Do you allow your daughter to take things to school with her

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother ↓

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 9:19 am

My 4 year old always wants to take some toy, prize, junk etc with her to school. Like silly bands, a book, etc.
I really don't like it because it promotes competition, and jealousy (and very much with her as well - she always tells me about what the other girl has, and what she wants, and that she didn't let her friend play with her thing, etc.)
What do you think?
I've always had this issue with her. In playgroup she insisted on taking things as well, but BH one of the Morahs let me know that if somebody looked at her doll from across the room, she would get all hysterical that it was hers, and it was getting out of hand. They told me not to send anymore and I was happy to tell dd that Morah doesn't let.
In nursery I continued not to let, but as the year went on she would cry and tell me that everyone else brought things and I felt bad and allowed her to bring things. Then her Morah told me not to send anything and I told her that Sara said that everybody else brings and she doesn't want to be different. I was so relieved when the teacher implemented a new rule and tried to enforce it with the parents.
Comes kindergarten and Sara is on again. Already at the beginning of the year I sent a note to the teacher asking her if she might want to implement such a rule, but nothing doing.
I really dislike that Sara brings things to school but I also don't want her to be different than the other children and the only one who doesn't.

Ruchel

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 9:23 am

Mine wants to take stuff sometimes. I tell her it may be lost, and other kids will want to play with it a lot, and may be jealous. After that, if it's not expensive, her decision...

BennysMommy

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 9:27 am

I don't think it's such an issue here. My son asks to bring something once in a while and I allow him to. I asked the teacher once if it was okay and she said it's fine. I have no idea if his friends bring toys or not...

If I was in your shoes, I would have a chat with the teacher. I would explain the whole situation and ask if she can encourage show and tell or have the children bring specific themed toys on specific days. (for ex animals, transportation, music etc) Explain to her how difficult it is as a parent and ask if she can please try to enforce no toys on other days. When I was a preschool teacher, there were some children that brought toys in all the time and we had a "keep in your backpack rule" They would leave it there, forget about it and that was it. The teacher can also explain to the children that it's to prevent their toys from breaking or getting lost. Of course all of this is only helpful if you have a good teacher that will actually listen to your advice/opinion.

Good luck!

yo'ma

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 9:33 am

I let my kids if the teachers allow it, but only if they bring it back Exploding anger

. If I care about the item and I know this child might lose it or give it away, then it's a no, no!

Chayalle

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 11:23 am

Big difference between taking along a small negligible item than a bigger item. For example, a few silly bands is IMHO not a big deal. If they get lost it's not a big issue. OTOH I know that it's hard for the Morah if kids bring in bigger items, like dolls, toys, etc...as it's kind-of placing the onus on the teacher to make sure the items come back home.

At the same time, I wouldn't promote a constant bringing of different tchatchkes all the time, as it just leads to competition and jealousy, as you say. So if my child would want to bring silly bands, fine....but I wouldn't let it be stickers the next day/week, and something else the next.....I would say stick to one thing for a while, don't let your kid be the one who always must have something new to show off....

BTW my kids sometimes had a "bring your doll to school" day (like when they learned the letter "D") so that's the time when they get to bring their doll....and not at other times.

louche

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 1:49 pm

I always told the kiddies to bring to school or lend to others only things they (and I) didn't mind losing. It's still a good policy in adulthood.

chocolate moose

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 2:02 pm

Nope. That's a mistake waiting to happen.

farm

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 2:05 pm

The school we send to doesn't allow the kids to bring in toys. If the teacher isn't on board with you, maybe speak to someone higher up. It's a pretty reasonable policy to request the school institute.

SingALong

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 2:31 pm

B"H DD's school doesn't allow prizes/toys/jewlery etc. to be brought to school. so whenever DD (age 6) cries that she wants something brought to school I remind her that the principal will take it away and she will never see it again. so she then either agrees to leave toy at home or keeps it safe n her knapsack

for recess she told me that her teacher doesn't have enough outside toys so I do allow her a choice of a jump rope, chinese jump rope, ball, hi-li, etc that she can play with by recess but share with others.

iluvmykidso

Fri, Oct 22 2010, 2:40 pm

I do not let my 3 yo take anything with her to school. but sometimes she sneaks them out of the house. if they get lost she knows it is her fault.

lech lecha08

Sat, Oct 23 2010, 2:28 pm

I don't let my kids take stuff with them. My 4 yr old's gan has a rule not to also.
If she's really attached to something, I'll let her take it in the car and leave it stays there until she comes home in the afternoon.

Aidelmom

Sat, Oct 23 2010, 2:31 pm

Normally I don't let her take anything with her. But lately the gan has been asking us to send things because they're learning colors - so for example this week we're supposed to send in something green.

↑ amother ↓

Sun, Oct 24 2010, 12:32 am

Thank you all!
It's usually small items that she (usually) and I are ok with losing. But I just don't like.
My daughter always takes something with her when we leave the house together to go somewhere. It's a security thing, and I have to approve what she takes, and I am ok with it.
But I really don't like the school thing.
Her teacher has show and tell once a week, and 5 kids in the class get to bring something in.
I really appreciate everyone's advice. I think I will ask the teacher if she has a policy about this, and if not, if she thinks that it's time to implement one.
If she's not on board, then I thinkI will enforce a new rule at home, and tell dd that she can only take aa hair accessory or silly band to school with her.
(I don't even like when she takes an umbrella with her. First of all because of the whole "Helly Kitty" part of it and the showing off and jealousy. (She doesn't need it anyway. She gets on and off the bus with her hood and goes straight inside.) And also be it can be dangerous to have a kindergardener carrying around something that can easily poke somebody else cv. What do you think about umbrellas? (So far, I don't allow her to take them when it's raining.)

shopaholic

Sun, Oct 24 2010, 9:46 am

As a teacher I hate it when the kids bring stuff to school. I even sent home a poem last week (that my mother composed) about keeping toys safe at home. Of course, 3 days later, the one kid who has a problem with this, brought something. I'm going to have to speak to the mother now.

↑ amother

Sun, Oct 24 2010, 4:41 pm

Shopaholic, I give you permission to post the poem, maybe in the teacher's forum, if it will help alleviate this earth-shattering problem. I'm quite proud of my literary efforts and I don't mind sharing!

love,

your Mommy! Wink

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