Is 22-months too young for pre-nursery?

lucy

Mon, Sep 12 2005, 8:03 pm

Emuna I must say Kol Hakavod! Cheers

It was I'm sure a difficult decsion to make, but you made it and feel confident with it! I think that now that daycare is so available (maybe I'm repeating myself) we feel compelled to send when we're not really okay with the idea.

It's great that you created a whole schedule, just for you to know the $1.00 store has great things for arts n crafts that promote fine motor skills: paints, glue, cut out shapes they can glue on in shapes/letters, I once bought a thread & spool game.

BrachaVHatzlocha

Mon, Sep 12 2005, 9:03 pm

Btw, today we had our first "real" day (well, half day) at school and I heard plenty crying from the nursery (3 year old) kids...IT"S NORMAL! The teachers are GREAT and EXPERIENCED -- it's the kids who need to get used to it.
But, Emunah, the decision is yours and I respect it. Hatzlocha raba and feel good!

Motek

Tue, Sep 13 2005, 3:58 pm

I'm so glad you're waiting Emuna Smile

thank you Stem for responding to the rebbetzin's comments - it's good you did because it will prevent me from blasting her to bits Exploding anger

but I will respond to her final point:

Quote:

the problem here is not our daughter but is me, that I'm not willing to let go

and say this comment is outrageous and utterly krum, sounds like mandy is right when she points out that the woman is a "nogei'a b'davar" (subjective) and stands to lose out on your money if you remove your daughter. To say there is something WRONG with a mother who is concerned when her baby cries when she's unhappy and in an inappropriate environment, indicates to me that the problem here is NEITHER with you nor your daughter, but with the rebbetzin.

how fascinating it is that this thread is posted in the Preschool section which is designated for children 3-6 Exclamation

Quote:

I heard plenty crying from the nursery (3 year old) kids...IT"S NORMAL! The teachers are GREAT and EXPERIENCED -- it's the kids who need to get used to it.

I disagree. It might be "normal" in the sense that it happens, but it sure isn't a good thing. The teachers may in fact be wonderful, but no, the children don't need to get used to it. They need their mothers and need to feel secure and confident, and only THEN are they ready to venture forth on their own.

and the fact that the children "get used to it" - meaning, that they stop crying after a period of time, DOES NOT MEAN DAMAGE WAS NOT DONE

children are resilient and will get used to most things, but beware - there ARE repercussions!

BrachaVHatzlocha

Tue, Sep 13 2005, 4:55 pm

Motek wrote:

I never said it was GOOD, but it is very normal fora 2, 3, even 4 year old to have separation anxiety. I had 1 or 2 FOUR year olds crying the first day...does that mean their mothers should keep them home?? Some kids just need time to see that school is good and they'll have fun. You say they "need to feel secure." If the teachers are loving, they will feel secure as they get to see the teachers.

Motek

Tue, Sep 13 2005, 5:43 pm

brachad wrote:

I had 1 or 2 FOUR year olds crying the first day...does that mean their mothers should keep them home??

maybe
staying home is no guarantee of security and confidence but it IS a first step
other steps include providing children with a calm, happy home environment

Quote:

If the teachers are loving, they will feel secure as they get to see the teachers.

I think if their parents, particularly their mothers, are loving, they will feel secure and will be ready to part from mommy without tears.

I find it very ironic that nowadays mothers are brainwashed not to toilet train their children until the children are READY and there are lists of readiness signs to refer to, but when it comes to parting from mommy, the same mothers are urged by friends, rebbetzins, family, parenting books and magazines to JUST LET GO, ready or not!

What a backwards world we live in. Confused

Mandy

Tue, Sep 13 2005, 8:20 pm

Quote:

children are resilient and will get used to most things, but beware - there ARE repercussions

Well, I don't know about that. Have you met any adults who attribute all their misery and life problems to having been left by mommy at preschool a year too early ? I think if neglect is an overall pattern of your life, it will certain affect you as a child, but just sending you somewhere before you are ready for it ? I would really doubt that this results in trauma. My mom threw away my teddy bear before I was ready to give it up. She also left me at a birthday party when I was too little. Does that mean I was traumatized ?

Quote:

I think if their parents, particularly their mothers, are loving, they will feel secure and will be ready to part from mommy without tears

Overall, I agree, but I will point out that I have seen quite a few moms lately whose children are so attached and dependent on them that it results in more crying and less independence, even when the time is right.

Quote:

I find it very ironic that nowadays mothers are brainwashed not to toilet train their children until the children are READY and there are lists of readiness signs to refer to, but when it comes to parting from mommy, the same mothers are urged by friends, rebbetzins, family, parenting books and magazines to JUST LET GO, ready or not!

I read a good book recently that argues that we as a society tend to push boys more towards "too-early" independence than girls. It was interesting.

Motek

Tue, Sep 13 2005, 9:40 pm

Mandy wrote:

Have you met any adults who attribute all their misery and life problems to having been left by mommy at preschool a year too early ?

whether or not adults attribute their problems to that is not the determining factor

Quote:

but just sending you somewhere before you are ready for it ?

"just"?

well it depends on various things, sending a 22 month old baby to school is a lot different than sending a 10 year old to camp even if the 10 yr. old wasn't quite ready for it. Babies need their mothers, period.

Quote:

My mom threw away my teddy bear before I was ready to give it up.

mandy, at age 13 you WERE ready to give it up! Wink

just kidding

Quote:

She also left me at a birthday party when I was too little. Does that mean I was traumatized ?

the answer to that is the same answer that's given when parents yell when they shouldn't, are cranky, even mean and they wonder whether they messed up their kids for life, and the answer is - infrequent lapses won't achieve lasting harm. Leaving a child one time at a party when they weren't ready, won't ruin their lives forever.

But this thread isn't about one-time or even occasional lapses. It's about putting a 22 month old baby into school, an every day, ongoing mistake. And yes, every day-ongoing mistakes will have repercussions.

Quote:

I have seen quite a few moms lately whose children are so attached and dependent on them that it results in more crying and less independence, even when the time is right.

that's why I wrote before:

Quote:

staying home is no guarantee of security and confidence but it IS a first step
other steps include providing children with a calm, happy home environment

Purple Hug Bunny

Wed, Sep 14 2005, 1:50 am

Emunah, Kol Hakovod on your desicion, I know it wasn't easy to decide..
I don't know your rebitzin but I can almost def. gurantee you that she said that bec. they don't want to lose money.
any teacher/principal will say that, so that you would want to send her..
I do agree that most of these kids know more then other kids their age...

Motek

Sat, Sep 17 2005, 10:44 pm

NotYetAMommy wrote:

I don't know your rebitzin but I can almost def. gurantee you that she said that bec. they don't want to lose money.

either that's true or she is clueless about early childhood development (or both)

either way, I would look for another pre-school to send your daughter to when the time comes

raizy

Sun, Sep 18 2005, 12:08 am

sorry this may sound cruel or mean but I think that u were the problem not the kid. I do think that your kid was a tad to young to go into a classroom setting but if she would have gone into a home day care setting it would have been better.

you sound exactly like my sister I wonder if u are her, she didnt put her almost 3 yrs old in day care. home setting because she would miss him to much .etc she just at 3 yrs old just dumped him into regalar cheeder. huh u think that putting a kid in reg cheeder is better for them then getting used to it slowly.

Emuna

Sun, Sep 18 2005, 12:15 am

Just a cute little tidbit - the day after we made the decision to take her out the funniest thing happened. Out of nowhere this hugely TEETHY smile began appearing throughout the day. This is 100% true and my mother-in-law noticed it also. "Where did that TEETHY smile come from???" Mushkie was always happy but that MAJOR SMILE just started last week. I think she was aware of the whole decision process.

I have another question but I'll start it on a different thread because I don't know how long I'm allowed to keep going with this one.

supermom

Sun, Sep 18 2005, 5:27 am

I agree every child is different but just because a child cries in the day care doesn't mean it is a bad decision for her. I put my kids in at a young age since I was working five months and 1 and half years old and they cried don't get me wrong for the first two weeks but after that they really enjoyed it. and now my other daugther is in and she in also a year and half and she loves it she literally walked in and closed the door on us even before I can enter!!!

but to say a 22 month old is to young I can't say for sure it is just possible that she needs more love than going out at this point. I have to agree with the rebbitzin that socializing at this piont in her life is good with kids her age mabye it is the wrong school but it won't harm a child at such a young age to socialize.

their was a girl in my daughters group last year she was two years old. she was put in at two years old and she didn't know what it meant to socialize until now she is three years old she has a hard time with it. If someone would take something from her she would go hysterical an not calm down for almost fifteen minutes no matter what you do to distract her or even give back the toy to her. so is this normal I would say no.

Emuna

Sun, Sep 18 2005, 11:45 am

Hi Supermom,

I realize every situation is different and some Moms DO have to work and put children in day care. But you probably wouldn't have done daycare if you didn't have to, right? You're right, chances are if I left her there eventually she would have LOVED it - and this was my struggle because I didn't want her to miss out on that fun. But she seems to be doing well now, B"H.

One thing I'm noticing --

Some Moms are saying that under three there isn't much socializing, but more parallel playing, and other Moms say that they should really be socializing at this age.

I find when I take my daughter to mommy-and-me and the park with "her" friend (actually my friend with a child the same age) the children DO NOT socialize but just do their own thing. Is this really considered socializing? I don't know, I'm asking.

Another quick P.S.:

I've seen some Moms who DID put their kids in daycare speak LOSHON HARA about the children who didn't do daycare, speaking poorly about the child's social skills - or that the child is too clingy. I was shocked to see this from people that I otherwise respected, and it really turned me off.

AweSumThenSum

Sun, Sep 18 2005, 12:37 pm

my children were both 19 months when I put them into playgroup, and I have not regretted the decision at all (they are now 11.5 and 8.5, respectively). they were both unusually bright and I felt that they would flourish in a setting among other children, even if most of the children were a bit older than them.

supermom

Sun, Sep 18 2005, 1:51 pm

emuna not saying anything bad about not going to daycare but the girl I was talking about was the only child even now and still she is having a hard time socially because the only person that she has ever seen is her mother she never went out or anything on that sort. so what I was saying is that a kid like that should have been put in a little bit earlier so this way she would be somewhat social.

about kids that are not social as you say in the park you will be surprised before I put my daughter in her daycare she was never that social in the park and I thought it would be the same but once she was in daycare I saw her cling to those kids that she saw almost everyday in the park.

proudmom

Mon, Sep 19 2005, 3:42 pm

I have the same problem, my son is 3 years old and he cries everytime I leave him. I dont know for how long he cries, I feel really bad. My son went to a different school last year and he only cried once and then he was fine. In Yeshivah he cries a lot. He was so happy in Beth Rivka. The reason why I changed him is because In Bais Rivkah it only goes up to age 2 for boys. I didnt send him to Yeshiva because they didnt have room for him.