3.5 year old with pants down in bed

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Preschoolers

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amother

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 2:29 am

My children were all playing nicely yesterday, when I noticed my 3.5 year old had temporarily slipped away. It turned out he went into his room, closed the door and blocked the door with a chair. When I went in there, he was in his bed, he looked embarrassed, and I saw his pants and underwear next to his bed on the floor. Should I be worried?

abound

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 3:01 am

I would keep a close eye on him and ask what he was doing. shock

Hippi Dippi

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 5:07 am

abound, why the shock? Most, if not all, children do m@sturbate--which is what it seems like he wanted to do from the sound of OP's post. At least he didn't want to make a public display of it all! I don't have boys, so I don't know of the halachic concerns at this age, but from a "secular" view you have nothing to be worried about; you can talk to him and ask him questions and maybe say, "it's OK to do that in private, but next time don't block the door with a chair" or whatever. This is completely normal behavior!

abound

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 5:22 am

I do have boys. I have one son who experimented for a short while, and one who has a constant habit of it. No one tried to do it with the door blocked or in hiding. They did not do it in middle of a lot of strangers, but to go into a room and try to hide and look embarrassed of mom is strange. Children are usually comfortable and not shy of such things unless taught otherwise. My question is where was he taught to hide this?
It could be that this home is very tzanua and mom always taught the child to be covered etc. and so the child knew instinctively that touching himself like that is unacceptable. That still does not explain the undressing of himself. A child that touches self, usually leaves his clothes on and puts his hands in his pants. A mom in such a situation needs to keep an eye out without scaring herself or her child too much.

Dini20

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 7:09 am

I agree with abound. Young children might touch themselves but they don't lock themselves in a room & take off their clothes to do it. 3 1/2 is quite young to be doing anything more than just touching himself.

DovDov

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 10:16 am

I also agree with Abound. I don't think there's anything wrong with touching himself, and I know many children who will stick their hands into their clothing or even take their clothing off to do it, but I would wonder why he is hiding it and whether someone talked to him about it or c'v's worse.

shanak

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 10:24 am

I've seen many children touching themselves. This sounds like something you should check out.

amother

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 10:26 am

Did he have a toileting accident? That could cause him to take off his clothes and be embarassed!!

amother

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 10:41 am

Health wise it's nothing wrong, neither is eating treif.
We need to deal with such problem, as Jews, before it becomes an ingrained habit that WILL lead to problems later.

MeadowsLane

Thu, Mar 03 2011, 10:42 am

I have two sons and touching themselves at that age was not uncommon. The furtive behaviour you describe is not typical from what I've seen my boys do. Just keep an eye on him, probably nothing.

Yael

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 9:56 pm

Quote:

Hi, there is a message up from a mom who found her child looking guilty and presumably hiding pleasuring at an early age. Important that someone bring to her attention that this is very frequently symptomatic of some kind of s-xual abuse so that it can be screened for and responded to. It may be a blessing that she saw that.
Couldn't create an acct now but basic responsibility says not to ignore this.
Thanks for passing this on.

flowerpower

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 10:50 pm

Op, did you talk to him? Did you ask him gently what he was doing? This is something you should look into.

Lady Godiva

Thu, Mar 10 2011, 11:21 pm

Yael wrote:

Quote:

This was my thought, too. The fact that he closed and blocked the door with a chair is a red light in itself. How would he know how to do that?

amother

Sat, Mar 12 2011, 3:35 pm

Thank you all for your responses. This child is always, always, always either in my care of in the care of a sweet older woman who I trust completely. She has an assistant, and they are always together. The day care is one big room and they would see if any funny business was going on. So it's definitely not something my child has been exposed to, but I still wonder where this strange behavior came from. It hasn't happened again. I know I said the chair was blocking the door, but it is possible that the chair was there for an unrelated reason (there is a hall closet next to the room and perhaps someone used the chair to reach something).

anonymom

Sun, Mar 13 2011, 6:44 am

At least one of my sons went through a stage at around this age where he would urinate in his room- in the closet, under the bed, and other strange places. He was old enough to know it was wrong.

jeliela

Sun, Mar 13 2011, 9:31 am

I think it's very important to explain to a child about their privates-and that its PRIVATE and no one should touch them in that area. I think you should still ask him if anyone has touched him in a way that has made him feel uncomfortable.

Raizle

Sun, Mar 13 2011, 10:46 am

like someone else asked, could it be he wet himself and was embarassed?
did you check his pants?

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