Baruch Dayan HaEmes- Bracha Elisheva Bas Kayla

ray family

Thu, Oct 01 2009, 4:34 am

this was sent out by Reb. Tzipporah Heller

Dear Friends,

I have to begin the New Year with tragic news. The battle that Bracha Elisheva was fighting is over. She was very much wanted both in Heaven and on earth, and the heavenly host prevailed.

I was with her the day before Rosh Hashanah. When I reached her house, she wasn’t even home. She was well enough and mobile enough to have gone down to a neighbor for a chat. I called her by my cell phone, and she said “just a moment”. I thought that she was in bed, and no one was there to open the door. I began to regret coming, when she clearly wasn’t up to a visit. Then the elevator door opened, and there she was, in full color, big as life, looking like any other woman does the day before a major holiday when a visitor comes. She was very much her lively self (as a matter of fact, she served me a drink and cookies. I saw that the effort both exhausted her and vivified her at the same time).

As we spoke, however, a dark presence entered. She told me that things were going down fast. She was having moments when she collapsed and lost control of her body, but for the most part she was feeling relatively well. We both understood that this new development meant that the malignancy had spread, and that the treatments that she was receiving were no longer effective. In fact, although the doctors saw her surgery as a success, and said that they had gotten out everything that they saw, her condition never really improved. She had pain, an unwelcome guest who had never come to stay. Only with the intervention of friends who knew other doctors who specialized in pain control, was that great enemy, constant unbearable pain, silenced and almost defeated.

We spoke about what Rosh Hashanah means. She said that she was ready to go wherever Hashem leads her, and that wherever He takes her is good. While neither of us spoke overtly of death, I did suggest that she make some videos for her little boy. At worst, it would be a memento of what she could later call “the bad year”. She didn’t protest the idea, and when I left, she was completely serene and in the best mood imaginable. Friday, Sara Nisha Kohen called and told me that she was in the hospital and that she had lost mobility but seemed aware. Motzaei Shabbos, almost as soon as Shabbos was over, Rabbi Gershonfeld (Rosh Yeshiva of Machon Shlomo, where her husband learned before Machon Yaakov) called with the terrible news. Her burial took place the same night, at midnight. Rabbi Brown spoke first. I had no idea of how close they were. He called her passing “the death of his oldest daughter”, and was barely able to finish the eloquent and moving eulogy that he wrote. Rabbi Chalkowski spoke, and so did a gentleman from Detroit who was the first one to open his home to her at the beginning of Elisheva’s journey. I didn’t catch his name (I did hear that his first name is Gary, but he is an older, dignified, and distinguished man and I am sure that this is not the best way to make mention of his speech). Rabbi Chalkowski summed up what everyone else said very succinctly. She was always growing and aiming higher, and always full of light.

The image sticks with me. So does the image of the shiva. I want Erev Yom Kippur, which was the only day that her mother, Claire, and her husband could mourn formally since the coming of the holiday ends the shiva. The room was silent. Neither of them had words nor wanted words, they just sat quietly and let themselves feel the support that came from everyone filling the living room that had been transformed into a chapel of grief.

Yom Kippur was almost organically connected to the events of the previous day. The sages tell us that a tzadik’s death is atonement. It is for this reason that the Torah reading for Yom Kippur is the narrative of Aaron’s son’s death. What was Aaron’s response to the double tragedy of the death of his two sons? The Torah tells us that he was silent, and that his unspoken acceptance is his great praise. He made no pretense of penetrating Hashem’s mind and will and reducing it to something a human can grasp.

How are we to take the death of someone so young, so spirited, so full of life and with so much to live for?

The Midrash in Shmot Rabbah presents us with a parable. Once there was a king. He had many servants who did their jobs faithfully and with great loyalty. They were assigned to work land adjoining the palace. One day the king called one of his servants aside. He told him that he was planning to travel to see the great and beautiful gardens that were in a distant land, and that he wanted his servant to accompany him. The journey took a long time, but eventually the king and his servant returned. By that time the other servants had completed their assigned tasks. The king paid them all, including the servant who he had taken with them. Some of the other servants protested. “Why should he get the same pay as we do when he worked so much less?” The king answered, ”He deserves payment because it was I who took him away from his tasks.”

In the same way we can question how a person can be taken when so much is left to be done. It doesn’t take much imagination to picture the kind of family Elisheva would have raised, or the kind of hospitality she would have offered, or the kind of kiruv she would have done. When I visited her in the hospital the day after what turned out to be her unsuccessful brain surgery, she was up and about and walked me to the exit. This didn’t surprise anyone else. They were used to her. She brought her dancing shoes with her to the hospital, just in case there would be someone with enough pizzazz to join her. Can you imagine the stories she would have told? The King will give her full reward for what was undone just as He will reward her for what is done.

When I came home from the synagogue after the fast, I was in a very Bracha Elisheva state. “YES!” I said to my rather startled family. “Let’s turn on the music and start planning Succot. Who will be coming? What will we serve? Let’s get into the simcha!”

amother

Mon, Oct 05 2009, 9:00 pm

Here is another letter sent out by Rebbetzin Heller.....this will answer a few of your questions

Dear Neve Alumnae and Friends,

Rebbetzin Tziporah Heller has just asked us to pass along this note about Jordan Gross Richmond, the husband of Bracha Elisheva, who passed away this past Shabbos, and who Rebbetzin Heller wrote us about earlier this week. May the family be comforted on thier loss.

Dear Girls,

Sometimes what isn’t said is so loud that it feels as though it was said.

I didn’t tell you about Jordan Gross, the most important person in Bracha Elisheva’s life.

Elisheva was never alone in her pain and illness. Her husband, Jordan, who learned in Machon Yaakov which, like Machon Shlomo, is directed by Rabbi Gershenfeld, held his wife's hand from the moment they first heard the unbelievable news of her diagnosis, until she breathed her last breath. His Avodas Hashem was caring for the woman he loved more than anything, and in doing so, he felt the pain she felt. But he also felt her triumphs and celebrated them with her and their child, Yosef.

Throughout the last 10 months of her struggle, Jordan continually took video of Bracha Elisheva speaking, playing with Yosef, and being with her friends, who routinely visited to give her chizuk. Clearly, although I felt my suggestion to make videos was an original idea, it had actually been a well integrated part of their lives.

Every phase of her treatment was hallmarked by his involvement. He worked tirelessly to ensure that she received the best care and felt as comfortable as possible. It was he who researched and interviewed doctors and surgeons in order to gain a clear picture of how to proceed at each phase of treatment. When her pain increased beyond a manageable level, he contacted the director of the Hadassah Pain Clinic in order to find prescriptions that could help relieve her discomfort. In fact, my pre-Rosh Hashanah conversation with her was made possible by that medication.

Those of you who have already sent me messages about your feelings about Bracha Elisheva are requested to please send them directly to Jordan (jordangross@gmail.com) so that the man who was so very much a part of Bracha Elisheva’s life can hear your sentiments about her and about the struggle that they shared.

The man who helped to jump start Bracha Elisheva’s journey is Gary Torgow. It was he and his family who befriended her at the University of Michigan and in a certain sense adopted her spiritually. May he too find consolation in the person who she became.

Sincerely,
Tziporah