What makes a women pretty

dancingqueen

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 1:46 pm

Pretty is usually more about the face and s-xy is more about the body. And both have to do with symmetry but beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

(And since I see it a lot here, woman=1 lady women=many ladies)

And OP, tell dh that harping on your weight doesn’t exactly put you in a s-xy mood.

amother

Ginger

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 1:52 pm

amother [ Seafoam ] wrote:

My husband put on 25 pounds and honestly don't feel any different about him or his looks. I still have 10 lbs from my last baby and hubby still very attracted.

Honestly I'm sad for your dh that you would be disappointed in him for putting on a few lbs from life and stress and age. Being overweight is hard enough without the person you love telling you he'd like you more or they're 'disapointed' in you.

Most men don't think being overweight is hard. It's mostly women who put so much emphasis on their weight and staying trim.

maof1

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 2:21 pm

Confidence, and a positive demeanor makes a women attractive. Its difficult for you to have confidence or even fake it when your being told by your significant other that he finds your weight unattractive. Hugs🤗🤗
That said, OP you mentioned that you have a pretty face and you like your cheeks. When you look in the mirror that's what you see. You know it's pretty. You like it. Learn to love it. Look in the mirror and tell yourself how s-xy and beautiful and attractive you are. Not for anyone else but yourself. Because at the end of the day you won't be able to change others opinions of beauty. But when you know your self worth its going to make a huge difference in your life and it wont matter as much what others say.
When I cook food and then taste it and like how it came out, I dont need anyone to reassure me that it's good. I know. I tasted it. I love it so I know it's good. I always accept compliments because it feels good, who am I kidding. But I dont NEED it. I know what it tastes like and its gooood😉.
When you value yourself and you know you are one gorgeous girl then it wont bother you as much when your told otherwise, because you know that person is a fool not to appreciate your beauty....
If your DH wants you to lose a little weight and itll make you feel better about yourself then do it. But do it for yourself. But appreciate yourself now as well, bcs it's just a pity not to.
I'm passionate about this, and writing what I'm thinking... so hope this makes any sense.

amother

Wine

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:05 pm

It’s not important what is considered pretty. Even if there is a universal definition of pretty (which there isn’t) and op matches that to a T It doesn’t help at all if her husband would like her to be skinnier. You can also not convince someone that someone is pretty if they think otherwise. That said OP Needs to communicate to her husband that she feels hurt that He is nagging or expecting her to do something that is difficult and that she feels that she is not good enough unless she loseS those pounds. He may say that he is bothered that she is not putting in an effort to be attractive for him. Frankly if it were to be me I would offer to make an effort to lose 10 pounds To show goodwill and in return he would need to do something practical to show that he is making an effort to except her as she is

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:19 pm

amother [ Pewter ] wrote:

Right, because only skinny women have great marriages right? From what I have observed, the men who criticize their wives for gaining a few pounds, are the first in line ogling other women.

If my DH said something like that to me, I would consider not staying married to him.

It is possible to be fit and healthy while overweight, and also be slim but unhealthy.

A classic straw man argument.

I said taking the hardline with his feelings.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:26 pm

30 pounds is a lot of weight. Depends on ops height, if she's short it can mean she's now obese.

In an ideal world our spouses would be very attracted to us no matter how we looked. Sorry, but that's not how life works.

IMHO in an ideal marriage each spouse does the best they can to look attractive to their spouse. Clean teeth, groomed body etc.

Losing weight is very very hard. I know, I've been there. But dhs disappointment that his wife gained 30 pounds does not make him a bad person. And her taking a hard line will not better her marriage.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:29 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Do you think she gained weight to spite him?

What a dumb question.

OP is hurting. Her dh is disappointed. Both can be true at the same time. If she cannot lose weight, effectively communicating to him her feelings while understanding his would be a lot more helpful than some of teh "advice" aka dh knocking here.

amother

Pewter

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:39 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

And OP taking a “soft” line means she will never feel good enough for him and spend her entire marriage fretting about the odd gain in weight.

I don’t think 30 pounds is all that much actually. One summer I lost about 35 pounds after an active vacation. My DH didn’t even notice. But maybe that is because some DHs don’t care about weight.

You can be overweight and still attractive. Like I said before, this isn’t about OP’s weight gain but her DH telling her to lose. It isn’t a good precedent. What if CVS a spouse has a serious accident with facial injuries or body scars? Life happens. In a strong marriage the couple adapt to the other’s new look. Not criticize the moment there is a physical change.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:46 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

Based on your response to me I would take your advice about effective communication with a grain of salt. And telling a wife she’s not pretty because she gained weight and making her feel bad won’t help her lose weight.

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 4:19 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

Since you're not the op, you do not need to take my advice with a grain of salt...or without one. This has absolutely zilch to do with you.

And also note that we are not addressing ops dh here as to effective methods for getting your wife to lose weight.

amother

Aqua

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 4:37 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

It’s just laughable to take communication advice from someone who calls other people dumb when they disagree with them.

ShishKabob

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 4:41 pm

Didn't read the whole thread.
According to the Gemara if a woman has pretty eyes you don't need to check out the rest. Please beware that I may be off with a few words, but that's what I remember.
This was insinuating, that a pretty woman, is a woman with pretty eyes.

amother

Teal

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 5:06 pm

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it the body or the face? I'm asking because I have a pretty face and was skinny before I got married and now that I have kids gained weight. I was thought pretty refers to the face but my husband thinks the opposite:( He does appreciate my face but is much more into that I could lose weight and look much prettier...I guess it's a guy's way of looking at things. What are your thoughts?

Guys like hot sxy bodies

amother

Cerulean

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 5:53 pm

amother [ Aqua ] wrote:

It’s just laughable to take communication advice from someone who calls other people dumb when they disagree with them.

It seems I hurt your feelings. I apologize for that. Please note I did not call YOU dumb but the insinuation that anyone would think she gained weight to spite her dh. That has absolutely nothing to do with anything.

In any event, I have no interest in arguing with you. My advice is to op. She can take it or leave it.

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 5:56 pm

My DH is trying to make me fat.
I am trying to be healthy and he sabotoges me at every turn.
He baked a babka for me today, last week bought me Sunkist fruit gems, and keeps ordering treats for me when he places the grocery order.
I tell him that I feel unheard and that I am trying to be good. His response is that if he makes me fat I will have low self esteem and I won't leave him.