Crying for how long?!?

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 12:22 pm

I just started my 2 year old dd in a playgroup because I am due soon and it was time to send her out (she was getting bored with me, we were so attached that she would cry if I leave the room and I was afraid I couldn't handle her+a new baby). She's been in playgroup for a month already and she still cries EVERY day when I drop her off. She also refuses to let the morah take off her coat the entire day and she does not say a word at playgroup even though she is so verbal at home and uses full sentences and everything. I knew it would be a hard adjustment for her as it is her first time out away from me but how long is normal to let her cry and not be herself all day? It breaks my heart to leave her and I'm thinking of bringing her back home but she really is a handful and I don't think I can handle her when I first give birth. What should I do?!?!

shabbatiscoming

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 12:28 pm

Some kids are just more attached than others. my daughter is in a gan where there is a boy who is in this gan for the second year and he still cries every morning when his parent drops him off.

I work in a gan with the same thing. and the kids in my gan are one year older.

I say, one month may seem long to you, but give it time, hopefully she will realize how much fun she could be having.

Barbara

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 12:37 pm

What does she do when she's there? Does she calm down and participate (even if not verbal), or is she withdrawn? As she is verbal, does she tell you what she thinks of it?

We used 2 complementary techniques with DS:

(1) Slow withdrawal. Someone stayed first in the classroom, then in the hallway until he was ready to be alone in nursery school.

(2) We played *ima and abba leave DS at school* We named all of his Playmobil and Lego figures after the kids in his class and the teachers. Over and over, ima and abba would drop the kids at school, kiss them, and then leave. A moment later, we'd play pick up time. He was only interested in drop off and pick up, not school day. I guess it gave him some comfort to know that ima and abba would always be there and pick up the kids.

ETA: this could be a bad time to start nursery school, as you're having a baby. Your daughter may be worried that you won't be as close with her once the baby is born (resulting in her clinginess), and being sent to school may cement that in her mind.

amother

Tue, Jan 25 2011, 12:45 pm

She stands on the side and watches the whole time she's there. She only participates in eating times (she's a big eater!). At home she talks about morah and the toys with a big smile on her face and the minute I pull up to the building she starts asking to go home. I tried staying with her at first but it seemed to make it even worse.

amother

Wed, Jan 26 2011, 11:58 pm

I went through a similar situation with my son, who was about 19 months old when he first started going to daycare. All he did was cry for the first couple of weeks. Then for an additional month or so, he would just sit on a rocking horse, sucking his fingers for practically the entire time he was there. He also never spoke while he was there, until I picked him up at the end of the day and he would speak to me in sentences - the morahs were shocked in the beginning. After a couple of months, he really started to find his place there. He made a friend and talked a little to his friend and morahs. He still isn't as verbal there as he is at home, but that's normal. He now loves it at school and talks about it all the time. I think the fact that your daughter is already talking about her morah and the toys at school in a positive way is a very good sign. Don't give up! Maybe the morah can give her a special cookie or some sort of treat that she'll then associate with going to the playgroup. Oh, and I would not suggest staying there with her. My routine with my son was to review what was going to happen before we got there, eg, I say, "we'll go into class, I'll give you a big hug and kiss and I'll say, 'I'll see you....'" and he finishes, "later!" and then I talk about how I'll go to work and come back to pick him up at the end of the day and how he gets to play with so many toys, etc.

The truth is, he still has some anxiety when I leave him there, but at least he's now happy a minute after I leave. Good luck!

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 9:46 am

BTDT.

Lots of sympathy, OP. It's horrible when you drop off your kid and she cries for you, and you quickly walk away...

Previous amother, I could have written your post! At the beginning of the year they used to tell me, "Oh, he said the cutest thing today" - and it would have been cute had he said it six months before. But at this point, he was talking in full sentences, on and on and on, and the teachers never heard that. Only thing is, he didn't do it when I picked him up either, just when we got home, so I think the morahs assume I was lying to them, or at least exaggerating.

It took him a few months to warm up, although he only cried for a week or so. He's still not 100% himself there, and acts like a much younger, less secure child. He likes it there, I know that. But he's still not comfortable there.

*Sigh*

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Jan 27 2011, 9:48 am

Oh, and yes, OP. He didn't participate for a few weeks at all. Just sat there watching everybody. I think they tried to shield me at the beginning by not telling me how horrible it was (which I was NOT happy about when I found out), I just thought he was a bit more shy than usual, not that he was sitting in a corner by himself Sad

But recently he threw a tantrum one Sunday because he wanted to go to gan. So even though he's still not completely himself, I think we're doing better Smile