Anyone else bothered by the “theme” trend?

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:11 pm

Themes are good when they are original/shticky/funny/creative. Many of themes are the same ones that everyone does just everyone thinks they are original. Maybe 10% are unique. Our themes are really creative and bring a smile to many peoples faces.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

I completely agree with you. I do not read anyone else’s poem either. And my kids open everything so fast that I rarely even see a completed mm aside from our own. I agree with you, I should not do it because it doesnt make me happy at all. But I feel like a “loser” if I don’t “play the game.” My kids are all young enough to not care about whether we do a theme or not.

That’s sad. No need to feel like a loser. It’s probably a good idea to work on your self esteem so you don’t need to suffer just to feel good.

amother

Starflower

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:14 pm

If we're talking about bikkurim, check out Mishnah 3:7 as a counterpoint.

Initially, it used to be that the capable people would recite the bikkurim declaration themselves, while incapable people would have it recited for them. But after it was realized that the embarrassment of being visibly incapable caused some people to stop bringing bikkurim altogether, the rabbanim made the process more "equal," such that everyone had it recited for them, including the people perfectly capable of reciting themselves.

I don't have an opinion on Purim themes. Just noting that one could also cite from Bikkurim in support of minimizing certain kinds of public differentiation, even when such differentiation is not unfair per se.

amother

NeonYellow

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:20 pm

I don't understand why you feel so much pressure. Happens to be. I do love Purim but I do not theme my kids. My kids enjoy dressing up as what they are interested in not together. I just make a classy mm for me. I make labels for each kid matching their specific mm but I don't theme foods etc. just do you...

amother

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:21 pm

giftedmom wrote:

You’re pressuring yourself then. So you deserve the work lol. Seriously if you hate it and your kids don’t care then just stop.

Thanks for the mussar. I will think about this. I wonder if for me personally, it’s my ego/ yetzer hara causing me to do it because I do not want to stand out or look like I’m not as capable as others are. Something I DID actually struggle with a lot as a young kid in many way now that I’m thinking about it.

amother

Ruby

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:34 pm

Please do not feel pressured to have a theme! I'm finding now that I'm in my 40s that I bh started caring way way less what others think of me, etc. It is beyond freeing. The truth is, no one really cares what you do.

amother

Maple

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:34 pm

I have few little kids and for me personally its easier to get same costume for everybody and have my brain organized. ( I like to match my kids for the same reason)
I also do a themed mm as I could get away very cheap yet still come across as cute or nice.
But you do you.
I love being creative and use my creativity in all areas possible.

amother

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:41 pm

amother Ruby wrote:

Luv this, good for you and thanks for the chizuk! I’ve worked on myself and my self esteem has improved tremendously in various other areas, yet purim is something I still feel very pressured by for some reason.

Simple1

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:45 pm

I’m curious where you all live that you must do themes. I live in Lakewood and most adults give simple or classy type. Some salads or baked goods. Kids and teens more often, but not always, do themes, but my kids do their own. It is a bit of a stress for me with shopping and messes, but if it makes them happy…

amother

Stonewash

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:47 pm

I never do a theme. But the last 2 years my oldest dd has been convincing the kids to be matching because it’s “socially off” to not do a theme. I try telling her their are kids dying to just be whatever they want and their parents make them be part of a theme, but she doesn’t care.

amother

Molasses

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:53 pm

I personally don’t like the themed shaloch manos. I think they look tacky and cheap. If your kids are zoo animals, I don’t want your little bag of animal crackers 🙈 even when I do themes, I try to give out things that adults enjoy.

Highstrung

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Haha yes, that is my “excuse” for myself as well but it anyways ends up being way more work than I originally intended no matter how much I try to simplify. And then trying to get a family photo because of all the work that went into coordinating everyone is a whole other post…why am I not strong enough to stand up for what I believe in and NOT participate in this idea when I TRULY do not feel it adds any meaning to our Purim celebration and quite frankly, in my opinion, does the opposite…

Then stop doing it. I love themes. But I stopped because my children wanted their own freedom of expression and are at the age when they are no longer interested in going along with a family theme. For me it was hard to stop , because I enjoyed the process so much. Not sure what pressure you’re even bowing to. Hundreds of people I know do regular MM and never did a theme. I was one of the rare people who did. But I think majority don’t.

ra_mom

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 9:55 pm

Why do you feel forced by pressure? Unless your children are pressuring you, you just do you (and if it's the kids, they can coordinate, which I'm sure they'll do very happily).
I don't do a theme, never felt pressure to, and have a blast on Purim BH. My kids each make their own individual theme and put in things to their own kiddie mishloach manos that tie to their costume, because they want to, so I allow them to lead the way.

HonesttoGod

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:00 pm

Wait. It’s a “thing” to do themes?

I mean I do themes for one reason. It’s easy for me. As in I choose a theme or my kids decide what they want to be and then we just get everyone else the same and making MM is so much easier for me when I have a theme. No trying and building and shopping around. I am very creative and having a theme really helps rein it in.

I don’t try be creative or cool and no funny poems. I just do what works for me.

Growing up we never had a theme. Maybe we matched costumes some year but definitely not matching Mm.

amother

Amaryllis

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:25 pm

I'm not really understanding the issue here... Scratching Head

If you don't like doing a theme, who is forcing you? Why do you have a problem with what other people are doing? I love doing themes and I love getting theme mm. Why does that bother you?

I'm being dlkz that you live in a community where you won't be able to find a shidduch for your kids due to the lack of theme. I live in Lakewood and we don't have this issue.

ETA: I do not mean to sound so snarky - I just really think you shouldn't care about it so much!

Thisisnotmyreal

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:29 pm

Hashem doesn't want hours and hours working on a theme if you don't want to do that. Hashem though appreciates the effort of those who spend hours and hours if they are joyful and are doing it for Him.

amother

Amethyst

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:33 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

That’s not what a theme means. I only give out adult food that matches my theme. They would probably give you nosh regardless. We have two types kid versions and adult versions. But many people give for the family and the animal crackers are for the kids not the adults

amother

Canary

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:40 pm

There is no right or wrong here. If you enjoy themes and the prep involved without it costing you your sanity, that's great.
I personally gave it all up years ago. Mishloach Manos is wine and chocolate for the neighbors. With a simple Purim Sameach.
The kids dress up as whatever they want. They are big now, but when they were little I did put a bit of effort into making them creative and original costumes - if that is what they wanted and because I enjoyed it.
I coordinate our family's Purim seuda. I make it festive and beautiful, but totally based on what's available at the local party goods store, so no combing the internet months before Purim or running around town looking for obscure items.
B"H for me, Purim is not stressful at all

imasinger

Sun, Mar 05 2023, 10:46 pm

I enjoy making my poems, and I read everything that anyone sends me.

Just in case anyone reading this thread thinks nobody bothers to read and appreciate their creativity.

Some people will, some people won't.

OP, you do you and don't let anyone pressure you otherwise.