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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Manners & Etiquette
Seraph
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 Wed, Oct 15 2008, 2:49 am
Being as I'm somewhat new to apartment living, I'm not really aware of the rules of the game, what people find annoying when their upstairs, downstairs, or across the hall neighbors do...
If you could make a rule what neighbors should and shouldnt do, out of proper ettiquette, I'd appreciate that. (Feel free to make the rules as long and as detailed as you like.)
One I go from chossidmom-
No jumprope in the house.
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hila
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 2:55 am
Yeah - no jumprope, no furniture moving after 9pm, and try and remember to lif, not scrape, furniture.
warn your neighbours if you are expecting lots of company, aqs tehy will make a noise in the stairway and walking around the house
Ball bouncing is also really annoying.
So is washing your merpeset with water and letting it drip, flow and make a mess on to your neighbour's laundry or wondows or merpeset.
I am really glad we moved to a house !
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Tamiri
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 2:59 am
Quit smoking. The smell travels.
Scraping the chairs - yeah, I remember that one from my parent's house. We could always tell when the neighbors were sitting down/getting up in the dining area.
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shosh
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 3:10 am
And no elephant dancing in the middle of the night!
I remember one place we lived in where the upstairs neighbours had loads of kids and they made so much noise jumping around that it sounded like elephant dancing!
I try to keep to the rules of etiquette and get my kids to behave better, but I have to confess that it doesn't always work especially when the kids open the windows and throw stuff down to the garden below, or they shout out of the windows.
But I do try ....
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freidasima
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 4:16 am
No throwing garbage out of the windows to hide things from mommy.
Yeah that sounds gross and who among us would do it?
But...
When middle dd was younger she loved to drink shoko amid, I would get the kind for tiyulim and hide it and she would find it and drink it in the girls room and throw it out the window so I wouldn't catch her. Now their bedroom window was right over the garbage room and so I would go downstairs and think "what pigs, they can't even get it into the garbage room? On the way to school they drink a shoko amid and just throw it on the asphalt??? CHAZERS".
Until I found out (years later) that it was my own little piggie who was doing it.
Also inform neighbors of anything you are about to do that makes a lot of noise and put up a sign in the hallway downstairs apologising in advance for such things.
And when you have a simcha invite everyone in the building, then they will never complain about the noise! We've done that for years...
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mamacita
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 8:24 am
Letting smoke fill the hallway, a clear way to know what shabbos is over, unfortunately
don't block the entrance with agalot! (not my building but a friend's that I frequent has this problem)
if you or your child spills something in the hallway/stairs, clean it up! don't wait till the weekly cleaner comes!
B"H we hit the neighbor lottery, everyone is very nice, clean, respectful. My upstairs neighbors do move their furniture everyday it seems, but B"H only during decent hours.
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BeershevaBubby
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 10:19 am
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Why is it that *I* can hear your annoying, barking dog at 1 a.m. but apparently YOU can't? If the dog is outside, bring it in. If it's inside, see what it wants!
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amother
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 7:15 pm
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Don't talk SOOOO loud on the phone that I can hear EVERY detail of your conversation...
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rexie
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 7:58 pm
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In our last apartment, we used to hear the couple next door fighting sometimes. It's really awkward to hear their arguments. If you live in an apartment, think twice before raising your voice so loud that your neighbor can hear your personal fights on the other side of the wall.
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GAMZu
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 9:29 pm
My mother has a neighbor who lets her kids run wild and scream nonstop. As soon as they come home from school and until bedtime. She doesn't even let them into the house! She takes their coats, puts out some soda and nosh on a kiddie table in the hallway and goes back inside.
The kids can be crying, calling, banging... nothing doing. They spill the soda, leave wrappers all over the hallway, ride their bikes and trikes and dump them at other apartments' doors, barricading them. 
I've lived there, too, but apparently it got worse as she had more kids over the last 5 years.
My mother and I have nothing against kids playing and making lively noise... in moderation. Not several hours non-stop, and not screaming to be let into the house, and not knocking on other people's doors because they need the bathroom or a bandaid because the mother refuses to let them in.
(And then she goes to the super and shows him the mess and says, "What's going on here? Why is this place always a pigsty? It's impossible to walk here!"
I know you would never even come close to this, Seraph, but since the topic was opened, I took the opportunity to vent. 
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ShakleeMom
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 9:34 pm
Treadmills, save those for the gym.
If you make fish, everyone will know.
And yes, everybody hears everything so keep it down.
If you’re going to talk Loshon Hora about your neighbor, do not use a cordless phone.
Never carry on conversations next to a doorbell intercom. Somebody can listen in.
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amother
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 11:21 pm
Kids play IN your apartment, not in the hallway.
Greet your guests and say goodbye to them IN your apartment, not the hallway.
If your bed is against a wall, place something between the headboard and the wall to keep it from banging.
Don't run noisy appliances late at night.
If you have kids and/or pets, you will make noise. Keep it to a minimum. If the baby is crying, take her to an interior room and comfort her. If you believe in allowing your baby to cry for two hours, move to a shack in the woods.
No indoor sports.
If you have a balcony, keep it quiet out there.
If kids will be in and out, leave your door unlatched or give them keys so they don't have to bang at length.
No tap dancing. (When I was in graduate school, my upstairs neighbor used to tap dance to relax, esp during finals. This was NOT a good thing.)
Keep TV and music at moderate levels or use earphones.
No bodily fluids off the balcony (don't ask ....)
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NativeMom
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 11:31 pm
When we were living in Brooklyn we lived in an all jewish condo building and every friday night the kids in the building would run around on every floor playing games, screaming at the top of their lungs...One night they started playing hand ball on our floor and hit the ball against our door. The noise woke up the baby and I was furious. We spoke to the manager and he sent out a letter to all the tenants, it didn't seem to work because they still do it.
Heres another one...
We were out of town and when we got home our bathroom was flooded and everything was covered in sewage. It looked like the apartment above us had a leek. After talking to some neighbors we found out the apartment was vacant and the owners (who lived on the same floor) let their kids us it as a play room. Apparently they decided they'd clog the toilet and the rest is history. We had a ton of damage, not something you want to come home to. Just be careful of anything that over flows, if the plumbing is bad it'll leek into other apartments....
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momof6
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 11:39 pm
| GAMZu wrote: | My mother has a neighbor who lets her kids run wild and scream nonstop. As soon as they come home from school and until bedtime. She doesn't even let them into the house! She takes their coats, puts out some soda and nosh on a kiddie table in the hallway and goes back inside.
The kids can be crying, calling, banging... nothing doing. They spill the soda, leave wrappers all over the hallway, ride their bikes and trikes and dump them at other apartments' doors, barricading them.
I've lived there, too, but apparently it got worse as she had more kids over the last 5 years.
My mother and I have nothing against kids playing and making lively noise... in moderation. Not several hours non-stop, and not screaming to be let into the house, and not knocking on other people's doors because they need the bathroom or a bandaid because the mother refuses to let them in.
(And then she goes to the super and shows him the mess and says, "What's going on here? Why is this place always a pigsty? It's impossible to walk here!"
I know you would never even come close to this, Seraph, but since the topic was opened, I took the opportunity to vent. |
Crazy! Sounds like neglect. Should you report her?
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chanagital
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Wed, Oct 15 2008, 11:53 pm
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My personal favotite is the stair stepper or tredmill and no loud printers right over my kids rooms....and you are exercising at what time... two a.m.?!? After 10 pm no loud noises if you got to hang up pics do it before that time. If you are crazy in the marital dept... take away the headboard or move the bed to where it doesn't knock on my walls what you do in your bedroom is your buisness not mine don't keep me up. If my kids are loud and obnoxious tell me not the manager. Watch your laundry don't put it in the washer in the morn and change it out in the evening... there are a limited number of washers and dryers and I have to do my wash too. You want to party.. envite me. I prob won't show... but at least I won't call the cops.
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freidasima
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Thu, Oct 16 2008, 6:10 am
Washers in EY aren't a problem. No building has them, you buy your own. But yeah I can appreciate the thin walls thing and definitely if you talk on a cordless phone know that much of the time your neighbors might be able to tune into the conversation if they have cordless as well.
As for moving headboards away from the walls, that's really true.
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happyone
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Thu, Oct 16 2008, 7:08 am
I could probably write a book from my apartment building days.
The guy upstairs that spent his nights pacing back and forth with HEAVY footsteps or what sounding like weights put on his shoes.
The single woman in the bldg with lots of little children that officially spent their days in the hallways from am-pm, riding bikes, playing ball and SCREAMING.
The washing machine upstairs that leaked every time it was used. No matter how many times we called that it's pouring into our kitchen, it didn't get fixed. (we ended up filing an insurance claim to repaint and re sheetrock the ceiling as well as replace ruined cabinets.) Didn't make them fix it though....
The neighbor next door that yelled on top of her lungs. we knew every phone conversation, every argument, every detail of what was going on in her life from behind our closed door.
The people that threw around the mail that didnt fit into the tiny mail slots each family had on the wall.
The garbage that shouldve been thrown down the chute but sat open in the stairwell.
The mess in the hallways.
Bikes blocking the entrances.
I couldnt go on forever.....
I got some nice experiences as well........ But these are some of many examples of things NOT to do.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Oct 16 2008, 2:38 pm
| momof6 wrote: | | GAMZu wrote: | My mother has a neighbor who lets her kids run wild and scream nonstop. As soon as they come home from school and until bedtime. She doesn't even let them into the house! She takes their coats, puts out some soda and nosh on a kiddie table in the hallway and goes back inside.
The kids can be crying, calling, banging... nothing doing. They spill the soda, leave wrappers all over the hallway, ride their bikes and trikes and dump them at other apartments' doors, barricading them.
I've lived there, too, but apparently it got worse as she had more kids over the last 5 years.
My mother and I have nothing against kids playing and making lively noise... in moderation. Not several hours non-stop, and not screaming to be let into the house, and not knocking on other people's doors because they need the bathroom or a bandaid because the mother refuses to let them in.
(And then she goes to the super and shows him the mess and says, "What's going on here? Why is this place always a pigsty? It's impossible to walk here!"
I know you would never even come close to this, Seraph, but since the topic was opened, I took the opportunity to vent. |
Crazy! Sounds like neglect. Should you report her? |
While it sounds crazy and this woman needs to be told it's disturbing everyone, my heart beats weirdly when I hear about reporting. It's NOT a nice thing to be reported (I've been reported several times for my age, don't ask). Also think about where the kids will end up (non Jewish homes at best, non Jewish institutions at worst).
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mummiedearest
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Thu, Oct 16 2008, 3:06 pm
if you have no carpet, do not get an office chair on wheels. kids like to ride across the floor on them, and it sounds like thunder downstairs. (my year of the upstairs neighbors from hell.)
kids must be taught that if they want to jump they have to do it outdoors. otherwise, on carpet only.
don't vacuum at 6:30 am.
if you must watch tv in the wee hours of the morning, get headphones.
if you are going out for the evening in high heels and intend to come home really late, remove the shoes as you enter the apartment. seriously. our former upstairs neighbors had a regular late night life on saturday nights. it's very hard to sleep when someone's walking over your head in high heels. I'm pretty sure they were stillettos.
don't fight near the air vent.
if you're bringing in an exterminator, let the neighbors know ahead of time.
don't smoke in the fire staircase.
let the neighbors know if you're having furniture delivered and you'll have to hog the elevator for more than five minutes.
if you have a pest problem, take care of it so the neighbors won't have to deal with it. (again, my year of the upstairs neighbors from hell.)
if you live on the top floor and the roof leaks, don't let it leak into the floor below you. (have I mentioned my year of the upstairs neighbors from hell?)
don't have the deliveryman put your packages on my porch, especially if they're bulky.
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Barbara
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Thu, Oct 16 2008, 4:40 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | | momof6 wrote: | | GAMZu wrote: | My mother has a neighbor who lets her kids run wild and scream nonstop. As soon as they come home from school and until bedtime. She doesn't even let them into the house! She takes their coats, puts out some soda and nosh on a kiddie table in the hallway and goes back inside.
The kids can be crying, calling, banging... nothing doing. They spill the soda, leave wrappers all over the hallway, ride their bikes and trikes and dump them at other apartments' doors, barricading them.
I've lived there, too, but apparently it got worse as she had more kids over the last 5 years.
My mother and I have nothing against kids playing and making lively noise... in moderation. Not several hours non-stop, and not screaming to be let into the house, and not knocking on other people's doors because they need the bathroom or a bandaid because the mother refuses to let them in.
(And then she goes to the super and shows him the mess and says, "What's going on here? Why is this place always a pigsty? It's impossible to walk here!"
I know you would never even come close to this, Seraph, but since the topic was opened, I took the opportunity to vent. |
Crazy! Sounds like neglect. Should you report her? |
While it sounds crazy and this woman needs to be told it's disturbing everyone, my heart beats weirdly when I hear about reporting. It's NOT a nice thing to be reported (I've been reported several times for my age, don't ask). Also think about where the kids will end up (non Jewish homes at best, non Jewish institutions at worst). |
Ruchel, I cannot imagine what it would be like to be reported to the authorities for no reason.
OTOH, I've represented abused and neglected kids. Far too often, people are afraid to say anything. This can end tragically for the child. Since I've never seen the kids mentioned, I cannot opine on whether they are neglected or abused. However, if Mom routinely refuses to allow them inside if they're hurt, or even to use the facilities, it does sound bad.
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