Mom insists on using the English name

amother

Tue, May 24 2011, 6:59 pm

We gave our son a name that has an easy correlation in English (for example Yaakov = Jacob). We call him by the Hebrew, but put the English on his birth certificate. Anyway, my mom refuses to use the Hebrew even though we told her that's what we're calling him. She wants to use the "normal" name because "this is America, and we speak English". She's even told her friends only the English name when asked, and now we have all these personalized baby gifts with the English name. If I introduce the baby as "Yaakov", my mother will even correct me and say "You mean Jacob!" I don't want to get too worked up about this, but it's really getting on my nerves...

chanahlady

Tue, May 24 2011, 7:29 pm

Sounds like there are larger issues here. Are you BT? Is your mother hostile to your being religious? Do you have other sticking points with her, on holidays or kashrut or whatever?

She's really going over the line by "correcting" your introduction of your own son, though. Like his own mother wouldn't know how to call her own child. I'm sure whoever is being introduced thinks this is weird, too.

saw50st8

Tue, May 24 2011, 8:07 pm

We had the opposite problem, and just kept refering to our son by his english name. Eventually, the family member caved because he wouldn't respond to his hebrew name as he wasn't familiar with it.

tzipp

Tue, May 24 2011, 11:42 pm

I think it's disrespectful. But what can you do really? I think just calmly correct her every single time she says it, "oh you mean Yaakov?" and don't use the baby gifts with the wrong name, and tell the freinds when you meet them "This is our new son Yaakov..." without telling or explaining why your Mom told them the wrong name, and if they ask why your mother gave them the wrong name, say "I'm not sure" All in all, be polite, calm etc. but you are the ones who get to choose the name.

(btw to saw- I think calling a kid who is generally called his english name by his hebrew name is not as bad, because of course the hebrew name is the kid's actual name too, and will be used in many situations as his name. Of course if it really bothers the parents it's not nice)

saw50st8

Wed, May 25 2011, 6:57 am

tzipp wrote:

(btw to saw- I think calling a kid who is generally called his english name by his hebrew name is not as bad, because of course the hebrew name is the kid's actual name too, and will be used in many situations as his name. Of course if it really bothers the parents it's not nice)

Well, its a horse of the same color. The baby's name is technically "Yaakov" and "Jacob" (per amother).

I'm not against his hebrew name, and he'll use it plenty. but at 1.5, he didn't really "get" it and it was more confusing for him. Now at 3.5, everyone calls him by his english name just fine. It was more that they didn't want to use his english name than that they used his hebrew name, which is what amother is likely upset with also. [We used a bib personalized with his hebrew name that my cousin sent from Israel no problem, but it was more the attitude of other relatives].

Isramom8

Wed, May 25 2011, 7:04 am

If it's essentially the same name, personally I don't mind. One of my kids is regularly called by the English pronunciation of her name by English speakers. When we visited the US, my father found it easier to use the English form of one of my son's names so people could understand what we were saying. Most people call these kids by the Hebrew form of their names, so it really doesn't matter.

A lot of people will naturally say Abigail, Sara, Jonathan, David, etc. with an American accent.

What irks me is relatives making fun of my kid's' names. Like calling Shevi Chevrolet. Exploding anger

smilingmom

Wed, May 25 2011, 7:27 am

I am not sure what your mother is talking about " This is America and we speak English"

there are no more english names. here are some of the most popular boys names for 2010.

http://www.babynames.com/Names/Popular/
cayden
mason
bently
grayson

Not to mention all the shakira's beyonce's, and zepplin's.
We interchange both names of our kids that have English names, ie Sometimes we call her Becky and sometimes Rivky.

My kids are lucky if I remember either of their names.

amother

Wed, May 25 2011, 7:36 am

My grown DD is Rachel. She pronounces it the Hebrew way, but my mother pronounces it the English way. We decided it was kibud av va'eim to let my mother pronounce her name as she saw fit, and didn't make any issue out of it. It hasn't confused DD in the least. She hears it when someone who doesn't know her and isn't frum sees her name anyway.

Wed, May 25 2011, 8:18 am

My kids just enjoy seeing how the doctor/secretary/dentist/teacher will pronounce their name "funny"

I would be really upset if my family didn't pronounce my kids' names the way I do, it is disrespectful and would probably be reflecting a much deeper lifestyle-choice issue (in my case)

NotInNJMommy

Wed, May 25 2011, 11:15 am

I would just agree to disagree....you won't tell her to use the hebrew name if she doesn't want, and she won't tell you what name to call your own child.

IMHO, it's not worth the fight. As long as she's not totally changing the name to something else (I've seen friends' relatives do this when they didn't get the name they wanted.), it's probably best to let it be.

When the child is old enough, he/she may request to be called by their hebrew name. The grandparents may receive that better than hearing it from you.

CatLady

Wed, May 25 2011, 11:43 am

I agree with the "pick your battles" camp - if Yaakov becomes Jacob or Jake, it's not a particularly big deal. In my family we have a tradition of one person having a bunch of nicknames. Chana might respond to Hannah, Chana, Chanaleh, Hannah Montana, etc., etc., depending on who's addressing them.

If, however, Grandma wanted the baby to be called something completely different and insists on referring to little Yaakov as Bentley, you bet I'd speak up. Unless there was some "other" reason, like the time they took colicky Yaacov for a drive in a Bentley and he calmed down immediately. In which case, the nickname is organic and not a more-aggressive-than-passive "Why didn't you name your baby Bentley".

(Disclaimer: Nobody in my family drives a Bentley, or renames babies according to whim.

Mommy3.5

Wed, May 25 2011, 12:25 pm

I'd be annoyed. One of my kids has two names, one I really don't care for, anyone who calls her by that name gets corrected. I would say "Mom, if you don't call Yaakov by the name we prefer, then we might need to rethink how much time we spend with you."

Or you can say it nicer, "we Prefer you don't confuse him by calling him a name he is unfamiliar with"

For future kids, don't tell her the English name.

amother

Wed, May 25 2011, 12:28 pm

OP here.

I know it's silly. I like the idea of just letting my mom use the English but asking that she not correct me or tell other people.

For the record, I am not a BT, though I am frummer than my parents.

I guess the real reason it grates on me is that naming our child and deciding what to call him was the first decision we had to make as parents, and if that decision isn't being respected, it sets up a pattern for the other parenting decisions we will have to make.

amother

Wed, May 25 2011, 12:40 pm

Is it possible she has more of a connection with the other name? IE you named your child after someone who she knew as the English name?

I know someone who was named after both grandfathers of the mother. Her father and mother called her son by their father's name even though one of them wasn't the name anyone else used.