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-> Parenting our children
-> Infants
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amother
Mayflower
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 Mon, Feb 05 2024, 1:08 pm
Oh my! I had a couple kids like this and omg I still have ptsd. It took months until we figured out the culprits. I hope you don't get overwhelmed with everyone throwing ideas at you. I will share what happened with my kids in case it's something you want to explore.
The first one was dealing with silent reflux. Once we ruled everything else out the Dr gave him meds for reflux and within 24 hours he was a different child.
The second one screamed his head off from birth until 12 months when I finally cut his tongue tie that the Dr told me wasn't affecting him. The same day he stopped crying.
OP it is so so so hard having a needy baby like this. Just try to get through each Day and honestly by 6 months old if I needed a shower or something urgent like that I would put them in their crib and do what I had to do. Otherwise I just felt myself growing resentful.
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amother
Petunia
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 1:34 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | I guess part of the problem is there's no way to know if this is a want or a need. Either way it's pretty intense |
I would try giving the baby Tylenol and seeing if he's a little better.
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mushkamothers
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 1:41 pm
I would take baby to a chiropractor. And encourage tummy time so he can learn to crawl because a lot of times, intense high needs babies are just really stuck in their bodies and once they start to move their brains get more integrated.
Also to the poster who said "giving them independence will create secure attachment" no it doesn't work like that. It's the exact opposite- caring for their needs will create emotional dependence which then leads to physical independence. You don't teach a 6 month old anything you just care for them.
That said, you dont want to burn out... hang in there.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:01 pm
| amother Mayflower wrote: | Oh my! I had a couple kids like this and omg I still have ptsd. It took months until we figured out the culprits. I hope you don't get overwhelmed with everyone throwing ideas at you. I will share what happened with my kids in case it's something you want to explore.
The first one was dealing with silent reflux. Once we ruled everything else out the Dr gave him meds for reflux and within 24 hours he was a different child.
The second one screamed his head off from birth until 12 months when I finally cut his tongue tie that the Dr told me wasn't affecting him. The same day he stopped crying.
OP it is so so so hard having a needy baby like this. Just try to get through each Day and honestly by 6 months old if I needed a shower or something urgent like that I would put them in their crib and do what I had to do. Otherwise I just felt myself growing resentful. |
Got assessed twice for tongue tie due to early nursing issues, dx no tongue tie, figured out how to eat after a couple of weeks.
Reflux is a definite possibility but I was told they don't use medication for babies anymore. I was advised to hold him upright, no effect. Try AR formula, no effect. Try going off dairy, I lasted about a week and saw no effect.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:03 pm
| mushkamothers wrote: | I would take baby to a chiropractor. And encourage tummy time so he can learn to crawl because a lot of times, intense high needs babies are just really stuck in their bodies and once they start to move their brains get more integrated.
Also to the poster who said "giving them independence will create secure attachment" no it doesn't work like that. It's the exact opposite- caring for their needs will create emotional dependence which then leads to physical independence. You don't teach a 6 month old anything you just care for them.
That said, you dont want to burn out... hang in there. |
I'm thinking the same because he seems frustrated with tummy time these days, he looks like he wants to crawl and doesn't know how. He can push toys away but can't get them back. So maybe he's at some kind of development threshold. Doesn't explain the overall clinginess but regarding why he won't play on his own anymore.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:05 pm
| amother Strawberry wrote: | | Does your baby arch his back and clench his fists when he cries? that would indicate discomfort. |
No, just reaches for me making pitiful faces, generally. And kvetches escalating to screeches.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 2:06 pm
| tichellady wrote: | | Also do you use a carrier? It’s not the same as no baby on you but better than holding a baby with your hands |
Tried two. He doesn't like it 
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amother
Honey
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 3:35 pm
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Craniosacral therapy helped my baby "soften" up. Maybe it can help yours, too.
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amother
Denim
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 5:33 pm
| amother Orange wrote: | I get you, and honestly I don’t know if I would be capable of doing my own advice, but logically it seems right in your case. I also think that the older he gets, and he keeps this up, the worse it will get. If there is nothing wrong with him physically, and it’s only you, it’s obviously emotional. He wants to feel cozy, and mom gives him that. He wants it ALL the time- sounds like a person with high emotional needs. You as a mother can know that he is fine if he doesn’t get what he WANTS all the time, but he should get his NEEDS all the time.
If it helps, I think continuing this as he gets older will get more and more unhealthy and you’ll quickly become burnt out. Even if he wants you there all the time it’s not healthy for children. What’s healthy is that he learns that you love him and are there for him when he needs, but you are still your own person with needs. Obviously babies this age can’t learn this, but he will be able to comprehend this in a year. And at the rate your going he will not play independently or engage with others when your around.
I get the opposition to Ferberization, I don’t think I would do it, but I think it was made for cases like yours. Children need a measure of independence, this is essentially secure attachment. Your child seeing that your not getting emotional or scared from their cries, but your doing what’s right, will in the long run give them a secure attachment.
Hugs! I really get you and I hope you figure it out! |
I'm not saying OP should be holding him all the time, I don't think it's humanly possible.
But, I think the bolded is completely false. A clingy baby does not mean a clingy child at all. A baby has its own needs and please don't make a baby snap out of anything in order to learn for when they're older.
Again, not saying OP shouldn't try and get him to be able to play himself a little, it's probably healthy for both of them. But, definitely not for this reason.
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flowerpower
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 5:57 pm
| amother OP wrote: | | No, just reaches for me making pitiful faces, generally. And kvetches escalating to screeches. |
Like I said- many babies are that way. They are smart enough to recognize familiar people and just want to be held. Plain and simple. Once they become independent they get happier again. Some at 9 months and some at a year. My baby is a little younger than yours. She was fine in any place until she turned 4 months. Then she started recognizing people and wants to be held( prefers you stand when being held) whenever she is up. We try to sing and distract her when she is in the jumper, seat, or froggy. It works sometimes. She likes sitting ( for 5 fast minutes) in a bungee chair with music on. Try music. He may be quiet for a few….
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baked ziti
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 6:12 pm
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My baby is also like this too OP. I can't put him down when he naps because it's game over. He is 9 months old though, so he's can crawl and get distracted for the few minutes I need to rotate laundry or prep a meal. I'm getting a bit more done than I did when he was 6 months old. Its very hard but I guarantee you that it will get better with time. My now 6 year old was also like that as a baby and things got a lot better as his attention span grew and he got more busy playing at around the year mark.
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amother
Natural
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 6:32 pm
My 2 year old still demands that I hold her all the time
I'm losing my mind
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amother
Purple
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 6:37 pm
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cupcake123
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 6:42 pm
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Could've written your post I feel you!
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amother
Aubergine
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:06 pm
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I didn't read many responses. But maybe give your baby a formula bottle once a day. I feel like your baby may be hungry. I'm an avid nurser!
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:32 pm
Just want to say that even the validation alone here gave me strength through the day. Then I had a miracle where I put him down to play and he stayed busy for a good few minutes while I pulled together a quick supper.
Getting optimistic that this stage will pass. Hopefully sooner than later but I will hang in there. I'm zonked and still need to get through the laundry so I don't have another sock crisis next morning, but for starters I got through the bulk of the day more or less in one piece.
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:33 pm
| amother Aubergine wrote: | | I didn't read many responses. But maybe give your baby a formula bottle once a day. I feel like your baby may be hungry. I'm an avid nurser! |
I do! And started offering some food too! Lol
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amother
Purple
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:35 pm
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What happens when you sit on the floor and play with him? Does he also demand to be held?
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amother
OP
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:36 pm
| amother Purple wrote: | | What happens when you sit on the floor and play with him? Does he also demand to be held? |
He's playful for a nice few minutes and then starts kvetching.
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amother
Oleander
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Mon, Feb 05 2024, 7:51 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Try going off dairy, I lasted about a week and saw no effect.
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You sound like you're doing a great job and this sounds so difficult.
My doctor had me go off dairy, soy, and coconut milk and product for weeks. It may have even been six weeks, I forget. Then I reintroduced them one at a time to see if any impact, starting with the coconut for either a few days or a week (sorry, I forgot) then the soy, then the milk. It made no difference for my kid but she'd improved from her colic by then anyway because of her age. And it was extremely hard for me.
I also wore my baby a lot, no way I could have done it with holding her in hands. I loved the ergo 360 but different people like others based on body type.
I agree with the poster who said that when you need to get dressed, talk to her and tell her you love her. Your need to get dressed, nothing to do about it. Although it sounds torturous and I'm so sorry. And it does pass, but for most babies there's a huge improvement by six months. Some babies take a bit longer but I also wouldn't be surprised if it was something physical. I hope you figure it out soon.
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