What makes a women pretty

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:02 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

It's a womans obligation to try her best to be as retractable as she can for her dh.

My DH prefers his pens retractable and his women not.

malki2

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:06 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Confidence and a great smile are wonderful attributes to have but these glamour magazines that sell tens of millions of copies aren't putting "confident" women in their pages.

let's be real here.

Correct. They are putting mostly horrible-on-the-inside women, full of make-up and air-brushed. One time, you should Google “actors without their war-paint”. You would be shocked to see how hideous some of these “gorgeous” women look without their make-up. Ok, so let’s not deny that some are beautiful, but most are chosen primarily for their figures. IRL none of these women hold a candle to a decent-looking woman with true Yiddishe Chein.

maof1

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:12 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

My DH is trying to make me fat.
I am trying to be healthy and he sabotoges me at every turn.
He baked a babka for me today, last week bought me Sunkist fruit gems, and keeps ordering treats for me when he places the grocery order.
I tell him that I feel unheard and that I am trying to be good. His response is that if he makes me fat I will have low self esteem and I won't leave him.

Omg what?!

amother

Royalblue

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:16 pm

maof1 wrote:

[/b]
Omg what?!

He is teasing. I do not suffer from low self esteem in regard to my figure at all. My nose, maybe. My ability to hold my own in a political conversation, maybe. How to select the right clothes and if a dress is in style, maybe. But not my figure.
My face lights up like a child when I get treats and he enjoys that.

amother

Brunette

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:21 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Good, because if he were serious, that would be insane and abusive.

maof1

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:49 pm

amother [ Royalblue ] wrote:

Haha ok... I'm glad you have a good self esteem because many people wouldn't find that too funny. But now you just made me in the mood of babka... oh well Can't Believe It

asmileaday

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 3:57 pm

amother [ Brunette ] wrote:

My DH prefers his pens retractable and his women not.

Didn't read the entire thread.
My personal opinion is that a pretty face outweighs a pretty figure (if you can only choose one...).

amother

Purple

Fri, Jun 26 2020, 5:53 pm

Men like thin women with curvy figure in the right places and a face that is at least ok. That’s the reality. This doesn’t mean that Dh can insult you. As much that you can’t say I wish you made more money like xyz. Or I wish you knew how to learn like this rabbi. Marriage is about being smart and loving what you have. Just because it’s yours not because it has perfect resume. You can ask Dh in a nice way to find another job if it’s applicable Dh can ask you let’s go on a diet in a nice way

Rappel

Sat, Jun 27 2020, 11:05 am

There were studies done on this: comparing the girl you date Vs the girl you marry.

A bunch of heterosexual men were shown around 60 pictures of women, and asked to rank them. Their answers changed depending on if the men were looking for a dating partner (temp fling), versus a marriage partner (long term relationship).

The same men, presented with the same pictures, valued bodies more in dating partners, and faces more in marriage partners.

Make of that what you will.

Chana Miriam S

Sat, Jun 27 2020, 7:04 pm

My husband has always thought I was beautiful even at 200 pounds overweight. What I find surprising is 1) people who always thought I was beautiful because of my smile, and 2) that these dsys, having lost over 100 pounds, but still being 80-100 pounds overweight how beautiful so many people think I look. Without makeup, in sweaty workout clothes. I think it’s because I feel amazing and so people think I look amazing. I’m not more beautiful than I was, I’m older and my face is more wrinkly than it used to be. Apparently this translates to attractiveness. I can’t understand it but it seems to be true.

dancingqueen

Sat, Jun 27 2020, 7:42 pm

amother [ Fuchsia ] wrote:

Confidence and a great smile are wonderful attributes to have but these glamour magazines that sell tens of millions of copies aren't putting "confident" women in their pages.

let's be real here.

Actually, this is OT, but due to the body positivity movement, you see more normal and plus sized women in fashion magazines. And all over insta etc.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Jun 28 2020, 5:27 am

andrea levy wrote:

I finally lost most of the weight I've been carrying around for decades. (Not as much weight as you but enough.) My neck is now fully visible which makes me look thinner. Of course it's a 50+ y.o. neck. Twisted Evil

Looking at your picture, you look beautiful. Not by comparison to anything else.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jun 28 2020, 5:36 am

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

30 pounds is a lot of weight. Depends on ops height, if she's short it can mean she's now obese.

In an ideal world our spouses would be very attracted to us no matter how we looked. Sorry, but that's not how life works.

IMHO in an ideal marriage each spouse does the best they can to look attractive to their spouse. Clean teeth, groomed body etc.

Losing weight is very very hard. I know, I've been there. But dhs disappointment that his wife gained 30 pounds does not make him a bad person. And her taking a hard line will not better her marriage.

Off someone married at 100 or 120 and now is 130 or 150 that is not obese.

Ora in town

Sun, Jun 28 2020, 5:39 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

Is it the body or the face? I'm asking because I have a pretty face and was skinny before I got married and now that I have kids gained weight. I was thought pretty refers to the face but my husband thinks the opposite:( He does appreciate my face but is much more into that I could lose weight and look much prettier...I guess it's a guy's way of looking at things. What are your thoughts?

Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder...

So if he says that body, to him, counts more than face, I would believe him...
Could also be that your face didn't change, he still has the benefit of your beautiful face, that's why he is saying that the body is more important... and if it were the other way round, he would say the contrary...

now on what action you should take, that's another question...

lamplighter

Sun, Jun 28 2020, 7:01 am

It doesn't matter what we think makes a woman pretty. We aren't judging your beauty your DH is. Wether he has a right to or not is another story.
It is very hurtful to hear that your spouse is not attracted to you. Are there other things you can do to put more effort into your appearance that's not dieting?
I would call him out on it too. Tell him he hurt you.

amother

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 9:43 am

Thanks everyone for your replies. I appreciate the replies that stated that I should work on my self confidence and I think that will help. I am on a diet it's just very hard to keep to it. And btw my husband has a big belly and gained a nice amount since we're married. A lot of times I feel hurt that he doesn't appreciate my weight and we do discuss it and it did get better. I don't let him talk about my weight but he tells me if he notices that I lost weight (which I appreciate but also don't because I feel like its such a small amount that makes me feel that he's too much into it.) I started out at 135 and now 30 pounds over so I do feel bad sometimes that I don't look as good as I used to. but I do have a very skinny top and waist-it's just my bottom that is overweight. Hopefully it will get better and I will be able to keep to my diet.

amother

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 10:21 am

lamplighter wrote:

Another idea, why dont you suggest exercising together?

we do on walks together. exercise videos- I feel like there wont be a tznius one that we can both do.

FranticFrummie

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 10:33 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

we do on walks together. exercise videos- I feel like there wont be a tznius one that we can both do.

That's a great start!

Another thing, if you're not already doing this, is menu planning together. See what fruits and vegetables are in season right now. Summer is the perfect time to go on a diet, because all the natural foods are so delicious! (I hate dieting in the winter. Everything is root vegetables and starch. It's quite depressing.)

Honestly, if I were being put down and insulted by DH (I am not saying this is happening to you), just saying that if it were happening to me, my DH would be admiring my back side - as it was disappearing out the door. Mad

amother

Denim

Tue, Jun 30 2020, 10:47 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

we do on walks together. exercise videos- I feel like there wont be a tznius one that we can both do.

Oh yes. My husband and myself both exercise together. We found videos with men instructors. Ill ask him and post the website soon.