What to wear to grandparent’s levaya.

singleagain

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 11:36 am

When my grandmother passed away in September. I wore a longish black skirt, a maroon shell and the black duster over it as specifically had to dress in an accessible way because I had a doctor's appointment right after the funeral to check my surgical scar so.....

mommyhood

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 11:43 am

We wore work appropriate weekday clothes, not blazers/pencil skirts/heels level of formal but no slinky skirts/ t shirts/ sneakers and no loud colors or really eye catching styles.

amother

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 11:48 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

OP, your asking what your daughter should wear to her grandparents funeral?

Yes.
It will be my in-laws levaya and my DD in shidduchim.
I am not the aveil, DH will be . My kids will be distraught over the loss of their grandparent (although we all do know it is coming. That doesn’t make it hurt less)
I will be running the house and answering all questions (including what should I (DD) wear, DH-what shirt should I rip, (friends) what food do you need….). Without being too grim, I figure anything I can figure out in advance makes sense. The more prepared I am with logistics, the more emotional availability I will have.

Genius

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 11:54 am

I’m assuming if someone judges your daughter’s eligibility based on what she looks like at her grandparent’s levaya that is not someone you want as machatunim. So do away with this part of the pressure. Besuras tovos

amother

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 12:16 pm

Genius wrote:

Not worried about that someone not wanting her because of how she looks, more worried about the yentas and and overall reputation. Also more hoping that something good will come out and someone will think of her.

amother

Garnet

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 12:23 pm

Whatever you would wear to an office job is perfect.

ShishKabob

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:00 pm

Please realize that Hashem has her shidduch planned out already. For all you know the person may see her on her way to the swimming pool in the country. Please don't stress about this. Have her dress the same as always and try not to pressure her too much to look just right. Bsuros Tovos

amother

Taupe

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:17 pm

I’m finding this whole thread to be in such poor taste
People wear whatever they are wearing to a levaya
Regular clothes
How can you be planning this??

Highstrung

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:50 pm

I wore a classy dress , tights , flats, sheitel and sunglasses. Very little to no make up.

amother

Arcticblue

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 4:54 pm

Thus thread doesn't sit right with me. Planning for Levaya attire while said individual is B"H alive??

amother

Navy

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 5:13 pm

OP - you’re not crazy. You never know who will see your daughter and have an idea then or maybe later, and you are right for wanting to make sure she makes a good impression. I had similar recently, unfortunately, and whenever my shidduch-age daughter went to the beis avel, you better believe she was turned out well. Not dressed up, but definitely presentable or better.

amother

Seafoam

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 5:14 pm

amother Navy wrote:

Sounds kinda crazy to me.

Genius

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 5:15 pm

amother Seafoam wrote:

Sounds kinda crazy to me.

It’s in the same category as those buying kapparas shluggen outfits to make just the right impression.

singleagain

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 5:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP, I understand you here. It's not specifically about what your daughter would wear. It's about all the unfortunate, preparations you're mind is trying to calculate.

I know my mother had a 3 shirts in her closet that were her designated kiriah shirts. She now only has one left. At a certain point, she quickly bought a few more shirts and tops, and wore them in case. She made sure she had appropriate shoes as well. She considered how she would rearrange the furniture and what the sleeping arrangements would be.

She did this for her and for my father. In fact, she told him to buy more shabbat shirts just in case and my dad doesn't like to spend, so now he only has two. If something happens, he said he was told my brother could wear a new shirt for half an hour, then it wouldn't be new. But my dad is also talented at laundry. So, so far he's good.

OP, if it helps you to be more organized, I'll encourage it.

If you've never had to host Shiva, it can be quite overwhelming and emotional, bc you are supporting the mourner while often still mourning yourself.

Another tip, get some small stools so the mourner has someplace bkavodic to put their food and drink so they aren't balancing it on their laps. Something like this

Magshion Foldable Stool with... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BN.....share

ETA: make sure you have a good rabbi to ask the questions that will come up and know that many things we do during Shiva are in fact minhag and not halacha. My understanding is that this is one of the most flexible areas of halacha bc ppl grieve differently.

Also, use a meal train website so you don't have to think about it. And keep favorite treats stocked up

bp1234

Sun, Jan 21 2024, 5:21 pm

I’m so baffled by this whole thread. Just wow!!
Amazing to see people’s priorities!

Op, a black top and a black skirt is perfect. Really does not matter what it is. If you prefer it to be a pretty black top and a pretty black skirt, go for it. But please don’t make dd feel like this is about her and her prospective shidduch. The focus should be on the beloved grandparent she lost. If I saw a girl who was so primmed up and busy fixing her hair and outfit during her grandparents levaya, I’d run in the other way of the shidduch. A genuine, emotionally feeling albeit presentable girl would strike me as one to notice.