Rebbe and Morah who potch at home

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

The mechaneches daughter made a public announcement about it to the class. It wasn’t a private conversation to dd. Regardless I will just hope it isn’t true.

what was the context?
did she blow up out of nowhere? were they talking about chinuch methods?
again... holes...

amother

Ecru

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

The mechaneches daughter made a public announcement about it to the class. It wasn’t a private conversation to dd. Regardless I will just hope it isn’t true.

That sounds a bit odd. Why would she make an announcement like that? It sounds like a “revenge announcement” I.e. she’s mad at her parents so she’s getting back at them by defaming them

amother

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:56 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

That sounds a bit odd. Why would she make an announcement like that? It sounds like a “revenge announcement” I.e. she’s mad at her parents so she’s getting back at them by defaming them

The girls we’re talking about if they potch in their house and they were discussing it and she said they potch in her house.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:56 pm

amother Ecru wrote:

That sounds a bit odd. Why would she make an announcement like that? It sounds like a “revenge announcement” I.e. she’s mad at her parents so she’s getting back at them by defaming them

OOOOR, the class may have been having a conversation about methods and she may have said "my parents who are totally respected people have potched us as kids as we're totally ok"

we obviously shouldn't assume but context is EVERYTHING

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

The mechaneches daughter made a public announcement about it to the class. It wasn’t a private conversation to dd. Regardless I will just hope it isn’t true.

This story is making less sense with every post....
Why would a teen make a public announcement that her mother potches? In what context did she say it? What was the discussion about?
You're taking half details and spinning a tale & judging a person based on this. That is not ok & I sincerely hope that you didn’t tell your daughter anything that you posted here. I hope that you didn’t discuss it with your daughter at all.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:58 pm

[quote="amother OP"]The girls we’re talking about if they potch in their house and they were discussing it and she said they potch in her house.[/quo

and was it a vent? was she angry? was she defending her parents and their methods?
sorry to be repetitive... holes...

amother

Dustypink

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 10:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

The girls we’re talking about if they potch in their house and they were discussing it and she said they potch in her house.

Ok, so they potch. It's still none of your business & not something you get to spin a tale on & judge someone about.
You should teach your daughter to not repeat personal information about others. Part of parenting, is modeling and instilling good middos and how to treat others with respect.

amother

Geranium

Sat, Nov 18 2023, 11:05 pm

and IF in a theoretical situation, a child of a rebbe/morah would say that their parent did potch but their home was filled with love and that child felt that the occasional potch was an important part of a well rounded chinuch- would that change your view on that morah/rebbe?
or even if the "potchee" was ok with it- you would still think they aren't qualified to teach?
again, not saying this is the situation, but let's say...

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 12:06 am

Op, I potch my kids at home. But never ever potched any students.

I give a potch ONLY when:
1. I warned them before
2. They do something really dangerous
3. They hit their sibling even after they were told not to.
4. It doesn't happen often.

Funny how I know a family (7 kids) that the mother and father never potches, the kids are terribly behaved, one by one.

Op, I wonder how old your kids are. I'm guessing not too big yet to realize that sometimes a kid growing up asks for a potch! Sometimes they need it.

My older sons (who don't get potched anymore!) Tell me I was too soft with them when they were younger. Even though I potched, they felt they deserved it every time.

Also I think to say a potch is a dealbreaker is silly bc there are other things that can harm a child much more. Like:
Putting down a child
Degrading
Lack of love
Ignoring

But hey, if you think your parenting will be better with a course and no potching ever, let me hear how your kids are in 15 years from now...

taketwo

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 12:09 am

Op, I'm sorry you've been given a difficult time here. I totally understand where you're coming from. You're not spreading LH by repeating this info. You're coming here anonymously because that info made you feel uncomfortable.

Maybe your daughter repeated it to you because she too felt uncomfortable about it. It may not even qualify as LH if she said it ltoeles, if you're her emotional support and she needed clarification or understanding, that's ltoeles

Rabbi Brezak and many other of today's chinuch experts and esteemed rabbonim all say patching is not good chinuch for this generation. The fact that someone who's job is your children's chinuch is doing things contradictory to today's chinuch experts is not sitting right with you. I hear that. It's valid.

Whether you can do something about it is a whole other story. Assuming it's minor patching and not abusive, you can not change their home life. Regarding your kids, what counts is in the classroom. It sounds like you have an open relationship with your children. If there is anything concerning going on in the classroom during the years they will have your children you will know about it and cross that bridge when you get there. Though I doubt that's going to happen.

Teachers are teachers in school and mothers at home. Two very separate roles. Although both are chinuch related, there is comfort, in this situation, knowing that being mechanach someone else's children is completely different from being mechanach one own.

amother

Seashell

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 12:15 am

amother OP wrote:

It’s interesting how on the potch ama thread posters are vehemently against potching. This thread apparently attracted the few pro potching posters.

It’s 2 different scenarios.

Here, you’re concerned about something that we don’t even know if it’s legitimate

On the other thread, she’s stating facts. How can you compare?

amother

Topaz

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:05 am

amother OP wrote:

In this generation if you’re potching,
you’re harming your kids.

It’s kind of basic knowledge nowadays.

If you are doing that you should go for a parenting course and resign from your teacher’s role asap.

That's ridiculous.
Sometimes parents need to softly potch a kid.
100% disagree w/ you

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:18 am

taketwo wrote:

Thank you for this it means a lot.

amother

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:21 am

amother DarkGray wrote:

I’m not concerned the mechaneches would potch my kid. No teacher hits high school students.

It makes me uncomfortable that she doesn’t know something so basic that potching isn’t good chinuch.
So many expert mechanchim and gedolim have spoken out against potching. Why are they potching still if it’s known to be wrong? That all.
I have children at all ages and stages bh.

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 1:25 am

amother OP wrote:

It’s interesting how on the potch ama thread posters are vehemently against potching. This thread apparently attracted the few pro potching posters.

If you’d say the teacher hit in school it would be different. Your thread is based on third hand info you got from your daughter without context and doesn’t affect the students so people are replying to that.
I’d pull my child out of school if I’d hear the teacher hit someone in the class. This thread is not about that.

amother

DarkGray

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 2:48 am

amother OP wrote:

Which gedolim spoke against potching? Cuz the Torah says otherwise. Did they change the rules?

I happen to know mechanchim that do believe in giving.

Again, in a house that you potch and don't show love, that is a problem.

In some houses where they don't potch, they yell a lot or put down the kids. IMO that is not better chinuch.