Question to those who are Baalei Tshuva

amother

Lavender

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:30 am

I'm BT, but also came around relatively young- beginning of college. And I was pretty traditional and sheltered, so I also missed out on a lot of what Mustard is saying, Baruch Hashem. I don't recall being treated badly as a girl/young woman. I was more into math/science than the average girl, so I often stuck out around mostly boys, but wasn't mistreated in any way because of it. I was made to feel special and proud of my accomplishments.

I also don't usually feel mistreated as a woman in my chareidi community in Israel. Sometimes things happen that are annoying, like how the kiddush is done in shul or where there's extra grape juice or whatever at a kiddush in someone's house, but I don't think that's usually because they are looking down on us. I think it's just because everything is separate, and doing the same thing in 2 places is tricky and there are oversights, especially if men are in charge of setting it up.

Erev yom tov I was feeling overworked at some points, but it's not because my husband didn't do his share. It's just because there was a lot to do. And my husband being at shul/slichos/mikva for a bunch of it definitely didn't help, but it's not like I wanted to trade places. I much prefer my role to his. But I also have always loved caring for children, and am tremendously thankful for each one of them, so that definitely helps tremendously.

Actually, I just reread and reconsidered. I have been at kiddushes in people's homes and the women were squished into a kitchen while the men had the dining room table, and that was mildly disconcerting. But it's just the way they do it here because, again, they want everything separate and there's just no room elsewhere. So I hear how you can say how unfair, how unjust, but whatever, not so bad in my view.

shabbatiscoming

Thu, Oct 03 2019, 3:37 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I was reading the other thread about “the other side of mechitsa” and the truth is that this subject is something that makes Yidishkeit very hard for me .
Thank G-d when I was little I didn’t feel this way ,my father and my brothers are very respectful of woman and my mother always made sure that the boy would help at home the same as the girls. At school some of the things that I learnt would bother me (ex: there is the concept of Isha sota ,who gets humiliated for cheating on her husband but there is no such a thing for when a man cheats her wife )
But now that I’m married with kids and I live in a different community I feel so much the difference in how Judaism treats woman less than men ,and it bothers me so much (ex : in my ex-shul after fasting there is food for the men and nothing to women ,like Helloooo we are hungry tooo!!)
So I wanted to know from those who have lived the secular world : do you think that’s a religious problem or a worldly problem?
On the secular world have you ever felt that you were treated “less “ just for being a woman?
Please explain
I’m very curious / interested on knowing this
Thanks

Im not a BT, but I grew up and still live a modern orthodox life. I fear that what you are talking about is in a certain segment of frum judaism. I never experience inequality in my community. Women are not treated as less than men, not at all.
I dont know why certain communities treat their female folk with inequality. Its not befitting for anyone to do that.
Your example of no food being given to the women's section is deplorable, to say the least.
Things have to change, and fast, or they will just keep on getting worse and worse. And in a few generations, in those communities, women will be something that is only heard about and never seen and never out of their home.