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Forum
-> Parenting our children
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amother
Stonewash
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 Thu, May 18 2023, 11:56 pm
| amother Carnation wrote: | | OP I agree with you! Today I was at an event in a shul as I was walking out there were men leaving from the shul, they started waving to my toddler and asking him his name...I guess its better that I was standing right there, but you're a stranger, why would I teach my kid to say hello to you |
Personally, I think this too dramatic.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:08 am
| amother Emerald wrote: | Really nothing wrong with asking a child to point to which house/door is a particular neighbor’s.
If the person G-d forbid is a creep, then the problem is that they’re a creep; not that someone asked which door is a specific neighbor’s. |
No, I don't think it's ok for an adult to ask a child for help. They usually ask "do you live here? Do you know where ....... lives?" That’s not ok.
And plenty frum people stop their cars to ask directions from kids playing outside, that is not ok.
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shaqued_almond
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:09 am
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I'm going to get so many tomatoes for this but I think getting upset at small talk is a bit exaggerated. Even back in the day when we didn't tell kids to stay away from stranger not every stranger groomed and violated children. Kids are much more likely to become victimized by someone they know well.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:09 am
| amother Carnation wrote: | | OP I agree with you! Today I was at an event in a shul as I was walking out there were men leaving from the shul, they started waving to my toddler and asking him his name...I guess its better that I was standing right there, but you're a stranger, why would I teach my kid to say hello to you |
This I don't mind, I'm right there with the child. It's not as if an adult is approaching children that are playing outside or waiting for the bus.
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amother
Eggshell
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:09 am
| amother OP wrote: | No, I don't think it's ok for an adult to ask a child for help. They usually ask "do you live here? Do you know where ....... lives?" That’s not ok.
And plenty frum people stop their cars to ask directions from kids playing outside, that is not ok. |
Why isn't it okay?
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GLUE
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:12 am
| shaqued_almond wrote: | | I'm going to get so many tomatoes for this but I think getting upset at small talk is a bit exaggerated. Even back in the day when we didn't tell kids to stay away from stranger not every stranger groomed and violated children. Kids are much more likely to become victimized by someone they know well. |
I think we as a parent have to teach our children how to talk to strangers.
This no talking to strangers rule have made some kids lost for longer then they should have. There has been true stories about kids lost in the woods that hide from searchers because they were drilled that they should not talk to strangers.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:13 am
| shaqued_almond wrote: | | I'm going to get so many tomatoes for this but I think getting upset at small talk is a bit exaggerated. Even back in the day when we didn't tell kids to stay away from stranger not every stranger groomed and violated children. Kids are much more likely to become victimized by someone they know well. |
I disagree. It is never ok for an adult to make small talk with a child. A child doesn't know who's a creep and who's not. So in order to protect them from creeps, the rule is don't talk to any stranger, even if they seem nice and frum. And adults should know that it's not ok to approach a child for small talk.
How is my child supposed to know that the lady wanting to see her protect is a safe woman? Even if she is safe, I don't want her talking to my kids, especially when I'm not with them. My daughter clearly looked uncomfortable, yet the women kept asking questions. Not ok. There's no reason for an adult to just approach a child and talk to them.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:15 am
| GLUE wrote: | I think we as a parent have to teach our children how to talk to strangers.
This no talking to strangers rule have made some kids lost for longer then they should have. There has been true stories about kids lost in the woods that hide from searchers because they were drilled that they should not talk to strangers. |
Talking to strangers when in danger and in need of help, is very different than an adult just chatting with a child or an adult asking a child for help.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:16 am
Because you don't ask a child for help. Kids don't know who's a creep or not. It's just confusing for them. It's basic safety for an adult to not ask a child for help. There are other options besides for asking kids. Asking kids "do you live here?" Is especially inappropriate.
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amother
Gold
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:17 am
| amother OP wrote: | I disagree. It is never ok for an adult to make small talk with a child. A child doesn't know who's a creep and who's not. So in order to protect them from creeps, the rule is don't talk to any stranger, even if they seem nice and frum. And adults should know that it's not ok to approach a child for small talk.
How is my child supposed to know that the lady wanting to see her protect is a safe woman? Even if she is safe, I don't want her talking to my kids, especially when I'm not with them. My daughter clearly looked uncomfortable, yet the women kept asking questions. Not ok. There's no reason for an adult to just approach a child and talk to them. |
A stranger chatting with kids is way different than a stranger asking a kid which door someone lives at. Sorry it’s a bit extreme I don’t see anything wrong with someone asking my kid where does so and so live which door etc and move in
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amother
Gold
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:18 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Because you don't ask a child for help. Kids don't know who's a creep or not. It's just confusing for them. It's basic safety for an adult to not ask a child for help. There are other options besides for asking kids. Asking kids "do you live here?" Is especially inappropriate. |
Really your kids shouldn’t be playing outside alone or standing by the bus Alone.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:19 am
| amother Gold wrote: | | A stranger chatting with kids is way different than a stranger asking a kid which door someone lives at. Sorry it’s a bit extreme I don’t see anything wrong with someone asking my kid where does so and so live which door etc and move in |
Even if you don't see anything wrong, from the kids perspective, they don't know who's a creep and who's not. So as a precaution, the rule is don't talk to strangers. And I thought most adults know that we don't ask kids for help. Creeps that approach kids, often start with an innocent question like asking for directions or where someone lives...
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amother
Eggshell
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:19 am
| amother OP wrote: | I disagree. It is never ok for an adult to make small talk with a child. A child doesn't know who's a creep and who's not. So in order to protect them from creeps, the rule is don't talk to any stranger, even if they seem nice and frum. And adults should know that it's not ok to approach a child for small talk.
How is my child supposed to know that the lady wanting to see her protect is a safe woman? Even if she is safe, I don't want her talking to my kids, especially when I'm not with them. My daughter clearly looked uncomfortable, yet the women kept asking questions. Not ok. There's no reason for an adult to just approach a child and talk to them. |
What do you imagine this woman could do to your child, if she was a creep?
Better just teach your daughter how to say, "I don't know" and walk away if she isn't comfortable.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:20 am
| amother Gold wrote: | | Really your kids shouldn’t be playing outside alone or standing by the bus Alone. |
A 10 year old? In front of the house where I can see them from the window? Sure they can play outside or wait for the bus alone.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:21 am
| amother Eggshell wrote: | What do you imagine this woman could do to your child, if she was a creep?
Better just teach your daughter how to say, "I don't know" and walk away if she isn't comfortable. |
That's what she did. She kept walking away but the woman wouldn't give up. Bh the bus came then.
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amother
Eggshell
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:21 am
| amother OP wrote: | | Because you don't ask a child for help. Kids don't know who's a creep or not. It's just confusing for them. It's basic safety for an adult to not ask a child for help. There are other options besides for asking kids. Asking kids "do you live here?" Is especially inappropriate. |
You're talking in circles.
Its confusing for them if you teach them not to talk to strangers.
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amother
Gold
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:22 am
| amother OP wrote: | | A 10 year old? In front of the house where I can see them from the window? |
Seems like not cause someone will ask your kid for a neighbors exact door you seem extreme sorry.
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amother
Eggshell
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:22 am
| amother OP wrote: | | That's what she did. She kept walking away but the woman wouldn't give up. Bh the bus came then. |
Great - your daughter encountered someone who was socially off... and dealt with it, life skill.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:22 am
| amother Eggshell wrote: | You're talking in circles.
Its confusing for them if you teach them not to talk to strangers. |
No, it's not. Because there's no way of knowing which stranger is safe and which stranger isn't.
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amother
OP
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Fri, May 19 2023, 12:24 am
| amother Gold wrote: | | Seems like not cause someone will ask your kid for a neighbors exact door you seem extreme sorry. |
Excuse me? I thought most adults know basic safety rule to never approach kids for help.
(But I do know that in certain circles, safety isn't discussed with or taught to kids.)
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