Do you give your husband a baby gift?

amother

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:10 am

Angel wrote:

I left my husband a gift simply cuz he get's extremely lonely when I am away.
Something small like a new PJ, first baby it was a wallet.

I got DH a wallet too!

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:14 am

My husband and I are equally involved parents, so we both have less time to the other one.
Does your husband sit around waiting for you to finish handling the baby and pay attention to him? Is he another toddler in your home?

“Dh I’m so sorry I’m busy washing your underwear instead of paying attention to you, let me buy you a gift 🎁 “

amother

Lightblue

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:18 am

I think both this & push presents ( hate that term) are bizarre, I mean you both just equally received the greatest gift known to man. But gifts are not my love language by for so who am I to judge.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:21 am

amother OP wrote:

I guess it’s just a different mindset. A year after we got married DH got a job that required him to work 15 hour days for the first 3 months. DH worked, came home to quickly gobble down supper, and went to sleep. It was an extremely difficult 3 months in which I felt I barely had a husband. He bought me a gift for the same reasons. I really appreciated it.
I can’t imagine the feelings are too different with me having a baby

This is many people's reality in life for years. Being an adult ain't easy, and spouses shouldn't feel bad or sorry for each other's because we're adults & need to live an adult life.
I don't think that it's a healthy mindset.

amother

Starflower

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:23 am

amother Lightblue wrote:

I think both this & push presents ( hate that term) are bizarre, I mean you both just equally received the greatest gift known to man. But gifts are not my love language by for so who am I to judge.

Both received the same gift but one did all the work.

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:26 am

Op, do you believe that a woman must be available for s-x whenever her husband desires it?
Do you believe that a woman can have girl friends outside her marriage?
Do you believe that a wife may take a trip occasionally without her husband?

I’m wondering if this attitude begins with the notion that a proper aishes chayil is ALWAYS available for her husband.

amother

Dahlia

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:29 am

My husband is not a gifts kind of guy.
And I don’t really need/want small gifts either.
We have saved up for jewelry for me and then purchased it after a baby or for a big birthday.
However, the sentiment is not so misplaced.
I could NEVER, EVER manage a pregnancy if my husband didn’t step up, BIG TIME.
I totally understand the sentiment of thanking him for his contribution to the pregnancy.
I have two months to go and I am barely functioning. He is doing a tremendous amount without any resentment.
After I had one of my babies, I told my husband, I think I can do this again soon, and he said in the most compassionate way, I am not ready. I need time to recuperate.

My husband isn’t the nature to feel neglected, but that isn’t a reason not to express gratitude for his part.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:31 am

amother Dahlia wrote:

Expressing gratitude, is different then having the attitude of feeling sorry & bad for the husband because of normal life circumstances.

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:32 am

amother Silver wrote:

This is such an overreaction.

groovy1224

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:34 am

I'm finding these responses kind of mean. Do I personally get my husband a gift post baby? Definitely not. Should you, if you want to? Sure, why not? Not sure why people are responding as if you are asking them to finance this gift for you lol.

A woman wanting to express affection for her husband by giving him something nice does not equal a woman who thinks she has failed him by tending to her newborn, or a woman who is repressed. Geez, people need to lighten up a little.

Trademark

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:35 am

amother Silver wrote:

I agree it sounded a bit weird. As if she is neglecting him to hang out with her friends or something like that.

He should be even more grateful that she takes care of their baby. From the op it sounds like the baby's is hers and just hers and it's her little bundle of joy and that's why she is neglecting her husband. In reality she is doing it for both of them and their child that they had together.

amother

Slategray

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:36 am

Wow, this topic became surprisingly full of strong opinions.

I think it's unusual, might be eccentric, I have a sil on the other hand who's dh gives her a small gift after each birth for what she endured. Lol, unfortunately my dh doesn't have that minhag...

At the end of the day, each couple's world is unique. They hopefully each tap into eachothers "love language", & if his is gifts (one of the 5 listed categories of love languages) then why not? Why disparage this and paint as like, bad & dysfunctional lol, I think there are worse things...

It's probably unique, but this to me is treading too closely on private dynamics between dh & dw, "to each their own", & if it fosters their own unique shalom bayis, then more power to them.

amother

Silver

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:39 am

amother Dimgray wrote:

This is such an overreaction.

No it’s not, because it makes you think that this woman is someone who feels guilty for not being 100% available to her husband even when she has a very very very valid reason.

Who taught her to feel guilty about this?

Ema of 5

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:39 am

amother Bisque wrote:

So they should grow up & understand that having a new baby, means that the wife shifts her main focus to the baby for the time being. Let's stop babying our men!
If something, it's a time for the husband to give extra care to the wife. Not the other way around.

Or they should have a conversation with their wife.

amother

Bisque

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:40 am

groovy1224 wrote:

It's more the attitude of "I feel bad and sorry for my husband" that's just not healthy. It's not a healthy mindset to have in life. It's a mindset that causes one to be needy & in sort of victim mode, feeling incapable mode, which may cause one to actually be incapable.

groovy1224

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 11:40 am

Trademark wrote:

I don't see it like that at all. A baby changes the dynamic of a relationship. Is that a bad thing? Not at all. But all I see is a wife that wants to do something a little extra for her husband to make sure they maintain the closeness they had before baby's arrival.

Again, this isn't something I've personally ever felt inclined to do but I don't get why everyone is being so negative about the idea. OP didn't say her husband is acting like a child so she's getting him a gift as some sort of bribe, or that he's been sulking so she's trying to cheer him up. She just wants to do something nice!

amother

Strawberry

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 12:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

He obviously doesn’t need one and I’m not at all saying it’s an obligatory gift. The idea is that some husbands (especially by the first baby) feel a little forgotten about and no longer important. The idea is to show that you still care for him in spite of the drastic changes in your lives and marriage

If I’m ignoring him then he’s ignoring me too. We are both caring for the baby and both adjusting to our new lives together. We are both changing blowouts and doing extra laundry and getting up overnight. I don’t relate to this at all

amother

Strawberry

Wed, Jan 24 2024, 12:36 pm

Angel wrote:

I left my husband a gift simply cuz he get's extremely lonely when I am away.
Something small like a new PJ, first baby it was a wallet.

When you’re away at the hospital for 2 nights? Many hospitals allow support person to stay