walk of shame | Imamother

Shalshelet

Fri, May 01 2009, 12:26 am

amother wrote:

I thought it would help if I talk about it.
You're right I should never have kids. I'm a bad mother.

Maybe it can still help. Maybe you could let yourself relax a bit and love the child (both inside and out).
You're human, and no human is perfect - we all make mistakes. The key is to allow those mistakes to turn us into better people - Sheva yipol Tzaddik Vekom.

bubby

Fri, May 01 2009, 8:18 am

Oh, for crying out loud! Who said you were a bad mother??? Now you're being a drama queen. Look, if you wanted validation, most of us felt you were wrong, even though I don't think any of us believe your intentions weren't the best. Again, you asked, we answered. IMHO you need to be more open-minded & stop feeling sorry for yourself.

We all know raising kids isn't easy. You think mine are perfect? Rolling Laughter

I wish! A lot of the time it's hit & miss. You tried. Move on.

tziganka

Fri, May 01 2009, 9:35 am

First OP posted wanting us to validate her doing what she did, now she wants us to tell her she's a good

mother. I'm wondering how old OP is since to me this is typical histrionic teenage behavior, and I think we should all do like OP and not feed in to this negative behavior by responding.

Last edited by tziganka on Fri, May 01 2009, 9:54 am; edited 2 times in total

Mirabelle

Fri, May 01 2009, 9:39 am

My biggest problem with outside/inside as well as pretty much all of Gila M.'s book is that they have nice ideas but there are no citations!!!

Sometimes she quotes medical, psychological and Jewish sources and I personally don't know how you can publish a book without citing your sources!

tziganka

Fri, May 01 2009, 9:53 am

DizzyIma- I hear what you're saying about the citations but I really think those books weren't written as academic works (even though Gila Mandelson her self is an Ivy League grad). I read them as children s books with nice ideas.

Funny thing is- my DH, who I consider to be extremely intelligent, read the Magic Touch and loved it!

Last edited by tziganka on Fri, May 01 2009, 10:07 am; edited 1 time in total

Mirabelle

Fri, May 01 2009, 9:59 am

That is my point, she went to Yale, doesnt she know that?

I don't think its an academic thing, I think its a professional thing....I just personally wouldn't do it. I know a lot of frum books do this (I am thinking specifically of the niddah books that use "scientific evidence") and it bothers me everytime.

I do agree that she has some interesting points for light reading and she is a very engaging speaker.....

Tweedledee

Fri, May 01 2009, 9:59 am

amother wrote:

So trying to have a discussion with dd about dressing appropriate. She doesn't listen to me nor does she listen to other people who have brought same to her attention. Yesterday she went somewhere in a miniskirt. Called me upset to pick her up NOW because she was not comfortable in what she was wearing. I pointed out that she was well aware of this before she left the house and refused to run and save her from herself. Perhaps feeling ashamed she will think twice before going out in a miniskirt.

I'm only 24. I remember being a teenager. my mother still nags me for the way I dress (she gets on me about my skits being too long, not too short) but I can assure you that nagging will never ever work. it will only make her resist. and as much as nagging doesn't work, I told you so's work even less. it breeds resentment and will push her away. sometimes, the best thing you can do for your teenager is let them make their own mistakes and learn from them. lectures are useless.

greentiger

Sun, May 03 2009, 4:50 am

bubby wrote:

So why are you asking us? If you are comfortable with your decision/actions, why are you so angry with what we said? Dear OP, you raised the subject. We responded. I'm sorry if you feel were are wrong; if that's so, drop it, don't be so defensive. You're quite right, your DD, your decision.

Done.

Agreed. If you feel you did the right thing then don't let others put you down. You know the situation best and we only responded according to the part of the picture you shared.

Tweedledee

Sun, May 03 2009, 10:07 am

hey, like thwey said, you asked. I was just trying to give you a daughter's eye view of the situation. I know what it's like to be the nagged child and how there is no opinion in the world I valued less on the subject of clothes than my mother's. if I saw no one else was wearing it, then I cared, but mothers and clothes and teen girls don't mix, from what I remember.

shanie5

Sun, May 03 2009, 11:44 am

OP, I'm with you. If my DD did that, I would be there the first time, maybe even the second. After that, she would just know that no matter what she does, I will save her from her actions. She will learn nothing that way. So, unless she informed me that she was in a dangerous situation (life threatening-not neshama threatening-she is doing that anyway) I would let her learn from her own mistakes. because she obviously did not learn from my "saving her from herself" the other times.

My DD read just the original post, and said the op did the right thing. If a mother keeps cleaning up after her kids mistakes, the kid will never learn.

amother

Sun, May 03 2009, 1:13 pm

shanie5 wrote:

THANK YOU!

I was beginning to wonder why most people didn't seem to understand.

NotInNJMommy

Sun, May 03 2009, 1:15 pm

I understand OP, and I could see myself (please Hashem I should never have to!) resorting to someting similar, but I do agree with Shalhevet's idea to use it as an opportunity to praise the daughter's sensitivity and use it as a learning moment.

Of course, if this is a chronic pattern, maybe that method is too strict.

I certainly don't condemn OP, but do think OP should be wary of the tendency to be too gevuradik in a way that might Cv"S drive dd away.