Mishpacha Double Take

amother

Latte

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:54 pm

I don't think you're going to get anyone on here who's on Aidel's side. I'm sure that everyone here with friends/neighbors/relatives who don't have internet at home has been used as an internet [gentile]. I certainly have. Some people I don't mind because I owe them many many favours. Others - one friend in particular - annoy me greatly, especially this friend who kept telling me how she's so holy that she doesn't have internet but I'm not so the least I can do is run all her internet errands for her. Finally I told her that if she's so holy, she should learn to do without the conveniences of internet and if she can't, there are internet cafes all over the place and she should make use of them. I don't have the same communication problem as Nina, you see.

amother

Rose

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 12:55 pm

I actually don’t see an issue with checking something for 5 minutes once a month. I have a neighbour without internet and I’d totally allow that with a smile.

What I do hVe an issue with is the 30 minute browsing, online shopping, going a few times a week…
Even if my neighbour had internet in her house but it was for example out of order, I’d consider that a huge imposition.

My more yeshivish neighbor did message me last year asking if her son can watch the superbowl at my house. We didn’t even know the superbowl was that day. We have no device that would play the Super Bowl and no interest in watching it. She thought we were so modern we were having a party I guess lol. So I told her sure he can bring your computer over and watch in my basement. She said I don’t have a computer with that on it and I said neither do I. 😆

amother

Mulberry

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:05 pm

amother Rose wrote:

I don't understand this post. Do you have internet or not? If you have internet they can watch the superbowl. (I wouldn't want it playing in my house either, we didn't either know when the super bowl was, but you can watch it on any device that has internet?).

amother

Burlywood

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:07 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

No- you need a subscription to a steaming service to watch it.

chanatron1000

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:12 pm

In this story, Aidel was using the Internet regularly, but she hadn't bothered to learn the basics of how to use a computer. Probably because that would make her an Internet user and not a non-Internet-user-who-occasionally-uses-the-Internet. That's a much bigger imposition than typical. She wasn't just using Nina's home as an Internet cafe, she was using her as a technician.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:15 pm

I’ve never met anyone as egregious as Aidel. My friend doesn’t have internet and lives right near me but I can only think of one time that she asked to use my internet and that was an emergency situation. She goes to an Internet cafe for everything.

amother

Natural

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:17 pm

It's not being the internet g-y that would bother me. It's a huge imposition that I think someone without internet access at home doesn't fully realize, the constant dropping in and using of the computer and sitting in the neighbors' house on a regular basis, printing up return labels and whatnot.
It's like someone who doesn't drive not realizing the imposition when they constantly ask their neighbor for rides or to get regular carpooling for their kids without them participating in the driving. Or the threads here about carpool coverage when someone has had a baby and posters who don't come from a carpooling community are shocked that the other drivers will only take over for the first couple of weeks instead of a couple of months.

amother

Rose

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:23 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

We have filters on our devices. So I don’t think you can watch the superbowl on them, though I haven’t tried.

I think they thought we were going to be watching the Super Bowl and he could join us.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:33 pm

Wow.
I felt like I missed something here so I reread it.
There is a concept that it's better to keep internet out of your home not because you're "holier than thou" or because you consider it "treif", it's because you don't want it readily available 24/7.
Using a neighbor's internet in no way contradicts that.

If Nina has a problem with it she can always say "it's not a good time!" with a smile!
There is no reason for Nina to get hurt...

Also, Aidel didn't say that she lived with perishus. It was Shiri who said that- that's the difference. I notice so many times how people notice things in other people's homes and assume that is what it is like without knowing more.

I did not think there was something wrong with Aidel introducing Nina as her neighbor who is always doing this tremendous chessed for her at the vort.

Signed,
Someone with internet who is proud to let her friends without internet use hers anytime they need. And no, I've never felt put down by them at all. Maybe that's because I have confidence in my choices?

amother

Emerald

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:44 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

I'm assuming ppl weren't constantly in your house.

And if that's really the reason, then they could set it up that they only have access online for a certain hours.

amother

Ginger

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:46 pm

It’s one thing to use it for 5 min occasionally. It’s a whole other thing when Nina was asked to help Aidel figure out things on the computer because Aidel was not so computer savvy. And then she let her use her payment info on Amazon and have her ship it to her. Which btw is very easy to change without logging out. You can put in a new payment method and have it delivered to a different address.

amother

Pear

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:50 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

If all someone wants is to limit available hours, there are apps and settings which can accomplish this. You could even let someone else control the settings if you wanted to be unable to reset them.

Chayalle

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 1:51 pm

amother NeonOrange wrote:

The breakingn point was that Aidel introduced Nina to her mechutainista as 'my neighbor who is such a help and always allows me to use her internet'
That comment is downright disgusting
I would be angry and insulted too, like Nina was

I didn't read this week's Mishpacha yet - had company for Shabbos! - but I don't get how Aidel wasn't embarrassed to say that.
ETA Read Yellow's post. OK, maybe because Aidel's standard was just not to have internet in the house - she didn't have a problem with using internet.

I have actually had the internet for most years of my marriage (I'm a computer programmer, and I've worked from home for many years.) One boundary I had right from the beginning was, I have never allowed anyone to use my computer for internet. I consider the use of my computer to be private - I have private files, etc....and it was simply never an option on the table for me. So never got into any of these situations.

amother

Chocolate

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 2:19 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

This article reminded me of when I started using the eruv and my friend who doesn’t asked me to push her stroller. I told her that I would do it but I wasn’t comfortable with her asking me. And she never asked again and we’re still friends.

Interesting, I know someone who doesn’t use eruvim at all and when they were offered once by someone to gladly help (by using it) , because that person uses it, to push the stroller for the one who does not… the response was “I would never ask, but, since you are asking and you want to… sure”. The implication was that the person who does not use the eruv couldn’t (as in, wouldn’t hashkofically or maybe even perceived halacically) wouldn’t ask. I observed this conversation, among frirnds, and thus am surprised someone would ask (ie not using it themselves). I am wondering if there is any rule to follow (or one is supposed to), I grew up oot never dealt with eruv issues much.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 2:51 pm

amother Pear wrote:

If all someone wants is to limit available hours, there are apps and settings which can accomplish this. You could even let someone else control the settings if you wanted to be unable to reset them.

Yes there are, I use them myself.
But I can still watch a movie in bed when I'm sick. I wouldn't be able to if I didn't have it in my house... etc... many more examples

And I totally understand why this chessed was hard for Nina!
Just wasn't understanding all the bashing of not having internet in your house.
Newsflash: not having internet in the house does not equal not approving of internet usage!

chanatron1000

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 2:56 pm

Chayalle wrote:

I have actually had the internet for most years of my marriage (I'm a computer programmer, and I've worked from home for many years.) One boundary I had right from the beginning was, I have never allowed anyone to use my computer for internet. I consider the use of my computer to be private - I have private files, etc....and it was simply never an option on the table for me. So never got into any of these situations.

If I let someone use my computer, I would only allow it with a guest user account.

amother

Pear

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 2:58 pm

amother Yellow wrote:

So don't subscribe to any streaming and block YouTube or free stream sites. Or only use internet cafes and public libraries if you're so dedicated to the idea of making it inconvenient. But having the convenience at someone else's expense is bogus, I don't buy it as a "higher level," sorry.

amother

Yellow

Sun, Feb 18 2024, 3:17 pm

amother Pear wrote:

Where in the world did you read into my words that I said it's a higher level? You seem to be projecting your insecurities on me...
(Like I said maybe the reason I don't feel bad when people come to use my internet is because I'm secure and confident in my choices? Idk- maybe you're not?)
You seem to be seriously confused about the concept of not having internet in the house. It's not to try to make it work for your house (ex. filters etc...) it's to keep it away from the constant use, the private at your fingertips use. Trust me I didn't have internet because of connection issues for a month and even though my next door neighbor let me use hers it was NOT the same.

Additionaly in your fury to respond to me you seem to have not read the portion of my response where I think it's totally OK for Nina to say this chessed is too hard for her. Everyone has boundaries. I never said she has to open her home and computer to her neighbor.
I simply don't think her neighbor is bad for asking...

Either way you're too angry to have a proper conversation.
so... I wish you the best with your choices.