Strangers, please don't talk to kids!!

amother

Pansy

Fri, May 19 2023, 9:56 am

amother OP wrote:

I don't think so.
No small talk and personal questions.
Yes if they need help, are lost or hurt.

This sounds logical and sensible. However, a person who is a creep would possibly take advantage of a situation such as a lost child. I agree that the messages here are mixed.

amother

Moccasin

Fri, May 19 2023, 9:59 am

amother Pansy wrote:

This sounds logical and sensible. However, a person who is a creep would possibly take advantage of a situation such as a lost child. I agree that the messages here are mixed.

Yes, a child who is lost or hurt is more vulnerable than a child who is playing outside or waiting for a bus! OP you have it backwards.

miami85

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:04 am

I don't think teaching kids to be scared of all adults is wise.

More and more the message is "teach children about strange behavior, rather than strangers"--such as "keep a secret" or "come to my [secluded spot]" or "remove clothing".

There's enough paranoia and anxiety going around these days.

amother

Buttercup

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:12 am

Sorry OP, if I see a child holding a project while waiting for the bus, and it truly looks spectacular, I will say "wow, that is unbelievable!! Is that a model of the bais hamikdash? Its beautiful! Did you mkae that?"
And if the kid smiles proudly and says yes, I'll say "unbelievable. How long did it take you? What are the shiny parts here made of?"
Sorry, but im not a creep, and a child should be taught the difference between that kind of talk, which is safe and appropriate, vs someone saying "wow, that project is amazing! My friend would love to see it but she has a broken leg, can we bring it over to show her? Its just that apartment over there"

Its our responsibility to teach our kids to differentiate safe vs unsafe, not to throw out all interactions with people they dont know

amother

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:22 am

amother Buttercup wrote:

Sorry, but I don't think it's ok to do this to a random child you don't know.
If you really must say something, just say that it's beautiful and walk on. Don't engage with the child or ask further questions and details.

amother

Eggshell

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:28 am

amother OP wrote:

Do you think that this conversation is going to lead to the adult become overly comfortable with the kid, and in that moment decide to lure her home for cookies?

Sounds like you are trying to save adults from themselves.

amother

Buttercup

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:35 am

amother OP wrote:

Please explain why. Please explain exactly which part of this dialogue is inappropriate and for what reason.

finprof

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:40 am

I admit I have not read all 7 pages but as someone who has always lived in friendly OOT communities, this sounds foreign. How would you react if you visited the South and a random stranger smiled and waved while you drove through the neighborhood? That is just normal friendliness!

amother

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:42 am

amother Buttercup wrote:

Please explain why. Please explain exactly which part of this dialogue is inappropriate and for what reason.

Just that fact that an adult is striking up a conversation with a random child. There's no reason to do this.

amother

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:43 am

amother Eggshell wrote:

Not necessarily, but it doesn't matter. There's no reason for an adult to strike conversation with a random kid.

amother

Buttercup

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Just that fact that an adult is striking up a conversation with a random child. There's no reason to do this.

So are you saying my asking questions about a beautiful bais hamikdash project is making me a creep?

finprof

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:48 am

I agree there is nothing wrong with complementing a child on their project. My kids would be thrilled, and no... they wouldn't then follow you into your car, even to help you find a puppy or whatever creepy scary thing you are afraid of. Kids can understand boundaries!

Highstrung

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:49 am

amother OP wrote:

Just that fact that an adult is striking up a conversation with a random child. There's no reason to do this.

It’s called being friendly. It’s not wrong . Basic kavod habriyos . Smile. Say Hi, give a compliment and make a child’s day.
Honestly, if I was that “creepy” woman, which I am , and your daughter would ignore me, I’d think your daughter lacks mentchlichkeit or is having a really bad day. I wouldn’t even think that it’s because she doesn’t talk to strangers . If a stranger strikes up a conversation and gives a compliment , teach your child to say “Thank you”. No need to get stand offish and assume everyone is creepy. Some people by nature are outgoing and friendly in a genuine way. I hope more and more people are that way. It’s sad that we live in a world where our children are being taught to be afraid to live , afraid to smile back at an adult, afraid to greet an adult (even a stranger).

amother

Eggshell

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:50 am

amother OP wrote:

Not necessarily, but it doesn't matter. There's no reason for an adult to strike conversation with a random kid.

We're social creatures. There is nothing inherently wrong with adults talking to children.

doodlesmom

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:50 am

Sorry op, I will need to disagree.
If a child walks past my house and is wearing a birthday crown, I will definitely say Happy birthday, and ask how old they are….
They’re obviously there with an adult, and I see no issue.

It can make their day in an appropriate way.

Highstrung

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:51 am

doodlesmom wrote:

OP is referring to no adult around

doodlesmom

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:53 am

Highstrung wrote:

OP is referring to no adult around

Well if they’re the age to walk by themselves…but young enough to appreciate the comment and feel good, then I would say it.

But mostly these kids are being supervised by adults.

amother

DarkPurple

Fri, May 19 2023, 10:55 am

amother OP wrote:

Not necessarily, but it doesn't matter. There's no reason for an adult to strike conversation with a random kid.

You're being a little over the top.

amother

Thistle

Fri, May 19 2023, 11:01 am

OP my sister is Lakewood is like you. She teaches her kids that everyone is a dangerous stranger about to kidnap them. They are scared of their shadows. Not super healthy imho

amother

Stonewash

Fri, May 19 2023, 11:13 am

amother Thistle wrote:

OP my sister is Lakewood is like you. She teaches her kids that everyone is a dangerous stranger about to kidnap them. They are scared of their shadows. Not super healthy imho

Maybe this is why every now and then a thread pops about people in Lakewood not being friendly.... Sounds almost like a culture thing.

I grew up in a large OOT community and we were taught to be wary of strangers, but not to flat out ignore and be afraid. If a lady commented on anything, I'd just say "thanks!" and move on. If she pushed further in an unusual way, you bet I'd be careful.