S/o PSA if you are having guests who have a baby under 6 mon

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:04 pm

amother Trillium wrote:

I would always invite a guest to either use the living room (separate from the dining room so not visible by others) or they can go upstairs and use any of the children's bedrooms. One of my sil will only nurse lying down, so she'll use one of the kid's beds when she comes. I don't mind.
Although when the shoe's on the other foot, I would usually take along a bottle when we're guests. I mix feed for this sort of purpose. I like knowing when I go out I can just give a bottle, and it also means someone else can just give a bottle so this tiny infant isn't solely reliant on me and I can never leave them.
I think it's important to be flexible on both sides.

I don’t give my babies formula. For any reason (not a crunchy mom). And a baby who has never had formula or used a bottle will not do this for their mother’s convenience. Technically I could pump, but if bottles don’t come easily and I will start leaking because I haven’t nursed, things will be embarrassing pretty fast.

amother

Eggplant

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:04 pm

Wow. Not one kind, empathetic response on the entire thread.
OP has a 3-month old baby. Literally still a kimpeturin. Plus anxiety. Plus a very disturbing experience.
I would agree the PSA wasn't worded in the nicest way, but OP is clearly still agitated from the experience, making it hard to focus on that.
As for the actual PSA, you'd think a crime was committed here judging by the responses. Some hosts always like to be prepared for the guests needs, and some won't bother. No right or wrong, but I'm sure plenty of hosts appreciate hearing such PSAs. I do.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:05 pm

DrMom wrote:

Yes, most adults can sit in a dimly lit room for 40 minutes without freaking out. And you did have something to do: you were nursing.

You could have left the door open a bit to let some more light in, no?

If it was pitch black and/or too cold, then why didn't you speak up? Did they throw you in a dungeon?

The room was off of another room that was being used. I did say something but she was kind of like what do you want me to do.

I couldn't see a foot in front of me pitch black. I didn't realize how I guess this expireonce isn't a big deal for most people.

amother

Broom

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:05 pm

Im so sorry op.

That doesnt sound nice at all.

Was it actually in a basement??

Does your husband ever come check on you when youre nursing?

Would your baby ever take a bottle?

The part that got to me was when you asked your host for somewhere better to nurse, she didnt give you another option.

amother

Steel

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:05 pm

Such posts make me rethink inviting guest. You are lucky enough to get invited, no need to provide additional.space other than your sleeping accomodations.

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:06 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

OP, a 3 months old nursing for 40 minutes every 2 hours, is abnormal. Please take him to the pediatrician for a check up and make sure to mention this.
You also may want to seek help for your anxiety.
Good luck!

Postpartum anxiety is real and should be addressed with your OB or baby’s pediatrician. It’s not embarrassing to get badly needed help.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:07 pm

amother NeonBlue wrote:

Why can't you nurse on a chair in the bathroom?

And honestly if your nursing sessions take 40 minutes and you're likely to have two of them during the meal, that sounds like a pretty big inconvenience for your host. I would be thinking of that more than the fact that you had to nurse in dark room. Maybe now isn't the right time for you to be accepting invitations.

This is my first baby. I didn't realize how abnormal it is to nurse this long public.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:08 pm

amother Broom wrote:

He did come check on me but I felt bad making him stay with me. He doesn't take a bottle.

amother

Broom

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:09 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

I dont want to start a spin off, but parts of this thread should be in the threads where people talk about why breast is best.

People who say that they cant be bothered with the faff of bottles...

Op, Im sorry again,you went through this.
It sounds very uncomfortable.

When I nursed one of my kids I really used to feel anxious when eating somewhere new, where would I nurse.(think wedding, sheva brochos, shabbos meals)

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is my first baby. I didn't realize how abnormal it is to nurse this long public.

It’s not abnormal- every baby has their own needs. None of the closet pediatricians or lactation consultants on this thread know you or your baby. Babies also nurse longer and more often when they’re going through a growth spurt.

amother

Grape

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:11 pm

My baby is the same age and I don’t go anywhere except parents and in laws. It’s too uncomfortable.

If the only private option was pitch dark and freezing I would cover myself with a baby blanket and nurse at the table.

amother

Ballota

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:12 pm

amother Broom wrote:

I didn’t tell anyone else what to do. My babies don’t take formula or bottles. And if they did, I would be leaking in my lap because of a missed feeding. Telling a nursing mom to use formula is just as unacceptable as telling a formula feeding mom that they didn’t try hard enough.

amother

Chambray

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:13 pm

I’ve nursed 3 kids for over a year each and I gotta say I’m with OP on this. I’ve never ever been put in a cold dark room- I’m always given a bedroom when I ask where I can nurse. We eat out a lot and people are always super accommodating. It’s 2023- breastfeeding isn’t a taboo topic lol. Everyone has bedrooms- this isn’t something that needs to be asked about in advance! I’m sorry but I find this story and the responses extremely surprising.

That being said my kids nursed for 10-15 mins at a time. I absolutely would not go out for a meal if I needed to nurse 45+ mins every two hours. Unless maybe it was a relative or really close friend.

amother

Oxfordblue

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:14 pm

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Another psa. If you are hosting guest with a baby, please make sure you have a bassinet or crib for the baby.
Don't assume they brought along a stroller. Ask or discuss.

My mil didn't prepare anything for my baby the first time I came. Bh I came with a stroller and not a car seat.
She later purchased a pack n play but when I came with my next new baby we confirmed that there will be someplace to put the baby down.

You should have discussed with her before you came.

amother

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:15 pm

amother Grape wrote:

You would do that at someones house where there's at least five men you don't know and still aren't used to using a nursing cover and have trouble staying covered up, especially at a place like a strangers shabbos table. In my circles women don't really nurse at the shabbos table. Everyone would stare.

amother

Broom

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:16 pm

amother Ballota wrote:

Sorry, was not telling anyone what to do.

Nursing is not always as convenient as people make out it to be.

It does and should get easier.
And quicker.

I hope it does for you soon op.

amother

Broom

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes, I agree with you.
Would not do it at table or anywhere in front of people.

With my one child that I did nurse, I could never nurse in public.

Even when she was much older. It just was too exposed.

icedcoffee

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:17 pm

OP, I can sympathize. I had my first recently and found that nursing could be an unexpectedly lonely experience, especially on shabbat when you're basically staring into space. In the beginning I felt like I was chained to the bed while I heard everyone else laughing and talking in other rooms, and I was desperate to join them for some normal adult socialization. So I completely understand that. And if your doctor says your baby is nursing fine, then don't worry about what other people say.

I do agree with what others have said, though, that if you need an accommodation then you need to say so beforehand. I don't know anyone's situation - is the baby formula feeding? Did they bring bottles? A nursing cover to sit on the couch? While I personally would probably ask a new mom beforehand if there's anything I can provide for her, not everyone would assume you need a space. I'm sorry you had a bad experience. It does get so much easier though.

amother

Grape

Sun, May 07 2023, 5:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Well no, I BH have several kids and know how to use a nursing cover. And I don’t go places where there are several strange men. And in my circles people don’t nurse at a table either but they wouldn’t stare, that would be rude and people try to be polite to guests.

Honestly in the situation you’ve described I would have gone home and scrounged up some food.