S/o locking child in room

silverlining3

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 8:46 pm

Perhaps lighting while holding onto your child, and not covering your face would do? I'm not saying it's okay or not to lock. I just can't imagine locking a child into room and walking off. But then, I bh don't struggle with a child you described.

May you only see nachas from your child(ren).

nanny24/7

Wed, Jul 22 2020, 10:00 pm

I have allowed my SN child to light with me and "help" me ignite the wicks for this reason. No matter what. Lighting would come before punishing or discipline, and truthfully once we got distracted by lighting I conveniently "forgot " about any discipline after. Isn't the point of discipline to redirect anyways?
Oh and I lit only in the stainless steel sink. No way table could have worked. And of course all matches have to be always locked away to only use with adult. And yeah my prayers couldn't be as fervent. I hope G-d answers all my unuttered deep wishes from my heart. I can't imagine a pow wow at every candle lighting, and bringing shabbos in every week with discord and tension would be "holier".

amother

Aquamarine

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 12:18 am

If only we had the luxury of time to plan our responses in advance.

Alas, these situations come up suddenly and often at a time when we're already flustered.

The question is, should locking a child in a room be considered so atrocious that it wouldn't even come up as an option.

I don't believe so. I don't think it is an ideal choice, but saying, as you lock the 7-year old in his room, "I'm so sorry, Moishy, I wanted you here for candle lighting, but I'm afraid you might do something dangerous. I'm going to bring you right back as soon as I'm done and I can give you the attention you need," is reasonable.

If this situation happens every week, obviously something else needs to be done; and either way most parents would be actively working on ensuring this type of out-of-control behavior / meltdown doesn't happen again.

But in the moment, I don't think that lovingly putting a child out of harms way is morally equivalent to beating them.

ora_43

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:01 am

lilies wrote:

Some kids get worked up quite easily and are defiant enough to dance on the line of safety. Just saying.

I'm actually curious about what the halachah would actually be? I'm having a hard time believing that Shabbos candles shouldn't be lit in this case.

I realize that, but that's part of my point. A kid who gets worked up quite easily is not a kid who is going to have the calm, rational realization that they've been locked in a room for their own safety. A kid defiant enough to endanger themselves could hurt themselves in a locked room, even if they're only in there for a couple of minutes.

ora_43

Thu, Jul 23 2020, 3:02 am

amother [ Aquamarine ] wrote:

The question is, should locking a child in a room be considered so atrocious that it wouldn't even come up as an option.

That's a question, but OP's question was "what would you do." Just saying.