To all those ladies who did *not* get a kalla siddur...

Tamiri

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:10 pm

greenfire wrote:

supposed list
flowers the first shabbos you are engaged as well as last shabbos before wedding - Um, no
engagement ring/wedding ring/gold watch - Um, no watch
silver shabbos candlesticks - Um, no unless you consider mexican silver bat mitzva ones as appropriate
set of shaas - Um, no
gold watch - Um, no
talis and embroidered talis bag - Yes
siddur with name for both - No
pearl necklace in the yichud room - yah, my grandmother gave me hers before she passed away but we weren't in a yichud room

Am I married anyway?

yo'ma

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:15 pm

greenfire wrote:

supposed list
flowers the first shabbos you are engaged as well as last shabbos before wedding
engagement ring/wedding ring/gold watch
silver shabbos candlesticks
set of shaas
gold watch
talis and embroidered talis bag
siddur with name for both
pearl necklace in the yichud room

flowers- I don't even like flowers and I never even heard that's one of the things on the "list"
rings- yes, but I really didn't want any
gold watch- no, he didn't want one and neither did I
candlesticks- yes, but I wish I got to pick them because I don't like them, but I do use them
shaas- yes
talis and bag- yes
siddur- never even heard of it being part of the "list" and no anyway
pearl necklace- I got a gold one that I like so much better than if I would've gotten pearls, because I don't like pearls and I wear my necklace all the time.

Marion

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:20 pm

I didn't get a siddur, but then he didn't get a Shas. (That's ok, we both already had those.) I also already had pearls (from my grandmother). I don't remember the flowers, but I've gotten flowers most of the Shabbatot we've been married, so I'm not worried. I wouldn't have wanted silver candlesticks (and I had candlesticks already anyway, and I was given a set by an uncle). Neither of us got watches. Again, I had one already and he doesn't wear one. He DID get the tallit & bag, however.

Mimisinger

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:24 pm

I guess we did get a lot - not the list though.

I got the rings - though the diamond was in the family.
I got the silver candle sticks and the sheital from ils
dh got weekday and shabbos tallis and bags
dh got shabbos watch from my parents - not gold though!
dh also got shaas - shulchan aruch and something else - B"H we got engaged during the YU sefarim sale - we got it a bit cheaper.
No siddurim
Oh, and I did get a necklace in the yichud room, but it's not pearls, and I don't really like it! OOPs!

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:26 pm

So there was more on the list Smile

greenfire wrote:

supposed list
flowers the first shabbos you are engaged as well as last shabbos before wedding No
engagement ring/wedding ring/gold watch Not real/yes (Ive lost it)/I got him a Micky Mouse watch
silver shabbos candlesticks Yes
set of shaas Yes after many years of marriage- its more meaningful now as a gift for my children
talis and embroidered talis bag Yes, this shabbat my son threw up on it in shul
siddur with name for both No
pearl necklace in the yichud room No

I guess I didnt make out too bad... but the most important thing I acquired is a great guy

gryp

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 3:43 pm

When I read the title, I thought, "What's a kallah siddur???" Then I realized I got a Chitas as a present and there's a Siddur in there too, so I guess it counts. I don't think I've ever shock

ONCE used the siddur part of that Chitas.

lamplighter

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 4:30 pm

I got a chitas too and I think a siddur woulda been more practical. a chitas for me is soemthing u carry around...a leather one I x carry around, so a nice large siddur in leather that I would daven at home from, would of been more pracitcal, but Im not complaining!

cassandra

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 4:35 pm

RivkiA wrote:

I didnt get a kallah siddur until my second anniversary and yes I did feel something was missing. I wanted that special thing from my husband that I will IMYH die davening from....morbid but holy Smile

Make sure it's on acid free paper.

DefyGravity

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 4:44 pm

During my brother's engagement, I felt so bad that my mother was forced to buy all those items that you "have" to purchase.

Sure, you don't have to do it, but if you don't it looks really bad. . . because that's what's done.

As much as my mother probably wishes I was Lubavitch, she was sure happy during my engagement that DH and I are just reg. frum because she didn't have to buy my DH anything. No tallis or tallis bag, shaas, watch, etc.

greenfire

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 7:02 pm

DefyGravity wrote:

it's not just lubavitchers that do this ...

also not everyone's parents do the buying ... for some it's the chosson & kallah themselves ...

oh and add a kittel to the list ...

manhattanmom

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 7:37 pm

My husband and I got each other some of the things "on the list." His family is more into doing what's "on the list" especially since I was a girl from Flatbush who probably for sure expected everything which is completely not true at all....While we were engaged I mentioned more than once to my mil how I really don't like pearls--(it was in context of our conversation) and of course in the yichud room I got pearls because that's what you're "supposed" to get, right??
I did not get a kallah siddur though and when my husband's birthday was during our engagement I got him a nice chess set (shock!!) I did not buy a chosson shas. I got a beautiful pair of earrings that my mil won in a chinese auction while we were engaged.

dee's mommy

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 8:42 pm

No Kallah siddur here either. I was an older Kallah, so at that point of time I already had several siddurim coming out of my ears. I liked to daven out of a specific siddur, and still do. I didn't see the point of getting another one. (I did buy for myself a copy of Tefillos Chanah shortly before, which was very much worth it.)

To answer your queston: do I feel something is missing because of it? The answer to that is no. My davening is different now than when I was single because I am now a wife and mother, not because I got a new siddur. (or in my case Tefillos Chanah.)

Don't get me wrong, becuase it is a lovely idea. It just didn't happen in my case.

MamaBear

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 8:44 pm

I pray things change by the time my boys are in this parsha b/c I think the whole thing is ridiculous. But then again, my husband and I are bts, and many things in the frum world are absurd to us...

So can I tell the shadchan that I want to eliminate all girls who expect those things from us upon engagement? jk, kind of

Barbara

Sun, Oct 05 2008, 8:51 pm

greenfire wrote:

Flowers -- nope.

Engagement ring -- check; it was his mom's.

Wedding ring -- check again. But I have several additional wedding rings that were in my family.

Gold watch -- no for both of us. I did buy him a watch at one point or another, but its not gold.

Silver shabbat candlesticks -- no again. I received a couple of pairs of crystal ones as wedding gifts, and have my grandmother's brass ones.

Set of shas -- nope

Tallis and bag -- no again. I did buy them several years later. I grew up Conservative, and at that point had no clue that Orthodox men didn't wear them prior to marriage.

Siddur with name for both. No. As an aside, this must be an old tradition, as I have what appears to be a set of The Bride's Bible and a Daily Prayer Book from my parents' wedding in 1955.

Pearl necklace -- no.

Where do people get the money for all of these things? And isn't there also a kallah bracelet that I've heard of (and also didn't get).