PSA: If you're at a simcha & you get a call/text

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:51 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

OP, next time your sibling pressures you to do babysitting please announce at here. We will all scream NO NO NO to your sibling.
There is no way I would accept this scenario again. No way.

For sure.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 8:52 am

WhatFor wrote:

How did she explain herself? Does she just not care? If she's usually a considerate person, I wonder if she asked her DH but he refused?

She just kept saying that she's sorry & feels bad.
I don't think her husband refused to leave.

amother

Burntblack

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:02 am

amother OP wrote:

We discussed that he'd be sleeping through the night no problem & that they'd come get him after the wedding. (2:30-3:00). But this was assuming that he was sleeping & not shreiking & being up.
(I don't know why you're trying so desperately to make me in to the "bad guy".)

I don’t get it. If he sleeps nicely through the night why would they come and get him at 2:30 to wake him up ? Why not just let him sleep there until the morning?

tweety1

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:02 am

amother OP wrote:

Same here. Though I think this whole thing that aunts/uncles are expected to stay till after mitzvah tanz, is absolutely absurd & out of hand. It's not normal.

I couldn't agree more. But too bad. This is it. Ya know?

imaima

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:04 am

amother Chestnut wrote:

Going to pick them up is leaving the wedding, and she did say she was annoyed that they didn’t leave right when she texted them

I totally agree with the bolded, but that falls on OP as she was the one babysitting. Sometimes it’s annoying to take care of kids.

Unless it was an emergency, it was her responsibility for the duration of the wedding as she was the babysitter. Favor or paid, it was her decision to babysit and she made a commitment. Trying to back out in middle because it’s harder than she expected is not really fair.

Wow that’s disgusting

Does noone actually care for their child in this scenario?
I would feel bad for my baby

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:07 am

tweety1 wrote:

I couldn't agree more. But too bad. This is it. Ya know?

It's time for change. We leave. Same for many others I know. We have little kids & work in the morning, we can't stay at wedding that late. Doesn't make sense.
Especially if you know that your child is up & crying. Just get up & leave.

imaima

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:09 am

amother Hosta wrote:

How can you make a contract that a child will sleep? Agreeing to watch a child always includes uncertainties. Kids can misbehave, not sleep, cry, get hungry, need outfit changes. Anyone who doesn't know that shouldn't be babysitting. Or make it clear in advance- if x happens you need to come home because I'm not taking care of it.

The same way you pick up your child from daycare if they have a fever or vomit.
You took them on on a condition that everything is fine. Everything is not fine? Pick them up

amother

Geranium

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:10 am

I know OP is an adult and not a teenager so my comment is a bit more tangential.
But this attitude of "tough luck babysitter, you agreed to babysit" really ends up backfiring.

There are complaints here on Imamother and irl how it's impossible to find babysitters for anything from pta to weddings.
And this attitude is a huge piece of it

A 16 year old (or 30 year old honestly) who is told that no matter how rough it gets, too bad is not going to agree to ever babysit.

imaima

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:12 am

amother Burntblack wrote:

I don’t get it. If he sleeps nicely through the night why would they come and get him at 2:30 to wake him up ? Why not just let him sleep there until the morning?

They should have left him at home with a sitter who is at home

imaima

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:14 am

amother Geranium wrote:

I totally agree. When people say „there are no babysitters in my area/can’t find one“ - noone probably wants your kids

peace2

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:19 am

What if OP came on here and said - my sibling left their kid with me for a wedding and he woke up at 1 am vomiting everywhere. Would everyone be responding - you agreed to watch him, so you have to deal with it! That's part of committing to babysitting-taking responsibility for the child while the parents are away even if it means cleaning up their vomit, bathing them, etc.
How is this so different? The poor child was obviously in distress and ultimately the parents are the ones responsible for him. If he woke up crying once I could hear it being the babysitter's responsibility but for hours? I think that's unreasonable

amother

Geranium

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:22 am

imaima wrote:

I totally agree. When people say „there are no babysitters in my area/can’t find one“ - noone probably wants your kids

Well no. At least in my area, it's genuinely hard to find a babysitter.
But I strongly believe because years of expectations and standards have just made so many people choose not.

amother

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:28 am

amother Burntblack wrote:

I don’t get it. If he sleeps nicely through the night why would they come and get him at 2:30 to wake him up ? Why not just let him sleep there until the morning?

Because it's easier for them to pick up the child during the night, then in the morning.
I also can't have the child here till too late.

amother

SandyBrown

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:37 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

I should prob start a spinoff as this is one of my pet peeves- Chassidish people have weddings that stretch way into the night - We're talking 3 AM on avg, I have friends whose mitzvah tantz lasted even longer than that.
The way the extended family is 'expected' to stay at least for this Zeidy or that one, is very unfair and inconsiderate.
I come from a very large family- we're almost a dozen siblings kh, we have an avg of 4-5 nephews/nieces weddings per year BH. And then there's Sheva brachos, of which were expected to attend at least 1 or 2. Without the kids, which means-babysitters. Again.
It's exhausting. I love simchas bh but it takes a huge toll. Esp when you need to travel fm Brooklyn to Monsey or Lakewood.
Not to mention the kids going late to school for the next 2 days. The simcha ends up becoming a little bit of a burden unfortunately.
OP I really feel for you. It's really frustrating especially when you did this as a favor.

We have this too & guess what? We stay when we can as long as we can, & leave when we need to leave. Nothing will happen if some aunt's & uncles sneak out earlier. Believe me I've done it plenty of times.

Op I agree with you 100%. I see toddlers in pj's running around at mitzva tantz all the time, they stay at a babysitter most of the wedding & then get picked up after 12 or so.

NechaMom

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:47 am

amother OP wrote:

That your baby/toddler is crying for hours & is refusing to sleep, please go pick them up! Even if it's a close wedding!
It's 3 AM. I let parents know 3 hours ago that their child is refusing to sleep, & they didn't leave the wedding right then. I'm so so annoyed. The kid is still awake & parents aren't here yet.
(They're supposed to pick him up after the wedding. Chassidish wedding with mitzvah tanz.)

I am so surprised with the replies here! You are 1,000% right! It was horribly selfish of them for not coming at 1:00 when they knew the kid is NOT sleeping as promised! I can’t understand the entitlement of the parents and of the ones replying here in a “too bad” fashion! The only sin you did was agree to babysit after being pushed and promised that the kid will sleep! Can't Believe It

how are people so entitled?

amother

Peachpuff

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 9:48 am

amother Anemone wrote:

How on earth do people function like this? And with large families there must be frequent weddings to attend. I haven't stayed out that late since my college days. Midnight I turn into a pumpkin.

OP, I'm with you. I can't imagine anything going on that would be important enough to leave my baby shrieking for hours other than a true emergency. Unless the messages were not going through and they just didn't know - no excuse. Shame on them!

Didn’t read the whole thread but only immediate family stays for mitzvah tantz. So these hours would not happen going to the wedding of an acquaintance or even a friend.
At my family weddings, I arranged a babysitter in the hall till about midnight. Then I left the wedding to take the babysitter home and went back to the hall. Wasn’t very pleasant for any of us but my kids stayed with me till the end. Would’ve been great to have a family member to take them home earlier and put them to sleep. I’ve done that for my family when they had family weddings from the other side.

amother

Cerise

Tue, Jan 02 2024, 10:00 am

Op I think they should’ve figured something out, but in their mind they probably thought by the time we drive that hour home he will for sure be sleeping etc….

Also please have in mind that sometimes a person can not leave the wedding for whatever reason, and cut them some slack.
My father is not alive and so my husband is the stand in dad at the wedding ps of my brother while I’m a huge emotional support for my mom and my siblings.
No matter what, I will not leave my siblings wedding.
The babysitters are usually aware of that and if need be they’re ready to give up this night of sleep for me.
Bh my kids have never acted up like that, and usually just sleep etc. but had they woken up, especially if I was far away I really would not leave the wedding.