Spending money when others are in need

cassandra

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:04 pm

Ok, now I see what your point is. But I didn't really see that being anyone's main contention-- I've been thinking more along the lines of our responsibility toward ourselves to be moral rather than not doing something because of responsibility toward others. But I guess that just further illustrates my selfish shallowness.

Clarissa

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:10 pm

That wasn't my original point, but it's come up because of the posts in which people said that the problem with conspicuous consumption in certain areas is that it'll increase social pressure to follow. So everyone will think they need to spend more money.

My original point has been stated a whole bunch of times. If you're telling someone that they're wrong to spend $150 on a bag but you're comfortable with having spent a lot on your home, your jewelry or your car, you're being hypocritical. I spend how I want to, you spend how you want to. Even if one's in-laws gave one a ring (I keep hearing that one), one can certainly say to one's in-laws, "that's not what I'm about, why don't we give the money to a good cause?"

I have all sorts of opinions about stupid spending, and I do judge. But I'm not going to start insisting that people pass on their handbag and give to charity until I divest myself of my possessions and move to that Buddhist monastery that keeps sending me those purty brochures.

cassandra

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:18 pm

I don't see anyone saying that we must insist that people give up all luxuries so that they can give more to others. What I did see some people saying is that if someone is already questioning which is better, if it isn't really such a great difference to them to give it rather than buy something extraneous, then perhaps a person on that level should give it rather than buy the item. I don't think anyone was raising an idea to be applied to the average person.

To me this whole discussion has been about what is ideal vs. what should reasonably be expected of a person, vs. what is wrong.

Clarissa

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:36 pm

Maya wrote:

I recently had this discussion with a friend, and I'm curious about what you ladies all think.

Suppose I can afford to buy something, and let's say it's a handbag that costs $150. I have given my maaser and more to tzedakka already. Is it fine for me to spend that money on something so trivial when there are people out there that can helped so much with that amount? In other words, is it fair of me to splurge on things I want every so often when there are so many families in need?

Besides for the "I would never buy a handbag for that amount" comments, what do you think?

Here's OP's original post. She asked if it was "fine" to spend that money. She didn't ask if it was ideal.

freidasima

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:42 pm

Motek, maybe it's a matter of upbringing or education but yes, I try to remember it all the time. Every day, with every possession or good thing that happens to me.

Yes I speak to the Ribono Shel Olam as if he were sitting next to me. I talk to him, I thank him, I daven to him, I get angry at him sometimes (yes!), I am bewildered by him, but I am always grateful to him for everything good that happens to me and try to understand why when bad happens to me. That's how I was brought up to do, and that's how I taught my kids and that's how they do as well.

Maybe we are throwbacks to another era...my kids always ask whether I am really 20th century or possibly 19th in hiding.

As for coach bags, bill gates, and all the rest, the most important thing to know is that playdough will not ruin anything if you scrape it off as much as you can. Don't worry. And as for loving your rug or washing machine, just on shabbos when we were visiting and I wanted a quilt to sleep (in EY almost everyone uses pukhs, summer ones or winter ones) and they didn't have, dh said to me "you love your blanket" and I answered, yes, I never grew up. Maybe I didn't.

flowerpower

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:48 pm

it is your money. you can do what you want with it. you can buy a mercedes, diamond shoes, ten coach bags...im sure u will feel great using them. if u choose to give tzedakah you will feel great too. the bottom line is that u can give and u can spend. its all up to how much money u have and what u choose to do with it. in laws have money. they spend a lot but give tons to tzedaka

Last edited by flowerpower on Thu, May 15 2008, 2:55 pm; edited 1 time in total

Clarissa

Thu, May 15 2008, 2:53 pm

cassandra wrote:

And this thread is different in that we have to stick to strictly answering the question because____?

I stand corrected. I've been out-argued.

OP, please don't buy the bag. And if it's not you, please discourage whoever is contemplating the bag.

Bags are stupid.

momof6

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:21 pm

[quote="miriamf"]Clarissa, Playdough will not ruin your washing machine. My washing maching is alive and has washed many a playdoughed outfit. Do you really love your washing machine? If so, then your problem is much greater than being materialistic. You are looking for love in all the wrong places. As much as you love your washing machine it will never love you back. I think you also once mentioned you love your kitchen-aid. Maybe you have an appliance fixation. But I digress, this is not the intimacy section. But it does sound like your husband loves the rug. So maybe you are well-matched after all.
And why do you still have matzo around! Get rid of it! What is going on in your house? Maybe you actually need to be little more materialistic, then you would be be motivated to clean the material objects in your house. [quote]

There was a robot in our mall (in Nashville, TN) who used to sing " I've got friends w/o faces.....washers...and dryers... "

amother

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:25 pm

Clarissa wrote:

one can certainly say to one's in-laws, "that's not what I'm about, why don't we give the money to a good cause?"

I did, sort of. My mother wanted to buy me a wedding gown and then give it to a poor kallah. I told her it would be better if I borrowed a gown and gave the money that it would cost to buy a new one to a poor kallah.

chaylizi

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:32 pm

louche wrote:

Clarissa wrote:

an imitation Prada bag is the same as a real one.

I have a genuine Nada bag. Literally. I haven't carried a purse in years.

I carry my mini diaper clutch ($30) everywhere regardless of whether my baby is with me. it has all my stuff in there anyway.

gonewiththewind

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:50 pm

I think the main thing we can learn from this thread is: If you can't decide whether to buy a bag or not - Don't ask this board as we will end up arguing about diamonds. Just do whatever you want, Maya. Do not ask your Rav or Rebbe either.

I have also learned that if most women were given a choice between their daimonds and washing machines the washers win. Please don't do a poll with a choice between husbands and washers- I don't want to know.

chocolate moose

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:53 pm

when I go out at night to shiurim, I wear sneakers as most of the other women are not the dress up types. people wear or or comfy clothes, and one wears a robe, even. I don't want to look like I'm showing off.

to me, that would be wrong - it would be show-offy, even if the other people could afford it. it's not a simchas.

cassandra

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:53 pm

And throughout this whole discussion of diamonds I failed to notice that I had become a diamond poster. I think I should ask Yael to delete some of my posts so I don't make people feel bad with my wealth.

chocolate moose

Thu, May 15 2008, 3:54 pm

I don't feel bad when I buy a new outfit, robe or jewelry. heck, I didn't feel bad when I bought my apt., although I take only told the ppl on the board, it took a loooong time for me to tell people irl.

at the age that dh and I are, how hard we work for our salary, I don't have to feel bad.