a new twist. How to convince a Mormon friend she IS JEWISH?

Ima2NYM_LTR

Sun, Jan 31 2010, 1:08 pm

I have an online/phone friend who I have been mentoring. She is 19 years old with a 10 month old son

Both of her parents are Jewish. Definitely Jewish. Mothers Mother was born Jewish. No question.

She had a messed up life as a kid, with divorce, church hopping, mother dying when she was 9, moving in with abusive dad, step-mom baptizing her Mormon.

so a year and a half ago she got drunk (mormon no no) with a male friend, 6 months later she and the friend got married and 2 months after that they had a preemie.

Well now she is re discovering her Jewish roots. Her husband is in the army, so they are at an army base 3 hrs from the nearest Chabad house. There is one reform congregation in town, with a 'student rabbi' flown in 1x a month.

She has started taking classes with this Rabbi and he told her that since she was not raised Jewish, has no records of her families Jewishness and because she was baptized, she has to conver to be considered Jewish. WHAT!!!!!!

I called the Chabad house in Tallahassee, and hopefully they will be able to help her, but in the mean time, she has started doubting her own Jewishness thanks to this "rabbi". What do I do?

WriterMom

Sun, Jan 31 2010, 1:14 pm

Ima2NYM_LTR wrote:

Maybe explain, how to put this non-judgmentally ...? That the reform student rabbi is part of a movement to radically change how Judaism has been practiced for centuries (and often longer), and they consider how you were raised to be the critical variable, so yes, according to (some of) them she's not Jewish. All Orthodox (and Conservative) rabbis, however, rule consistently with millennia of Jewish law and tradition that if your mother is born Jewish, then you are Jewish, whether you know it or not, whether you were raised actively practising a different religion or not, whether you like it or not Smile

And then yeah, Chabad would be an excellent place to start.

I'm trying to think of a way to put it respectfully, because running down the reform guy she's learning with might turn her off. The key point is that Judaism as it was understood by everybody until about 75 years ago held by matrilineal descent, so quite apart from frumness, this guy represents a major break from that. Even reform people I know would agree with that description, it's just that they think that break is a good thing.

Ima2NYM_LTR

Sun, Jan 31 2010, 1:20 pm

I did talk to her and explain to ehr. She is now worried if she cannot prove her Jewishness, or if there is a break in the Jewishness that she previously didnt know about.

She has no living matrelineal blood relatives, her mother had told her as a child that her grandmother was forced to renounce Judaism when she got married to a non Jewish man.

Since she is not married to a Jewish man, and since she is just starting her journey, she is worried. She has been asking: "what if I cant prove it?" "what if I am not really Jewish, but I want to be?" "how can I help my son to be raised Jewish if I cant covert any way except reform since my husband isnt Jewish?"

She is 19 and this is a lot to deal with. I feel bad for her

HindaRochel

Sun, Jan 31 2010, 1:37 pm

OK, two things.
She very well MAY have to prove her Jewish identity, I don't know absolutely though. However, even if she can prove that, an Orthodox Rabbi may still want her to go through Mikveh.
As far as convincing her; I think the best thing to do is to have a Rabbi you are close with write to her and explain to her the law and how it pertains in her case.

A good Rabbi will know how to work with her. Let her know that everyone who is becoming more religious or converting faces hurdles and this is one of her hurdles. You can be her supportive ear, but let an Orthodox Rabbi take over the halachic issues.

rydys

Mon, Feb 08 2010, 9:46 pm

Actually, that reform rabbi may be right. When someone becomes frum, they do have to "prove" their jewish heritage. It is not enough just to make the claim. However, in the frum world, she would be considered someone who is a "safek" jew and be required to convert.

It is very important that she be guided by the right person, however, and have it explained to her properly. Since you are in contact by phone, maybe you can give her the numbers of Rabonim she can speak to by phone to help her through this.

HindaRochel

Mon, Feb 08 2010, 11:59 pm

Sometimes the person does need to go to mikveh as part of the tseuvah" process. But it isn't the same as a conversion. There is a book about a woman who became a BT who had lived the life of a Christian missionary...her mother had converted, and she didn't realize she was Jewish until she was a young adult. Playing with Fire I think it was called? But I don't remember the authors name...anyone? Anyway, that might be a good book for her to read.