Marry a poor girl, she'll be grateful!

Ruchel

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 4:03 am

We all know being ungrateful is frowned upon by Judaism.
Now, would you say this is a frum or a non jewish thing to say:

Marry a girl as poor as possible, so she’ll be grateful for everything you buy her.

I’ve just heard that statement, and as I’m a strong believer in men and women being different but equal, I just feel like ripping someone’s head off. What about you?

carrot

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 7:44 am

I don't know if I believe in that but I do believe in the (converse? inverse? what's it called?):

Don't marry a rich girl who is used to having more than you can provide.

There can always be exceptions but I think marrying a girl from a rich background can put a strain on your average guy.

hardwrknmom

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 9:46 am

There are poor people out there that are greatful for everything they have.

How about Rich woman who have everything and are so ungreatful they just want more and more!

Eizeh ho asheir hasameach b'chelcho.

Mitzvahmom

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 9:48 am

Humm... I hear things like that too. "He brings in a good check, you have kids. YOu should just be grateful he's interested."

All very very STUPID statements

amother

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 10:30 am

Quote:

Marry a poor girl, she'll be grateful!

Nobody told that to the guy I went out with before my husband. We were in a relationship for almost two years. I would have never stayed in it if I knew that he wasn't going to marry me. Lemme see what was his best excuse for not marrying me. He actualy told me "MONEY MARRIES MONEY" shock

those words actualy came out of his mouth. He couldnt marry me because I was from a "poor" (er) family. Whatever! I was realy grateful that my dh was not such an idiot! Smile

Imhappy!

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 10:39 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

Marry a poor girl, she'll be grateful!

Lemme see what was his best excuse for not marrying me. He actualy told me "MONEY MARRIES MONEY" shock

y'know what he doesn't need a wife let him marry money instead. shock

amother

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 11:00 am

Um - I agree with a guy who isn't rich not marrying a rich girl (from personal experience). My BIL, from a poor family, married a girl from a big choshuv wealthy family and they had problems from the start. She didn't know how to spend conservatively because she never had a problem with money her whole life. They were in huge credit-card debt and it put such a strain on their marriage. They ended up divorcing with my BIL having to declare bankruptcy.
Her parents were there to help them out but it was such an ongoing thing that they were miserable throughout.

amother

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 11:05 am

So maybe I'm realy lucky he had that attitude. He told me that we would run into problems like around yom tov when he would want a new suit and I would tell him he doesnt need one becuase he has nice suits already and stuff like that, that I would try to make him feel like he couldnt spend money because I didnt grow up with any. I guess thats why he needed to marry money so he would never feel any lacking in the free to spend as he wishes area....I hope he got what he wanted Confused

Flowerchild

Thu, Jul 20 2006, 11:06 am

I think a couple should have the same or similar money values so that way they can relate to one another better. if the grew up conserving money then they will continue to do so in their marriage or atleast try. money I think is a number one issue between couples, its the biggest issue that strains marriages. a poor girl might not neccessarily appreciate the money from her husband, she might at firsts but then she might say well you make enough so whats the problem. I also think that if a couple makes money together they will appreciate it more and value it more and they will have a better understanding of how hard it might be to make money.

withhumor

Mon, Jul 31 2006, 5:33 pm

You’re going back to the times of chazal, and attempting to apply it literally to today’s date. That’s silly and you should expand to make it applicable. I would assume that it applies to maturity, character, and intelligence these days. I highly recommend an age gap as well.

anon

Mon, Jul 31 2006, 6:45 pm

My husband believes somewhat in that idea. He would not have married a rich girl. He wasn't necessarily looking for someone poor, but he would not marry someone from a wealthy background. His thought process was something along the lines of "if we are struggling, then she'll be able to deal with it and be happy, and if we are comfortable, then she'll really appreciate it and won't take it for granted".

It makes sense to me. Unless a guy is rich, how is he supposed to support a rich girl in the manner that she is accustomed?? DH once told me that one of his friends (who doesn't have money) was dating a rich girl I knew. I immediately wondered how that could possibly work out. In the end, they broke up, and I think it was for that reason.

Wed, Dec 06 2006, 7:25 am

isnt there something in the marriage guides (maybe from the Rambam - please help with source if u know it) that a man must keep his wife on the level she was accustomed to while she was in her parents home? I disntictly remember learning that an thinking my husband is a lucky man cos I grew up poor!

chocolate moose

Wed, Dec 06 2006, 10:11 am

I think it's on the tzibur; if a family loses their money, they're supposed to be supported in the style to which they were accustomed.

We once had to raise money to buy back a home from foreclosure for a family, but I never heard of anyone doing more than that...

amother

Tue, Jan 16 2007, 12:17 am

I grew up well off financially--my sister and I always got whatever we wnated--and my in-laws were quite worried that I'd put a huge finanical strain on their son.

You can imagine the look of relief on my MIL's face when I told her I was only interested in weekday sheitels that had some synthetic hair, to keep down the cost!