birthday parties with close friends' families, not always for important reasons as chinuch, and we are all still good friends! (Mommies and children!)

Mandy

Wed, Aug 31 2005, 10:35 am

Quote:

We have missed children's birthday parties with close friends' families, not always for important reasons as chinuch, and we are all still good friends

I think it is different to say that we missed your child's party because we were out of town ( or sick, etc.) than it is to say that we missed your child's party because we don't want to expose our children to the negative influences that you are obviously comfortable exposing little kids to. How would you explain your decision truthfully and without being offensive, sarayehudis ?

TzenaRena

Wed, Aug 31 2005, 11:49 am

Mandy wrote:

Quote:

We have missed children's birthday parties with close friends' families, not always for important reasons as chinuch, and we are all still good friends

It's not always necessary to tell the whole truth. For example, we don't run over to non-observant Jews who we want to influence to keep Shabbos and tell them: You should know you are mechallel Shabbos, and it is punishable by sekilah (death by stoning).

It even says mutar l'shanos mipnei hashalom, about things of this nature.

Quote:

it is to say that we missed your child's party because we don't want to expose our children to the negative influences that you are obviously comfortable exposing little kids to

Now who was ever suggesting to say something like that?

One would have to choose: attend the party, but truthfully explain beforehand to the mother that you need to bring your own treats, please don't offer my child etc., and realize that it might be sticky --- or, without getting into it, miss the party and offer a very simple sorry we couldn't make it, no need to get into explanations, (and NOONe will ask for them) if you choose this route.

I have missed very important simchas of close friends because of circumstances beyond my control. I made sure to call them up during the next few days, wish them mazal tov, and they all graciously accepted my well wishes, and apology, they NEVER ask why couldn't you come! kal v'chomer, a toddler's birthday party! B'H' the simcha goes on whether you are there or not. But noone can take over for your responsibility of your child's chinuch.

technic

Wed, Aug 31 2005, 12:29 pm

as far as the food issue is concerned, my kids r used 2 going 2 parties and playdates w their own food - they may not love the idea but we give them the choice of taking their own food OR totally missing the event - they choose the event every time!!!...im sure im known as the mad mother (4 more reasons than one Wink

), but the other mothers respect me 4 it and my kids now have a good awareness of kashrut and of practical considerations like the 3 wks, when they know that they cant go to musical parties etc...yes life would b easier if we lived in a more dati kehilla, but everything has its pros and cons...

timeout

Sun, Sep 04 2005, 8:12 pm

The topic of bringing your own food to parties reminded me of when I was younger for abnout a year my Dr. put me on a no sugar diet and wherever I went my mother had to bring sugarless nosh.

Sure I was upset and wanted what others had but it kind of made me stronger that I did it.

It also made me think about those annoying ice cream trucks that came down our block every day in the summer my mother would hear it from wherever she was in the house and run to give us ice cream which she always had ready so my sister and I wouldn't feel bad about not getting from the truck! Very Happy