Won't touch fathers hands anymore

amother

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 6:40 am

We asked the Rov and he said that it's ok to touch, which I thought he would. I asked him if/how to explain it to her to which he replied that it doesn't transfer.

She does not want to 'chat' with her father about it (which he wants her to)when I asked her because he will just say that different people have different lives. obviously she does not feel ok with such an answer from him. although I do use this answer sometimes too.

amother

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 6:50 am

malki2 wrote:

Therein lies your answer. If you just look at it yourself as “another way of life”, then let her go learn it and figure things out on her own. But if you look at it in terms of the right way vs the wrong way, then you are obligated to do everything in your control to prevent him from excercising his influence over your daughter.

I say there is a difference between telling a child about a different way of life and make them live it.

for a jewish person to live a life against toira cannot be classified as correct.
A person may choose that for many reasons, but its not right!!!!
Different if MO or chareidi or chassidish is different way of life too but ok and right.

And I am very open, respectful and accepting of different lifestyles even if its not like mine. And she knows that. But right and wrong she needs to know. And it is a very tricky thing to tell children that what a father does is wrong bec of fear to put him down ..... b"H she starting to see and figure it out for herself.

Thank you all for your responses

amother

Pink

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 7:09 am

its a really fine line you have to walk Op -- may Hashem Bench you to keep walking it gracefully and successfully

as for some comments, yes a learned rov will know how to guide and kibbud av v eim does not come before halacha or into it in the way some may think

also -- it is a challenge to make sure someone is not feeding treif etc and generally one cannot tell a child just not to go or ignore a court ordered visitation even when the other parent is actively and deliberately trying to get the kids to break halacha R"L (not saying this is the case here and hope it is not)

hugs and hatzlocha Op

nchr

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 7:26 am

We touch people's hands all the time who haven't washed. Doctors, business associates, etc. Maybe this is coming from a story she heard at school about a tzadik who hadn't shook a boys hand because he saw with ruach hakodesh that the boy hadn't washed pr a tzadik who was careful to wash negel vasser every 30 minutes all night etc. I'd just explain that we are not on the same level as a tzadik and that nothing happens from touching someone who hasn't washed.

abound

Sun, Feb 09 2020, 7:31 am

I have nothing to add except.........You seem like a great mother and that you are handling this in an outstanding manner. You seem in tune to her emotional needs an trying your best not to undermine her father. Hashem should give you Koach and a clear mind to make good decisions. May you have much nachas from all your children.