Rebbe and Morah who potch at home

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:12 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

You seem to have some trauma regarding this. Maybe get over it before being all dramatic & extreme about this topic.
Many parenting methods that are popular nowadays, are harmful to kids as well, more harmful than a potch.

Please reach out to a parenting mentor and discuss it with them. It’s very harmful and there is so much information out there about potching. Nobody recommends to potch anymore.
Maybe 30 years ago it was recommended as chinuch but not anymore.
Speak to a gadol or parenting expert and reevaluate.
Hatzlocho!

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:13 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

I used to potch my kids on occasion, before I learned rav wolbes sefer and learned better parenting techniques. I worked with children at that time and I never, ever used punitive methods in my work at all. Don't assume anything. I also happen to believe that yelling at kids can be just as harmful, if not more so.

In my opinion, yelling at kids is way more harmful than a potch. And so so so many parents around us are constantly yelling at their children, they don't even realize it. And parents that yell, generally yell all the time, while a potch is more seldom.
The torah tells us not to raise our voice & to speak in a calm manner. The torah tells us that we may potch our children. This alone should tell us which is more harmful.

amother

Ecru

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:14 pm

First of all, as many others have pointed out, hearsay coming from young children should be taken with a grain of salt. There could be many levels of exaggeration to that story.

Second, I think OP thinks of potching as a hard slap/hit vs most of us (I hope) are talking about a tap that’s more scary than painful. And there’s a big difference between the two.

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't need any parenting advice, thank you very much.
You seem to have unresolved trauma & think that a potch automatically means severe, angry, spanking.

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:15 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

Potching and yelling is harmful.
None should be used.
Yelling doesn’t make potching right and potching doesn’t make yelling the correct method.
Why are we equating the two?

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Potching and yelling is harmful.
None should be used.
Yelling doesn’t make potching right and potching doesn’t make yelling the correct method.
Why are we equating the two?

Potching is not automatically harmful.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

Potching and yelling is harmful.
None should be used.
Yelling doesn’t make potching right and potching doesn’t make yelling the correct method.
Why are we equating the two?

so if you heard your morah/rebbe yelled at their kids you would have the same feeling?

amother

Sapphire

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Potching and yelling is harmful.
None should be used.
Yelling doesn’t make potching right and potching doesn’t make yelling the correct method.
Why are we equating the two?

I'm the one who brought up yelling. If you eliminate everyone who ever yells OR potches their kids, there won't be very many people left to educate our children.

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:18 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

I don't need any parenting advice, thank you very much.
You seem to have unresolved trauma & think that a potch automatically means severe, angry, spanking.

I’m saying this with the best of intentions. Everyone can use guidance in parenting. It’s so important to read, ask and learn new ideas when it comes to the chinuch of our kids. Please reevaluate and get guidance. It’s never to late to change an approach.

Parenting is a humbling experience and we all change and learn once we are exposed to better techniques and ideas. There is no shame in reaching out for guidance.
Hatzlocho!

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Bh we're raising fine good kids and seek the advice of trusted people that help guide us when needed.
But thanks for your concern.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

true.
but I don't think when it comes to chinuch there is one way. everyone is different and everyone's kids are different.

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:20 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

so if you heard your morah/rebbe yelled at their kids you would have the same feeling?

If they yelled as a shittah I would have an issue with it. If they yelled due to frustration and felt remorse, they are human.

The issue with potching is that those who retain to the old way of thinking that it’s chinuch, it’s a shittah of theirs. That’s very worrisome and problematic.

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:21 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

true.
but I don't think when it comes to chinuch there is one way. everyone is different and everyone's kids are different.

This is true but potching is harmful across the board.
Read R’ Wolbe on potching.

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:21 pm

amother Geranium wrote:

so if you heard your morah/rebbe yelled at their kids you would have the same feeling?

I think that OP should homeschool her kids, none of her kids teachers would probably pass her inspection of "perfect" parenting.

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is true but potching is harmful across the board.
Read R’ Wolbe on potching.

It is not.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

so if your rebbe/morah potched their kid out of anger and felt remorse than it's not as bad?
sorry for the 20 questions, just trying to understand the crux of the issue...

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:22 pm

amother Salmon wrote:

OP who guided you in better methods? How are you mechanech your child if they do something wrong?

I’m constantly learning and trying to understand better ways to be mechanech.

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

You are wrong.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:23 pm

amother Dustypink wrote:

I think that OP should homeschool her kids, none of her kids teachers would probably pass her inspection of "perfect" parenting.

I probably wouldn't
(and I'm a real-life teacher Very Happy

)