unusual wording on a wedding invitation

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

Unusual wording on a wedding invitation

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SavtaHelen

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 12:35 pm

I don't know which forum this really belongs in but I was curious...

I received a wedding invitation from the States. It states :

Kabbalat Panim at 6 Pm
Chuppa at 7 PM
Simchat Chatan and Kalla Dancing at 10 PM

What does that mean? What happens from when the chuppa ends until the dancing? Is this meant for people who are not invited to the dinner, and are expected to come to mesameach hatan and kalla?

Has anyone else seen this before?

Atali

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 12:36 pm

SavtaHelen wrote:

Yes. It means that you are invited to come later for refreshments and dancing but not for the dinner.

freshie

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 12:38 pm

It means that you weren't invited to the dinner. The ones who are invited to the dinner get a small card inserted in the invitation.

dora

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 12:45 pm

I'm sending out wedding invitations this week iy"h. I have these wording too but everyone gets a return card and on it is printed 2 options: dinner, or simchas chosson and kallah. People often can only come after their dh/dw are home to watch the kids or after kids are sleeping, so they are not there for the dinner. This way we know if we have to order more portions for dinner or a larger dessert table.

Mama Bear

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 1:31 pm

between chupah and simchas chasson v'kallah is the dinner. Some people like to know what time the seudah will be over as theyre not planning ot come to the meal.

flowerpower

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 1:33 pm

It is common invitation wording-not so unusual. You can come either for the kabalos panim or dancing after the meal.

PinkFridge

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 3:19 pm

flowerpower wrote:

It is common invitation wording-not so unusual. You can come either for the kabalos panim or dancing after the meal.

Or if you live close enough, leave after the chupah and come back later.

geemum

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 3:22 pm

I think it gives the guests [who are not invited to the dinner] the option to come join the simcha in the evening if they're not able to come for the chupa.

Isramom8

Sun, Dec 26 2010, 3:29 pm

flowerpower wrote:

It is common invitation wording-not so unusual. You can come either for the kabalos panim or dancing after the meal.

This.
I got an invitation like this from friends, and I was advised to ask them if we are in fact not invited to the dinner. I'm not asking them. It's clear. (Probably for financial reasons.)

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 5:01 am

Oysh. If the dinner is at the same place I would be offended that I'm good to animate the dancefloor but not to be given something! Unless it's family only dinner, that's not so common but totally ok.
IMHO better invite fewer people and create fewer resentment over it, but maybe it's polite in other cultures?

greentiger

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 5:56 am

completly normal from what I've seen. Ruchel, its not like they won't have food. There is usually a nice buffet for the "dancers" with many types of foods and drinks. Its just not a full 4-course meal. I think anything anyone does to make simchas simpler is great. There is so much money being wasted all for one small evening.

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 5:58 am

It's interesting, I have never seen a buffet and a dinner together!

I agree about making cost lower, btw. But to me it seems less insulting to invite fewer people for the whole thing.

greentiger

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 6:05 am

I guess it depends where. I have noticed in london for example this isn't done. Perhaps in france as well? Because the wedding halls are so far out that if someone is coming all the way, they deserve to sit down decently. But in places where the halls are more central, say in yerushalaim where friends may want to just pop in and out for half an hour without it being a full day event, its a pretty good arrangement.

imaima

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:06 am

Ruchel wrote:

I am feeling the same way about this kind of invitations. On the other hand, it is a mitzva to rejoyce with chosson and kallah, so everyone supposed to be doing it even without a meal, right?

But anyway, I wonder what do these people think, when they send it to couples with kids? You are supposed to take a babysitter and commute all the way to the wedding place to just... hmmm eat cake and dance? Oh yeah...

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:11 am

That. Unless they provide transportation, there will be oil or bus or subway money spent. Of course if the hall is 10 mins by foot and kids are welcome/baby sitter provided, that's different.

Isramom8

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:15 am

They are thinking that they want to show that they care about you even though they had to limit their guest list. They don't care that much whether or not you will show up - if you can, great, if not, fine, we understand.

We didn't do this, aside from the tons of seminary girls and bochurim who cxame to dance after 9. But we did invite some people only to our son's bar mitzva kiddush, and not also to the seuda which was a different night.

People have budgets, so it's hard to fault their choices about these things.

Ruchel, it's not a nice feeling to not be invited to the seuda. But had I simply been left off my friend's child's wedding list completely, I'd have been even more hurt.

yOungM0mmy

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:51 am

In London it's actually very common. Most of the halls only seat 200-300 unless you pay a fortune, and if both Chassan and Kallah are from the same town, each with large families, and friends, and their parents friends, you are really stuck - the numbers add up VERY quickly. My classmate had this situation, and only invited me to dancing and buffet. She is one of 10 siblings, as is her Chassan. Include aunts and uncles and cousins and siblings in law and nieces and nephews, easily 100. The parents had a certain amount of mutual friends, and then each set of parents got 20 or so invites, and then chassan and kallah got 20 invites each. And that's it - the room is full, and what's the girl supposed to do? Between her school friends, friends from the area, sem friends and work colleagues, never mind spouses of some in each group, there's no way. I would have been insulted if I didn't get an invitation at all - we were good friends from the age of 3-16, our families are very close, just because the two of us are not best friends anymore doesn't mean I shouldn't be part of her simcha. But I understood very well that she doesn't have space for everyone to sit down to dinner, and was not at all insulted that I only got invited to dancing.

Ruchel

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 7:58 am

300 is fully sufficient!
If need be, reduce to family and friends. If still too much, to family you are in contact with, and close friends.

Coworkers, classmates... are NOT friends and in many circles wouldn't be invited even if there was enough room. Unless there is no one else.

amother

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 8:14 am

This is such an intersteting conversation to observe - seems like most people in this disucssion are 'foreigners' (I.e. not NY'ers! Smile

)
This is THE standard wording on invitations here. When I saw the title I was expecting to see some kinds of interesting quotes or some strange wording on the invitation and in the beginning, couldnt make out what the OP's question even was!
Yes, people here usually have hundreds of people they would like to invite, or else they'd be offended that you forgot them by your simcha. Yet, hosting that many people for a full course meal is insanely expensive, especially when people already have large families. Therefore, to 'aquantances' (sp?), people send the same invitation minus the dinner reply card, which means I thought about you, I'd love to see you at my simcha, please come dance with me - and it even has a name, that time is called 'simchas choson v'kalla'.
At every wedding you have a whole second crowd -sometimes even more than the first crowd - that shows up at about 9, 10 and there is a whole buffet and dessert section for them and the original guest, and everyone just dances and dances away until the wedding is over!
I come from a large grade of 125 girls in my grade. All my friends obvioulsy sent me 'full' invitations but there were many girls whom I didnt have much to do with that sent their invitation to the entire class list, but invited them just for Simchas chosson vkalla.
Its the way things are done here. Nothing unusual.

Isramom8

Mon, Dec 27 2010, 8:18 am

It would be unheard of here not to invite the seminary classmates and felloe yeshiva bachurim. But only for dancing.

This is SO cultural. In Bnei Brak, apparantly, only family and close friends go to the chuppa. My teenage dd was mortified that I planned to attend someone's chuppa there. And then when like our whole town showed up at my own dd's chuppa, my teenage dd told her friend how clueless people are where we live, that they all came to the chuppa! (Teens have to fit in.)

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