help my poor child please

amother

Wed, Feb 02 2011, 10:26 pm

im having an issue and I can use any advice...tia
I used to be obsessed with my oldest child my whole life revolved around this child then when child #2 was born I still adored child one etc now im embarrassed

to say this but she really annoys me everything and anything she does gets on my nerves how do I stop this...I wanna love my child like I did!! Sad

p.s-the weird thing is dc is good always behaves etc

Grandmama

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 12:27 am

Firstly, how old is she?
Secondly, we cannot help your child, we need to help you get the help you need so that you should have patience and know how to deal with her.
Thirdly, if you just feel like getting rid of her, I will gladly take her, as will many others offer to do so. But I am sure that is not what you want, you just want to be a better mother to her.

6yeladim

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 2:06 am

This answer is assuming (wrongly?) that your new baby is pretty small. How long has this been going on?
I find that it's hard to predict how one will react to a second child. But what you're describing is pretty normal. You're falling in love with your new baby, and that is taking up all your emotional energy.

Eventually your emotions will balance out--your love for your older child is still there. Can your husband take over with her some of the time? Also, can you make the effort to spend time with her, reading her a story when the baby is sleeping or eating? As you do things with her and talk to her you will reestablish your connection. Also, encourage her to bond with the baby as well--when you see her caring for your loved one your loving feelings will spill back on to her.

EvenI

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 4:59 am

The more you do for someone the more you love them. See if you can focus more on what you can do for her on all levels.

Isramom8

Thu, Feb 03 2011, 6:49 am

Being pleased or annoyed with a child goes in stages. You'll get used to it. Just be a good mom anyway and before you know it you will enjoy your child again, maybe in a different way.

amother

Sat, Feb 05 2011, 9:48 pm

op here;
thank u all for your replies!!
ofcourse its something wrong with me thats y im asking what shud I do!!my older dd is 3
also I spend lots of time with her reading books playing with her etc (but all the while cringing inside)
my baby is over 1 years old...

granolamom

Sat, Feb 05 2011, 10:23 pm

do you ever get a break?
I'm a sahm and spend lots and lots of time with my kids. I find that they are soooooooooo much cuter when I get back home from having a few hrs to myself.
and it also helps to find something that YOU love doing that your child can do with you rather than always doing what they enjoy.
and in my experience, 3 can be a challenging age. harder than 2 in alot of ways. try to focus on things you like about her when she's annoying you, even if its a stupid thing like her pretty hair or how snuggly she was as a baby.
and dont be too hard on yourself

sneakermom

Sat, Feb 05 2011, 10:47 pm

Can you figure out what specifically makes you nervous about her? Did the same thing happen to you when you were a child...loved and smothered as a baby and then abandoned emotionally when you became three?

All mothers experience ups and downs with how much "love" they are feeling at a given time. So the first thing I would like to tell you is that it's relatively normal and more so, you are a wonderful mother that you are aware of all this and wish to work on it. No one expects you to be a mallach, a good person works out the kinks as they come along without going into denial or blaming other people.

A few ideas:

1. Write out on a piece of paper, without censoring your thoughts, everything you feel about this child. Purge it so to say. You might discover things you never knew before and it's a good way to get it out of your system.

2. Choose a time during the day, in which you devote five minutes for positive thinking about her. If bad thoughts intrude, literally push them away with your hand. Think only the good stuff.

3. Decide on a special nurturing thing you will do for this child each day. A special good word, hug, kiss whatever.

4. Make a pact not to be negative. Don't allow negative words or put downs out of your mouth. If you feel it coming, run out of the room.

5. Use back up whenever you can. Friends, husband, relatives whomever you can lean on, have them spend time with her and enjoy her. Also speak nice things about her to these people so they will admire her more.
6. Daven. Hashem will help you. You want to be a good mother and that is the main thing. You have already given her a beautiful babyhood....and that is the foundation. Wishing you hatzlacha with the next stage.

amother

Tue, Feb 15 2011, 2:52 pm

dear op. I could have written your post. I have 2boys one just trned 3 and the other is 14months!!
dont feel bad im sure what we are feeling must be normal!!
I also feel so exhausted most of the time and this must be part of the problem!!
hatzlocha

amother

Tue, Feb 15 2011, 8:56 pm

of course exhaustion has what to do with it!

when I'm tired, I can't stand my 2 yr old!

As long as I get enough sleep, everybody including me is jolly.

OP, are you getting enough rest?

amother

Tue, Feb 15 2011, 8:56 pm

of course exhaustion has what to do with it!

when I'm tired, I can't stand my 2 yr old!

As long as I get enough sleep, everybody including me is jolly.

OP, are you getting enough rest?