Im the Op from the bedtime thread

amother

PlumPink

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

She doesn't nap during the day
The cd player and nightlight are on
Whe has books she brings into bed already
I sit with her and speak about her day
What am I missing?

Your missing the last part of the routine and time.

Clearly explain what is expected of her.
After settling her say " chani now its time to go to sleep there is no talking or getting out of bed. I'm sitting by your door and watching" After this do not engage I would sternly say "its bedtime now' when she tries talking or getting out of bed.
This is a full time job for three days but after that it should work.

(Personally I would also set up a short and attainable chart like go to sleep nicely for three days and get a special nosh etc. I find it helps get over the initial hump of implementing a new routine. But there are others that are very anti incentive charts so... Dont know

)

amother

Stonewash

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:31 pm

amother SandyBrown wrote:

Would it be possible to say:

Chani, Mommy has tried putting you to sleep a few times now. It's getting late and Mommy has things to do. I can't force you to stay in your bed. You have the choice to listen and stay in bed. If you come out of your bed Mommy will not be entertaining you or answering any questions. It's nighttime now.

And then you go about your night routine, allowing her to play if she wants to, but you aren't responding to anything. Not engaging. With the hopes that she will tire on her own and stop playing this game with you. Enough nights of this and I think she'll be happy to just go to bed.

lol my daughters can play for hours without me. Perfectly content until they get crazy overtired and are inconsolable and tantrum/ totally lose it.

Op something that helped me, as cliche as it sounds was letting go of the “should” aspect of it. She was “supposed” to go to sleep so I would lose it each day that it didn’t happen. I totally shifted my mindset. Whether I like it or not I’m busy with bedtime from 7:30-9ish. It’s just must easier that way. I lay with them in bed till they are asleep.

It’s not always fun and I’m not always ok with it at all but accepting that this was the reality made it easier. Also the more I spoke to people, even just searching around this site, the more I realized that this is really very normal and age appropriate(Especially when you consider that a lot, A LOT, of people are just giving melatonin). The same way I didn’t lose it at my baby that had colic I can’t scare/ force a 3 year old into falling asleep easily.

And ftr I sleep train babies and am super jealous of people who’s kids can go to sleep independently as toddlers, but I tried all the tricks and the anger and frustration was poisoning my relationship with my kids, so for me it wasn’t worth it.

amother

Pearl

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:32 pm

I have similar with my kids. What works is to join in the excitement and being excited and interested in what theyre doing and how their day went. Ask them questions.
Once we get through that then we do shema then we talk about what she's looking forward to happen the next day week etc

I feel like them keep coming out of bed to me is her subconscious call for attention because she didnt get her bucket filled with enough attention that day

amother

Lily

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:39 pm

Does the older child go to bed the same time as her?
Also, what time is bedtime?
I may be the odd one out but I don't stagger bedtime at all. All my children, ages 12-3 got robbed the same time. Older ones can read in their beds or quietly do something while younger ones go to bed. I do bedtime around 8-8:30.

My three year old needs me to lay next to her, everyone else gets tucked in and checked on once three year old falls asleep.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

She doesn't nap during the day
The cd player and nightlight are on
Whe has books she brings into bed already
I sit with her and speak about her day
What am I missing?

Would you be open to melatonin temporarily? My 4 year old was the same and the melatonin taught him how to relax and fall asleep. It’s been about 3 months and he doesn’t need it anymore.

sandwitched

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:45 pm

I actually had the opposite issue where my daughter wouldn't be able to wake up (she also had issues falling asleep so was probably a cause and effect situation) .

I ended up buying a few kellies and Barbies ($15 on Amazon the fake ones) and a few packs of clothing, shoes accessories etc.

Every time she would wake up on time and get ready she'd be able to choose an accessory from the box and if she had a week without tantrums (that was a struggle too) she'd get to choose a doll that motzei shabbos.

It's really working so far- getting the immediate gratification as opposed to waiting for the chart to fill up and for me it was an Easier reward system as well (with charts somehow I'd find myself pushing off buying the reward and then it would stop working because it seemed endless).

So much so, that my other kids got involved. They'd push her to wake up and do XYZ (I use it for other incentives as well) and then they'd help her choose and discuss what she'd get next...

amother

Dill

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:47 pm

I do usually sit outside my toddler's door for a little while after putting her to bed, but sometimes nothing works and she just keeps coming out. When I'm at the end of my rope, I tell her that it's time for me to go to sleep, and she can play quietly in her room if she's not tired yet. I turn all the lights in the house off besides her nightlight and close my door and let her tire herself out with whatever toys and books she has on her shelf. Honestly, I don't mind if she actually plays quietly. To me, it's like the equivalent of reading in bed like older kids do.

Rappel

Wed, Feb 21 2024, 11:50 pm

Why are you staying in the room?

Put her in, turn to leave

She gets up

Put her in, turn to leave

No rubs or anything. No taking away her pillow. Just quiet.

It really might take 50 times the first night. That's why you should reward yourself with a treat or something for every time you do it right. It's a long process.

Be consistent for a week, and see what happens.

amother

Bluebell

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 12:16 am

She can't be put to bed in a room with another kid. If she needs to be in your room, so be it.

Turn off the lights in the rest of the house, if you can.

Or: there is a lamp on in the room she's in. If she gets out of bed, you shut the lamp. Tell her that if she stays in bed nicely for a set amount of time, it can go back on. Remove the lamp from the room, if necessary. Be consistent. If she continues to get out of bed, close the door, too. Notify her beforehand that this will be happening.

Another idea is to sit outside the room, not inside. This way, you're making sure she stays in, but not giving her extra attention. Sit with your phone or a book so you don't get bored.

Try melatonin, like others keep suggesting.

Have a set treat that all children can have every morning if they stayed in bed nicely the night before. She will also want to get the chocolate milk, jumbo cookie, etc. that her siblings are getting, and you can remind her the next night how she was so sad that she didn't get it and you want her to get it next time. Keep offering this reward every morning to the ones who stayed in bed, until it sinks in.

amother

Jean

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 12:18 am

I would only do the redirecting in middle of the night. Not to put to sleep from the start.

Experiment with different ways. Rule out medical reasons.

I play audio books sometimes, sometimes put on disco ball. Put up glow in dark stars, always shower before bed and not skip, white noise machine, intense physical activity a couple hours before bed, just keep trying different ways and you will eventually get it.

But the first month in a big kid bed, out of crib, its normal behavior that kids will keep coming out.

You make sure you are rested before bed time.

Tzutzie

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 1:35 am

amother NeonYellow wrote:

Silently redirecting her to bed again and again, may seem like a game to her at first, but if she see's that you mean serious business, she will stop finding it funny after afew days. It doesn't work in one day. You need a ton ton of patience & you need to give it afew days.
Maybe try giving her 1/2 or 1/4 melo-chew, see if it helps. Perhaps she can also take books to bed with her & read for a bit before going to sleep.
Good luck

This.

Once she is separated from her sibling. You only have to tackle one problem. They staying in bed. Not the bothering her sister or playing with each other.
I'd put her sibling in your husband's bed. And her into her bed. If your sleep training her, it needs to be in her own bed.
Is she able to unwind and settle down by herself?

Maybe she needs some sensory input, you rubbing her back, white noise machine, the room temperature warmer or cooler, a massage before bed.

Is she able to focus on book with a narration cd? I found those to be amazing to get rowdy kids to chill.
Or other cds. Stories, relaxing music. White noise.
Sometimes not being available is also an option.

Before bedtime I turn off all the lights in the house except where we are, in the areas of the bedrooms and bathroom.
With my 4 yo, he has a chart from school about staying in bed, saying shma, and getting undressed/ ready for bed.
So instead of coming out of bed he YELLLLLS for me. Lol.
So until he learned to chill in bed, without calling me every 30 seconds, I used to "must" run downstairs to tend to a chore that "can't" wait. Then I'd sneak back upstairs and stay there until I'm sure he's asleep.
I tell him before going downstairs that I can't hear him down there if he's talking. And he can tell me now what he needs. And if he stays in bed I have a small treat for him.

Melo chews can also be used to show her what falling asleep is..... b m MN

GetReal

Thu, Feb 22 2024, 7:38 am

Maybe bedtime is too early. I would let her play outside the bedroom until around the time she usually falls asleep, even if it’s late. Then put her to bed, and if she jumps out silently put her back over and over. She should fall asleep more easily because it’s so late. Be consistent about it for a few days. Once she starts falling asleep easily, move bedtime five-ten minutes earlier and leave it at that time for 3 days or so. If she falls asleep easily gradually move it earlier until you find the time that works for her.