please help me see the light at the end of the tunnel!

lee

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 9:33 pm

this is hard for me to write but today I found out my son has been smoking for a year!(16)I just dont get it my daughter who is 10 is fighting to stay alive each day and he is killing himself. I always thought in my make beleive land that hasem olnly gives one test at a time.I love my son so much.I just dont know if I can handle anther thing on my plate. I know that I have surprise my self since my daughter has been sick(she is almost blind new thing in our lives.)but this smoking thing is so overwelming !.it is so hard to add one more thing to my life .(my head room is getting so very crowed) I feel like I have no more room ! so I guess iam just asking for help to see the light. thanks! lee (by the way its 4:30 in the moring here)crazy?

life'sgreat

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 9:52 pm

lee wrote:

I'm sorry you're dealing with SO much. It seems like you have so much on your plate and this is just one more additional issue to worry about Sad

.

Is it possible that this is his way of dealing with the stress over your daughter?

May your daughter have a refuah shleima. Hug

ila

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 9:57 pm

It must be really hard for you to find out this, when you are already dealing with a hard situation.May hashem send a refua shelema to your daugther and strenght and wisdom for you to deal with your son. Hug

javascript:emoticon(':hug%20red')

lifecoach

Wed, Mar 09 2011, 11:43 pm

lee wrote:

so I guess iam just asking for help to see the light. thanks! lee (by the way its 4:30 in the moring here)crazy?

By now, it probably is, or almost is "light" by you. Which is precisely the point. Take a deep breath. Know that Hashem loves you infinitely. Take one day at a time. Hashem is the light at the end of the tunnel, and He is always there.

Perhaps try speaking to your Rav, or someone who your son admires, who can talk to him. Daven for him. G-d willing, it is just a phase. Life's Great asked a great question, about the possibility of this being your son's way of dealing with stress about your daughter? Usually when kids start smoking, it is in order to fit in, be cool...and that is usually because they feel "stress" (of some kind) in their lives. Take it slow and be gentle on yourself. You are dealing with an awful lot, and sound like a very special person. Perhaps this will bring you closer to your son. And that would bring benefit for both of you! Wishing you much hatzlacha. May Hashem bless you and your family with everything you need. Warmly,

HindaRochel

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 12:25 am

HUGS....

May Hashem grant your daughter a refuah shelamah.
As an LIfe's Great said, I think this is probably a reaction to your daughter's illness. The stress and the anger and fear.

Is there someone your son feels close to that he can speak with, perhaps on a regular basis? He just may need an outlet for what he is feeling and feel he can't speak to you, not because you aren't good enough to speak to, but because he doesn't want to overload you.

manyhats

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 1:34 am

I am sorry you are in this huge bind.

It's unlikely that you can handle all these problems at once.

I think it would be a good idea if you give yourself a little break . Now would be a good time to do kind things for yourself and be with loving positive people so that you can re energize yourself . This will allow you to view these trying times with a new perspective.

When things are calmer reevaluate conditions . Son's problem is ongoing for a year.
Daughter's issues are quite serious and getting worse.

Concentrate on most serious problem . Break that problem in bits. Tackle them one by one.

Keep in mind that you are only human and can only do your best, however much you can .

Continue to marshall your resources. Lean on them for support . Emotional , physical , financial .... .

Wishing that Hashem's blessings are already on the way. Bracha

youngbubby

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 2:34 am

Boys in general have a hard time at this age,,then add a sick sibling. He needs help and understanding. Im sure it must be so hard on your family and I hope your daughter has a complete fefauh shilama but your your son on the other hand is going through a stage. I know you dont see it now but things will get better. Your son will grow up and make choices some u will agree with and some you wont. Hopefully the smoking is a stage and someone he is close with will talk to him about the health issues that come with smoking.Maybe a teacher or a close friend or someone u know who lost someone to a bad desase ...teenagers think that nothing will ever happen to them...its a hard road but the end does come from the teenager years...and they call two year olds the terible twos....they havent met a teenager.

lee

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 3:18 am

thank you for all your advice. it feels so great just to get all your suport and listening ear! ( I love this web site. side note, this is what imamother is all about!!for all the neigh sayers out there.) lee

grace413

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 3:42 am

May your DD have a refuah shlaimah and may Hashem give you the strength to cope with these difficult nisyonot. I know first-hand how much strength is needed to cope with a teenage boy.