Dressing kids in style how important?

amother

Anemone

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:25 pm

amother Blushpink wrote:

I’m confounded that this is a shaila. But I also don’t understand what you mean by your trauma surrounding this.

My in laws are dirt poor due to my father in law having limited interest in working he thinks it’s beneath his dignity. They have a big family kah and my husband is smack in the middle of the double digits. He has no recollection of ever getting new clothing as a kid, some of his stuff was passed down from his oldest brother who’s close to 10 years older than him. He remembers his shirts always swimming on him and his pants never being the right length. He never got to experience the feeling of something being new and special just for him. I’m from a real Hungarian balabatish family where’s it’s a given that we were outfitted in European clothing for YT. It’s how I was raised, it was how my holocaust survivor powerhouse of a grandmother raised my mother. My husband will never let my kids go into YT without fresh new outfits (that I source from Europe at great prices). For someone who never got to experience the feeling of dressing well like their classmates and feeling cute, I could see how this can trigger them.

amother

Blushpink

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:35 pm

amother Anemone wrote:

I’m sorry, but I didn’t see OP ask about getting new clothes vs hand me downs. I saw her asking specifically about in style/brand name. That’s the part that I don’t understand both that trauma and the Shaila.

Also it’s well know that Hungarians out a premium on looking a certain way, but I didn’t see OP mentioning this.

amother

Wandflower

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 1:54 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

Times like these I say: thank G-d I live in EY. My kids don't even know what a brand name is.

My kids in Lakewood don’t know there are brands or in things to wear. Totally dependent on each school and neighborhood.

amother

DarkKhaki

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:06 pm

My kids dont know brand names. What I do attempt is clean clothes that are in good condition so they won't get teased. People in my neighborhood often give away clothes their children grown out of if there are no siblings near the child's age because storing clothes for years doesn't work anymore. I think if you live in a neighborhood with such high standards that you can't meet you might need to move.

amother

Brown

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:16 pm

Congratulations on your girls becoming little teens! I don't quite think you need to move just yet. But you do need to start paying a lot of attention and trying to shop sales and deals!

I think you can also begin to involve your girls in the decision making process. Its OK for them to know that we can't have it all, but this is what I think makes sense. And then see if they have some other solutions. You might be surprised at their adaptability.

And to poo-poo it as all crazy is not helpful. Wearing a lululemon hair tie is totally different from the Goody ones that come in a 100 pack. Its meaningful to kids. Its not really meaningful to me and I don't care about it, but young girls do care. And I think that if that is respected and allowed to the degree that you feel comfortable with, then they will come to a healthy balance.

You can show them that you care about what they like and still show them limits. Spend time looking for stuff, be excited to show them the options you found, decide together, indulge in some fantasy thinking (I wish I could get you everything), and I think you will come out on the other side in one piece!

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:35 pm

amother Starflower wrote:

Let’s say I would pay up to $70 for a pair of shoes but the name brand shoes they want are $150, they can use their own money if they really want.

This.

If they really want it, that's fine. Tell them that right now, this is what you can afford. You'd be happy to pay that amount towards whichever coat they want. If they want to pitch in so that you can afford the pricier option, that's fine.

Of course, you need to allow them to make money if this is your stance. Lots of ways kids can do this...

amother

Ecru

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 2:51 pm

I don't understand why this is a shayla though. What is the rav going to say? Is it buy an Old Navy coat and give more to tzedaka?

You have to dress your kids and fitting in is important. I'm not saying buy the brand name, but your idea of the offbrands sounds like the best option to me.

I'm not against real brand names when they mean quality. For example, I have Blundstones. They last. But I'd only do that for classic styles that won't be out of style next year and for kids who have stopped growing.

Sewsew_mom

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 4:26 pm

You mentioned that 75% girls wear brand names in the school.
How can you tell from a naked eye that they are all buying real authentic brand name items?
I buy my kids from all over. Sometimes it's aliexpress. I doubt anyone would know my kids are wearing copy's because they can't tell themselves which is real.
It's such a joke. Such a trap. I personally wouldn't think anyone is wearing real.. Cus why would they when it's 17x the amount you can pay for fake that look and act the same way.
I'm regards to old navy VS aliexpress - give and take. Some things I buy gap /old navy and some I'm looking for more trendy styles. I think only you can choose.
But it matters to kids. So listen to them and see how you can compromise

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 5:25 pm

amother DarkGreen wrote:

Please don’t get them old navy coats at this age. Let them feel a little good about their coat. Ali piks coats are not a bad price. An old navy oat isn’t even warm enough . Plus they will look worn out sooner.

It's not a bad price if you have the financial ability for it.

amother

Papayawhip

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 5:31 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

Wow I’m such a loser. What is wrong with a new coat from old navy?

Literally nothing. Old Navy is much better than anything from Ali Express, which is garbage made from slave labor. I am curious to see which coat you are all talking about though.

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 5:46 pm

Sewsew_mom wrote:

No 75 percent wear the coat my kids want. Appaman makes one and another brand which I don't know. And then some girls have the Ali one. So not all are wearing the brand name, but may are (I can see the appaman symbol).

amother

Thu, Sep 21 2023, 5:47 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

The Rav might say it's important for that age or he might say it's not good chinuch to get them the same as everyone.