I'm panicking please help- Lost money

1untamedgirl

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 8:30 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I just lost $1400 on a dumb, dumb mistake. Can't go into details but it was totally my irresponsibility. I'm panicking. We're saving every penny we possibly can to buy a house and here I just blew $1400 due to a total lack of judgement. I'm so angry at myself and panicking. It's ok my husband won't know the difference (I manage the $$, I'm generally smarter than this) but right now I'm in full fledged panic mode. Please share any encouraging or spiritual or coping thoughts. I would like to just say it's bashert but it was my own stupid idiotic irresponsible mistake.

Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht. Es iz bashert. This too shall pass. Gam zu l'tovah

https://www.psychologytoday.co.....aughs

https://www.chabad.org/library.....a.htm

amother

Apricot

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 9:17 pm

After the fact you just have to believe that it was meant to be.

I was working at an accountant's office.
We had a client coming desparately to us, when he was being audited by State. Looks like his CPA messed up or something.
They went through couple of years of books, my boss tried to get on their good side, took them out for lunch etc. to try to get the lowest tax/penalties due possible.

They had to pay $60,000, which is a large amount but not when 3 years of sales was audited. This person was crying about the amount, he went to his Rebbe to "Reis ein".
Rebbe promised that he'll get away with nothing.
We appealed & miraculously, court threw out the whole case, his liability went down to zero. He was thrilled.

Not too long after that, he lost 2 dgtrs in a car accident. Sometimes, we need a kapparah & saves us from something bigger.

amother

Peach

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 9:52 pm

amother [ Jade ] wrote:

This might not be of comfort, but as a business owner, you see the yad Hashem in finances begalui. Money comes from the most unexpected of places, and disappears to the most unexpected of places too.

There's a famous story of someone well known in Boro Park (who appeared to be a little unhinged, but many regarded as a tzaddik) who once asked-how come by the Seder on pesach we ask why we dip twice, once into saltwater and once the mirror, as apposed to the rest of the year when we never dip? This is an inaccurate statement to say we don't dip the rest of the year, because onRosh Hashana we also dip twice, once the challah into honey and once the apple into honey. He answered that when things are illogically sweet, we don't ask any questions. We only ask questions when things are illogically bitter.

You can't beat yourself up about it. The same Hashem that caused you to get the money in the first place, caused you to lose it, and He will give it back to you to when appropriate. Whatever was appropriated on Rosh Hashana will get to you.

Obviously this doesn't mean to be irresponsible with money, but as you're a responsible person who is very cognizant of finances, and something still slipped through, obviously Hashem intended this to happen.

You never know what gezeira was intended, that BH was taken out on just money instead of something much worse.

This is something I struggle with not beating myself up about too. Hugs.

המקום ימלא חסרוניך בקרוב

I agree with this 100% Hashem gives and Hashem takes and at the end of the day he makes sure we have exactly what He intended at the end of the year. Tell yourself this, believe it, and you won't be upset anymore. and every time you start to feel upset just remind yourself Hashem meant for it to happen and you won't be so upset anymore.

And I can relate someone to losing money, quite a few thousand possibly lost by human error of missing a deadline in order to claim it, but I tell myself that if Hashem wanted us to have the money He can get it to us some other way. I also tell myself this whenever theres a situation that is not 100% yashar involving money. I'm not really saving money if its not yashrus, bec if I'm not meant to have it Hashem will make sure I won't have extra in the end bec I'm sure Hashem does not want me to get it thru non-yashar ways, He will find a way to get me the money in an honest way if I'm meant to have it.

amother

Blue

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:29 pm

Losing money stinks.
My husband was given stocks from his grandfather when he was a baby. Eventually, the stock did so well that he had over $100,000. He sold that stock and his father convinced him that he knew of some great stocks and to reinvest. My husband gave the whole amount over to my fil. Well. the stocks did terribly and the entire $100,000 was gone.
I try not to think about the fact I had told my husband to find a safer investment, but he wouldn't listen.
Sigh.......

amother

Apricot

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:29 pm

My husband made a direct payment from the bank, for his leased car, for past couple of months that it was due, on a Sunday, next day was a holiday, so it never got processed. Next thing we knew it was towed far away. They said they will refund the payment & will decide in couple of days if we can continue with lease. In meantime, we will have to pay the incurred fees to hold & storage the car. My husband needs his car in order to work. I had a premie baby in NICU that I had to get to & a cancer patient that needed to get to hospital for his treatments.
Also we were waiting for days, for my baby to start taking all her feeds by mouth, for her to be released from NICU.
car was on my name, so I had to travel far as a postpartum csection kimpeturin to fetch the car. plus pay an uber over $100 to get there.
It was very frustrating. Then we decided to Thank Hashem for all he sent our way. We had a miracle, from one min to next, my baby started taking all her feeds by mouth. The car fiasco also straightened out & We were able to get it back next day.
Sometimes you need to have a kapparah in one area, in order to merit yeshuos in other areas.

amother

Orange

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:29 pm

Can you try channeling all that anger and frustration in a healthy way? When things seemed impossible for me with my work program, I spoke directly to G-d and said “this is impossible, I did everything I possibly can and now it’s all on you. I’m not in charge and I want you to finish the work” it helps to vent through prayer sometimes and it actually worked out better than I could have imagined on more than one occasion. Simply remembering that we’re not in charge helps to reduce stress and also may show you results. It’s not easy though...
Or try to channel it into a burst of energy and exercise?! It rlly helps Ppl feel better... good luck, not an easy place to be

amother

Chocolate

Tue, Nov 26 2019, 11:58 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I really appreciate all your responses.
Thank you for taking the time.
It's helping me feel a bit better.

Sometimes this panic isn't logical. I was in a major panic over finances for a few weeks. I went on an austerity budget. I reduced my charge card bills to less than $50 for the month when normally they run $2000 to $3000. I stopped giving gifts. I couldn't sleep. I was tense and anxious constantly. I gained 10 lbs in 2 weeks.

We had a short term financial snafu.

I sat down with my calculator and figured out I have enough money to last 20 years at our current spending without DH or I working again. With me reducing my spending, it would be even longer. Now logically, I knew I was acting crazy and putting pressure on DH. But it didn't help me. What helped me was dovening for peace.

Put the $1400 in perspective. Don't worry what you could've done with the money. Work out how good you are doing saving for the house. Look at the positive side of what you have - the proverbial count your blessings.

amother

Silver

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 12:27 am

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

That reminds me! We also got tons of stock from my grandfather! We reinvested it and it was gone. If only we had it in straight cash....

mommy3b2c

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 12:29 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I can't take it how angry I am at myself. I could have used that money for so, so many things that we really need. It's a full week of work. I could've taken off, I need the vacation so badly. And so many things that I haven't bought, that we really could use but don't absolutely need. I'm so mad at myself. I'm punishing myself by absolutely killing my diet, I just ate a mountain of cookies, I am so angry I don't know what to do with myself. My own idiotic fault.

Please let me know what are some of the things you need. I will buy it for you.

amother

Apricot

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 12:31 am

amother [ Blue ] wrote:

How do you know he didn't keep the money for himself?

naturalmom5

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 1:11 am

amother [ Apricot ] wrote:

Exactly, like the medrash

There was supposed to be a fire but he understood the birds talking about so he prevented it..
There there was going to be a robbery, but he had a dream about it and protected himself
Finally, a bas kol told him he was supposed to get a kaparra from those two incidents, so now he is going to die instead..

amother

Indigo

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 1:14 am

OP I really feel for you. I'm also the very hard-working, conscientious type who's very careful about money. I want to share a few experiences from the past couple years.

Last year my husband made a large donation to shul on Yom Kippur. It was a lot of money for us and I got really upset. I yelled at him in front of the kids. A week after YT he got into an accident and totaled the car. For a whole year I blamed myself because I got so angry that he gave tzedakah. This year I said to myself, I learned my lesson. I won't say a word if he makes a big donation. Which of course he did. Well, what do you know, exactly a year later he gets into a crash AGAIN! This time it was totally not his fault. On top of it, the same week I am told that one of my part time jobs that pays $500 a week does not need my services any more. Even though I still have another job this is huge and I have no idea how we will manage without that money. But what I realized is that I have no control over the situation. None. Panicking will do nothing to help.

So now we have to replace the van, because we need to get the kids to school. I always buy the cheapest possible car and my grandmother a"h warned me that it does not pay to buy a cheap car because they're unreliable and need so much work. She even offered to help pay for a newer vehicle but I wouldn't listen. So, finally I decided I will listen. Today we walked into a dealer and walked out with a newish car. (Not brand new but a 2016, much newer than I'd usually buy.) So, the same week I lose a big source of income I also get saddled with a new, unwanted expense. I have no idea with what money we will pay for it but Hashem will provide somehow.

Another story. About three and a half years ago we had just moved to a new city and I started a new job and found out I was pregnant. For nine months I panicked. What if I can't go back to work? How will I have the energy to keep this up? What will we live on if I lose my job? Tonight is our maidele's third birthday. That panic is long forgotten. However we managed, we managed. No money can ever pay for the joy she brings us.

Right now I don't know how things will end up, how the lost income will be replaced, how we will pay for the new van, etc. etc. But I know from the past that Hashem comes through for us somehow and he'll come through for us again.

dankbar

Wed, Nov 27 2019, 2:20 am

regarding tzedaka & car accidents....
My husband once pledged tzedaka for the cheder & in the merit of the tzedaka given, they learned mishnayos leilu nishmas all our grandparents in the week of their yurtzeit.

We had long forgotten, but apparently Up there, it wasn't forgotten.

Turns out, that we were involved in a car accident( someone crashed into us, in the back, while signaling to turn in the road) & we avoided a head on collision while turning. Turns out it was a cousin of mine. What's even more interesting is....that it was the day of my gfather yuhrtzeit! When we put two & two together, we were just openmouthed, how in zchus of the tzedaka given a half a year earlier, & the mishnayos being learned that week, this zeide intervened on our behalf to save both of his einiklech! If chas vsholom, these two cars would've collided while we flew...Hashem yirachem. My cousin, the driver of other car, jumped out, as he is an EMT, trying to help us. He had no idea he was going to be helping a relative here.