I’m your child’s therapist and deserve some recognition

Ema of 5

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 12:29 pm

amother [ Aubergine ] wrote:

I responded in the beginning of the thread. I do think this thread is a little bit ridiculous. That being said, now that everyone's talking about notes they write to the teachers. What I do is, is by purim time, I give them a mishloach manos with a cookbook in it. I have a nice poem that I write with it. My kids all have to write their own personal note to their teachers at that point. (I do have them get creative with it, they use color paper, markers, glue, glitter, and whatever else they want to make the note for their teacher) My younger kids were too young to write, color pictures for their teachers, and I write in a dear teacher Love child's name.
By Chanukah, I give whatever the school asks for, for the teachers. The only one I tipped separately was the rebbe since that wasn't included in the school tip. I did give the rebbe a pretty nice tip. ($100 with a note) I also had to give the teacher who takes them out everyday to learn chumash.

When my son got speech therapy, I give the same cookbook in the mishloach manos And my son
colored his own personal note to her. He did have her for a few years, and I do not remember if I gave her every year or not.

it's not really something that should be expected, it's nice to get but definitely should not be something you expect from a parent

I don't expect my clients to give me gifts and this entitlement in this thread is disgusting.
Actually in the industry I work, I send out gifts to certain people quite a few times a year we never get gifts back.

How many kids do you have, and how many teachers do they have? That sounds super expensive, as cookbooks are not so cheap.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 12:35 pm

Mommyg8 wrote:

When you give your OB a little present or thank you note, are you thinking that they are not making that much money? Is that the issue?

If it's not about the money, then don't make it about the money. Please don't bring up how much therapists are paid or not paid. If that's not really the point.

The reason money came up is because a bunch of mothers (not only on this thread) used it as the reason they send gifts to teachers and not to therapists. In response, many therapists wrote that we probably don't earn quite what you think we do. And teachers often make just as much or more than we do.

I personally am of the opinion that neither teachers nor therapists should be getting gifts or tips for chanuka. Thank them throughout the year and shoin.

seeker

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 12:53 pm

OK I stayed out of this for a while but now I'm ready to add my 2 cents.

I can only speak for myself so I could be mistaken, but think what triggers a thread like this is a feeling of being left out. In my experience (SEIT/SETSS) parents tend to give verbal thanks during routine conversations, I am compensated fairly (not generously but thus is life) by the agencies/DOE I contract with, and I have no expectations and full understanding of the time, energy, and financial constraints parents are under - especially now that I am a parent and feel endlessly grateful every time the PTA takes up a collection that exempts me from having to think too much about these things. Now, for some of my cases I pop in and out of a school for one kid, granted this is somewhat more of a shlep for me but it's very clean and simple. Other cases/years I have been in one school for either all or half of the day (similar to the teachers.) In these settings you work up more of a relationship with the staff, other teachers, other kids in your students' classes, you feel like part of the school community. Then the holidays roll around and everone is celebrating happily together and you're clearly excluded. And even though you are perfectly aware that nobody owes you anything, and you chose your job knowing the costs and benefits (including, likely, your preference to work 1:1 rather than 1:20), and you don't judge the parents for not having time/money for gifts, and all that stuff we've covered very thoroughly here - it still is going to sting on some level when you are surrounded by people participating in holiday exchanges and you are cut out of it.

One school I worked in one year included the "resident" therapists in a group gift (of the PTA standard-issue mishloach manos variety) and I think that was very nice AND appropriate of them. By coming and providing services in their school we are doing a service for them and their students, they are able to offer a benefit to the parents, and they don't have to pay a penny for it other than the admirable effort they put in coordinating and accommodating the schedules. It was a great way to make therapists feel included in the school community and appreciated across the board without putting any additional burden on the parents. And I think it would be perfectly fine if the usual PTA/group gift is a mishloach manos with a check/gift card, and they give the therapists a mishloach manos without the money - it's the gesture that counts.

In short, I think this is less about entitlement and deserving and earning, and more about social-emotional reality.

amother

Pumpkin

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 12:56 pm

I live in Lkwd. I take 1 DD out of school twice a week to private OT. I gave the OT a $36 check for chanuka bec she takes insurance and it’s very inexpensive for me. She spends so much time on the phone and explaining things to me cuz I’m new to the OT world. I sooo appreciate her and I wanted her to know that. My other DD just qualified for speech therapy in school for an “S” lisp. She got evaluated and some forms were sent home but she hasn’t started the sessions yet. This thread got me thinking, if she had been in speech therapy thru the BOE since September, would I have remembered to send something to her therapist for chanuka? Sadly probably not.. so u opened up one persons eyes. When we don’t speak to you, don’t know ur name and never met u, we don’t feel the same kesher as someone we see twice a week and watch the effort that goes in and the phone calls etc...

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:28 pm

amother [ Pumpkin ] wrote:

Since September? The therapists here don’t start seeing kids until November.

amother

Gray

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 3:30 pm

seeker wrote:

One school I worked in one year included the "resident" therapists in a group gift (of the PTA standard-issue mishloach manos variety) and I think that was very nice AND appropriate of them. By coming and providing services in their school we are doing a service for them and their students, they are able to offer a benefit to the parents, and they don't have to pay a penny for it other than the admirable effort they put in coordinating and accommodating the schedules. It was a great way to make therapists feel included in the school community and appreciated across the board without putting any additional burden on the parents. And I think it would be perfectly fine if the usual PTA/group gift is a mishloach manos with a check/gift card, and they give the therapists a mishloach manos without the money - it's the gesture that counts.

In short, I think this is less about entitlement and deserving and earning, and more about social-emotional reality.

The school I worked in did that too. And it was great. But the parents had nothing to do with it. What bugs me about this thread is the therapist having tainos against the parents.

amother

Cerulean

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 4:28 pm

heres my unpopular opinion. I feel like I am actually doing the therapist a favor by letting my kids go to them. We are new to the community and it is just so obvious that they are trying to rack up as many bill-able hours as possible. Before my primary daughter started this year they had all the parents sign off that their daughters can get help for speech kriah math etc. when I asked the morah why she said money for the therapists come from the government and so why not. Around half the class goes out for kriah and math. My daughter is now getting pulled out for speech because she has a slight s lisp I told the therapist I dont allow for more than one session a week. My sons school offered a social worker to help my son 'integrate' because hes the 'new boy' in the class. when I spoke it thru with the principal he admitted that its not neccesary but why not they get to bill hours and it wont hurt my son.... these were all suggested(besides speech) before they even met my kids. So no I dont feel like I need to go out and tip these therapists as well.

amother

Coffee

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 4:38 pm

amother [ Cerulean ] wrote:

Yuck. Sorry, but that's really messed up! And then everyone will wonder why the government cuts back funding, which will hurt the kids who really need the help. Such a shame.

amother

Azure

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 5:01 pm

I got a great gift today. I work in a dialysis clinic.
My patient brought in a bag full of masks, each in it’s own individual ziplock, one for each of the employees.
They are the white Hanes cotton masks. They are $17 for a pack of 10 on Amazon. His DDs (granddaughters?) tye-dyed the masks in vibrant pink, blue, purple, and green. Each one has a little note attached which says “thank you for taking such good care of our dad. Stay safe. Merry xxxxx. With much appreciation the Smith Family”
More that that I don’t need, I will probably never wear the mask as I wear kn95s but it shows thoughtfulness and hakarat hatov.

DVOM

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 5:42 pm

amother [ Azure ] wrote:

That's really sweet.

When I worked with non jews, it was perfectly acceptable to receive a 3$ mug, or a 2$ candle, or a nicely wrapped bar of fancy soap, or a chocolate bar, around holiday time. Small, affordable gifts that communicated recognition and appreciation.

I wish this was the standard in the frum community. Up thread, one poster stated that getting a 50$ gift card was an embarrassment. Most people are giving gifts that cost much more than a face mask.

I make beautiful masks. I embroider them with beads and lace and needlepoint. They cost very little to make, but they're unique and pretty and useful, and they take time and thought and creativity. I wish I could give a small, inexpensive, homemade gift like this to my kids teachers. Sadly I think it wouldn't be well received. As a community, we expect more. It's a real shame.

amother

Ecru

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 5:52 pm

I went to public school in the States, and now I live in Israel and send to public frum schools.

In none of these schools was it ever appropriate to tip. Ever.
I think tipping teachers and therapists is a travesty. They are academic professions and should be paid a respectable wage. Do you tip your lawyer or your doctor? No, you usually tip services that are one-time and not connected to academia - the food industry, deliveries, etc.

And even if teachers are not paid enough, tipping should be illegal as it is in public school. It makes things unequal and can cause favoritism. A teacher who received a huge tip isn't going to fail a certain child, etc. Tipping destroys any possibility of impartiality.

amother

Aquamarine

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 6:15 pm

As a SEIT/P3/resource room teacher, I totally get the OP. It hurts to feel left out and unappreciated.

As a parent, I'm totally guilty of not tipping. First of all, I often don't even know the names of the therapists working in school with my children! But I don't usually send to teachers either chanukah time, it all adds up when you have several children! I usually give mishloach manos, and then I do try to give therapists as well. This year chanukah I gave chocolates only to a couple specific teachers who I have been in touch with a lot regarding a specific child.

watergirl

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 6:16 pm

amother [ Ecru ] wrote:

I wonder if these therapists who work for the city would get tips from their non jewish students. I cant imagine its a thing there. A card? Maybe. A TIP?! No.

amother

Azure

Mon, Dec 21 2020, 7:00 pm

watergirl wrote:

I wonder if these therapists who work for the city would get tips from their non jewish students. I cant imagine its a thing there. A card? Maybe. A TIP?! No.

Actually, while my mom is retired 15 years now from a public school in the Bronx, she always got gifts and cards from her students-especially the South American Hispanic ones. There were numerous best teacher mugs, Walmart brand scented lotions/body sprays, non-kosher chocolate hearts on Valentine’s Day, 4-6 “ teddy bears in ruffly dressed, homemade cookies, “gold” rhinestone pins.....
The cards were often folded piece of paper and sometimes written by the children, and sometimes the parents were barely literate and said Dear Teacher, Thank you. Merry xxxx.
It is not about the gift. It is not about the cash. It is about showing hakarat hatov. And I will repeat what I said before, and tomatoes were thrown, it was always the nice, well mannered child who brought the gift. The ones who say thank yin. The ones who use the word please when they ask for something. The ones who submits homework-even when it is wrong. I am not saying that there aren’t well brought up children who struggle with behavior or attention. There is a difference between that kind of challenging and chutzbadick, ride, and demanding.