Are so many people really that rich? What am I doing wrong?

amother

Wallflower

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 11:38 am

OP we always lived simply. No fast food meals, No AC until my kids were in their teens. No car.
no big smachot. Bh' we had weddings and they were lovely. Now I am nearing retirement and I really want the AC, car, small vacation, eating out. We change. I daven .

amother

Kiwi

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 12:54 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

Looks are deceiving

I personally don’t shop in these type of stores because I think the prices are insane for what I’m getting and I don’t find the quality holds up.

fWIW, on a typical day I’m walking around in an outfit that’s worth a house down payment.

You’re wearing an outfit worth hundreds of thousands? Can't Believe It

amother

Thistle

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:04 pm

amother Kiwi wrote:

You’re wearing an outfit worth hundreds of thousands? Can't Believe It

A watch on its own can cost 50 grand or more. It’s definitely very possible with jewelry, bag, wig and watch. That’s even without the actual clothes.

amother

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

Really? You wear an outfit worth hundreds of thousands of dollars??? Or that's what your jewelry & accessories are worth? I'm very curious to see 1 outfit priced the price of a down payment. (Unless down payments in your area are $2K.)

amother

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:05 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

A watch on its own can cost 50 grand or more. It’s definitely very possible with jewelry, bag, wig and watch. That’s even without the actual clothes.

That's what I'm asking, if it includes jewelry & accessories or only clothes.

giftedmom

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:08 pm

amother Impatiens wrote:

500,000$ outfit? Links please

amother

DarkGray

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:10 pm

giftedmom wrote:

500,000$ outfit? Links please

Downpayment can be more like 100k so if she has 80 k in jewelry, a 10k bag, and 1k each shoes belt and various clothing that’s 100k

amother

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:11 pm

amother DarkGray wrote:

Downpayment can be more like 100k so if she has 80 k in jewelry, a 10k bag, and 1k each shoes belt and various clothing that’s 100k

Please tell me in which frum community is a down payment 100K, I'm running!

amother

Thistle

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:13 pm

I know a few woman that can be grocery shopping in accessories worth a down payment.

More like 100-200 grand down payment.

It definitely exists

amother

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:15 pm

amother Thistle wrote:

I know a few woman that can be grocery shopping in accessories worth a down payment.

More like 100-200 grand down payment.

It definitely exists

If by outfit she meant including jewelry and accessories, that makes sense. The clothing alone, that makes no sense.

amother

DarkGray

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 1:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please tell me in which frum community is a down payment 100K, I'm running!

You can put down 10% so in Jackson you can find for a million.

amother

Papayawhip

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 6:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was out shopping, the stores are so crowded. Not even cheap stores. Expensive stores! People getting $180 coats for 7 kids $150 outfits for the entire family, $90 backpacks for all kids.... how has this become normal standard??? I feel like I'm doing something wrong that I can't buy $90 backpacks for all kids.... I also feel like it's such a waste.

I don't think it has to do with how rich a person is but more about how much a person feels the need to make an impression/ fit in.

Even if I could afford $90 backpacks, why would I buy them?

amother

Peru

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 6:45 pm

amother OP wrote:

Please tell me in which frum community is a down payment 100K, I'm running!

Most communities. The question is how will you afford the monthly bill? With that kind of down payment your mortgage will be be at least 5,000 a month.

amother

Peru

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 6:46 pm

giftedmom wrote:

500,000$ outfit? Links please

In which planet are down payments $500,000???

amother

Celeste

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 9:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

I went to the store recently (got a postpartum gift card) and I also think so-are others so rich? I am not anyhow jealous, I am intimidated and anxious. I'm not lazy, I'm not stupid. I balance working and parenting. What did I do wrong not to achieve a magnificent career that would let me live like people around me?

My kids will use last year's tjmaxx backpacks, I bought them shoes from $5 Westgate shoe gemach (Lakewood) outlet -and my kids are happy. They aren't worried about names and tags. I am -yes, very anxious, that I cannot provide for family and make myself so rich. I don't need brands, I need financial security. Feel stupid and loser not to achieve like others achieved to be dressed so nicely and put together.

amother

Celeste

Wed, Aug 16 2023, 9:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

I scrolled through the thread.
Okay, sometimes I don't even know how middle class do it.

I know what I do:
Shopping (in Lakewood) kiddichic !outlet, not store, stuff for $5-15, junees: 1 for $15,2 for $20 when they have summer and winter sale., Clover /sage (cheaper than serendipity when last seasons stuff for $10. Shoes-westgate shoe gemach outlet ($5/new pair) or Westgate shoe gemach (some things there also hit $50 and online can be cheaper, let's say I buy girls bearpaw boots online for around $35-40). I manage to fit shoes well and take good measurements, and companies I usually buy fit the same way, once you know their sizing and how they fit, I am confident to buy online. Juvenile had sale in winter for coats (they still have them in their outlet for 50 off) so I bought for next year, was cheaper than on Ali. Two years ago I bought Abercrombie for my kid, she could wear it into 3 rd year, but I wanted new jacket, and bought on sale in juvenile....for me even middle class prices people quoted here sound like too much. But all these companies do go on sale, lil legs have sale when their stuff is 70 off, and then it is affordable.

My kids are average clean, look pretty neat and pretty normal. I grew up surrounded by brand mania, so I am chilled about it, doesn't give me high, or doesn't add me any extra feelings of being rich. My kids aren't chasing names and are happy (so far BH BH BH). I am grateful and happy to buy cheaper stuff and be dressed. Shoes for $5 pair get destroyed same way as shoes for $100. I feel actually very good from being able to spend less and provide for my family in the same way like others with more money. I love my old couch and when I clean it, I think "wow, I'm so lucky, it can last us other 5 years". I think as we get older, we understand that things can be used much longer.....

I am yes afraid that one day they will be worse off because, let's say, we don't have much money, and someone, a good solid boy, will not pick my daughter for shiduch because of that (that's what people tell me happens). I am afraid that I won't be able to help kids with down payment and they won't be able to own their home. But -I have 6-10 years until shiduchim ,I will worry about it later). You can live happy using less, and still be content, and don't look like you are homeless and nebach. In United States bh you can get things in the middle class range, and they are still pretty decent. None who buys a 1k pocketbook does so because they want to break down the expense over 30 years, even if people would claim LV or Hermes can last this. It's not all black and white, and people can be living pretty normal here even without buying luxuries. Our life here is better than any third world country life even with a $30 dollar backpack.

amother

Currant

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 12:13 am

amother Impatiens wrote:

OMG! but WHY?
Oh I am so happy to be so clueless about and disinterested in fancy expensive things....

familyfirst

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 2:57 am

Reading this thread, I’m really beginning to think I live on a different planet

$10,000 a bag? For real? To the grocery?
$1,000 for a belt?

I’m all for looking good and out together. A brand name bag feels good. And I’m still proud of myself that I got a coach bag on sale for under $200.

As with everything in life, the middle ground is the way to go. Look good, enjoy nice clothing, but within reason and budget and what is the middle ground norm for your community

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 4:35 am

amother OP wrote:

Wow. Even if I had the money - $90 backpacks?! No way. I would never.
I have to buy my daughter a backpack right now and even $30 is a lot!
I had planned to use hers from last year and just tried putting her school supplies in - Folder doesnt work for the size she has Sad

amother

Sapphire

Thu, Aug 17 2023, 4:44 am

amother Mulberry wrote:

I think I can explain somewhat.
A few of my friends work off the books, so they get food stamps and wic. They aren’t spending any money on groceries. Instead, they go out to eat and shop the stores .
Also, a have more friends where the grandparents buy the coats and a yom tov outfit for each child ( myself included bh)
Lastly, some kollels in Lakewood give certificates to the Jewish stores for the avreichim kids.
And there will always be people who put it on the credit card and hope to pay it off soon. I’m not defending that, I’m just stating the reality.
Btw, we have a chasidish neighbor who buys designer matching outfits for her kids , but only buys like 3 outfits per kid , per season. She would rather wash more than buy 15 cheap things for the same price.

Really?
We have food stamps and otherwise would not have money for food. I assume im not the only one - how would that afford me to eat out?
And even if I could, its a lot of $$ when average price to eat out is $25-40 per person these days. That could be 4 dinners.