Do your parents or in-laws have favourite grandchildren?

Jewishmofm

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 12:37 pm

I probably wouldn't be so bugged if someone favored our kids Wink

. . .my mil just doesn't get my kids, and is wrapped very tightly around niece's finger. my parents favor their oldest grandson, but my kids don't realize it.

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:00 pm

my mom makes a HUGE difference between her grandkids (let alone the fact that she favors my brothers kids when my sil is the one who talks bad behind my moms back for no good reason) and it bothers me a lot! I am not sure why it bothers me so much being that I myself dont have kids, but I guess I feel bad for my nieces and nephews my sister and brother.

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 1:46 pm

we probably wont have that problem so soon, cos eventhough we are expecting nr 1, neither my sibling, nor dh's sibling is married yet. even IF , our parents are very fair ppl Smile

BUT my dads mom defiietely liked me least of all her grandkids, eventhough I spent most time with her as a child. it has to do with the fact, that she liked my father less than his siblings. and she would have even said it. she was never mean to me, she just prefered the others- gave them presets, said how intelligenmt they are etc. it really never bothered me because my moms mom and dad loooooved me dearly. I was like their fourth kid. I slept at their house whenever I felt like it, they would take me on vacation and tiulim etc. they had another grandchild, but he lived oot and he saw them only once a year (which is ok, cos his other grandparents in turn looooved and spoiled him dearly , lol).

I think it is sooo important to tell kids all the time how much they are appreciated and loved. I cant understand that one could have a favorite child/grandchild or even student.

IamAJewishWoman

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 6:20 pm

parents often show us the right path- but sometimes parents do things so we should know what not to do..

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 6:33 pm

I think there was a Q. about this in mishpacha magazine this week or last. check it out.

I think my parents have a favorite and I think my kids are it but even among my kids there is still favorits. what can you do you can't controle other people and you can't correct adn rebuke you mom or mother in law so live with it and love all you kids and brag about the other ones a little more around her.

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 6:45 pm

There was a time when both my son and my nephew were in trouble. One was sent away to a facility 5 hours away, the other on "house arrest" but in the yeshiva nearby. My parents came to visit, and took the 5 hour drive to see my nephew, but didnt travel 2 miles to see my son. Favoritism???

amother

Sun, Jul 31 2011, 8:04 pm

amother wrote:

maybe your nephew needed more support that he wasn't getting from his parents, so your parents felt they should step in. if its bothering you why not ask them about it, I'm sure there's a logical reason behind it

amother

Mon, Aug 01 2011, 12:46 am

amother wrote:

My nephew got plenty of support from his parents. They drove to visit him as often as possible. My mother went with my sister to visit him. She just forgot that my son needed chizuk too. Its only after I said something that she made the effort to visit him. She could easily have done both. My son was a few minutes from us.

Its a regular occurrence in general. The only time my parents make time for us is when I say something. Otherwise we are often forgotten.

buzz

Mon, Aug 01 2011, 11:55 am

so far on my in laws side we are the only grandchildren - I am enjoying that status for as long as I have it!!!!!

DovDov

Mon, Aug 01 2011, 12:20 pm

I had three grandparents growing up. They were always loving to all of us and careful to give mostly equivalent gifts. On one side I had a single cousin, and as that grandmother was trying to be equal between her sons (I'm one of seven) that cousin got more lavish gifts, but we never saw her growing up so by the time we became aware of it we understood the back story.

Over the years, different grandchildren were the "favorite," but in each case there was a reason and no one was sidelined. For example, my one grandmother was very close to my sister who was very like her in personality. Well, that made sense, and as she didn't invite her any more often or give her nicer gifts -- they just clearly enjoyed each other's company more -- I don't think it bothered any of us. Later, that grandmother focused a lot of attention on my youngest brother who was always in major strife with my parents. We all understood that he needed extra love from somewhere nad I think we were kind of relieved she was stepping up to some extent.

My grandfather spent much more time with my older brother than the rest of us. Well, my older brohter was the only grandson he knew as a teenager, and my mother was an only child so my very scholarly grandfather had no other offspring to "learn" with. He derived much pleasure from my brother. Yes, there was a time I resented some of their special bond (and especially the fact that my grandfather gave all of his sefarim to my brother without thinking any of the rest of us would have wanted some of what were essentially family heirlooms) but on the other hand, it did make a kind of sense. Of all of us, I was the closest to my grandmother for the last few years I was at home, because I was the only one who spoke her language fluently and could really talk with her. When I left the home, one of my younger sisters took up visiting her, and developed the language facility to really interact, and now she is closer than I.

I think one of the reasons this was all sort of innocuous is that it was never a matter of love with any of them. The love was always there and it was obvious not in the gifts we received (which were always commensurate with the exception of the bequest of sefarim) but mostly in the hugs and the looks in their eyes. Would I have preferred that my grandfather have split his time equally among the grandchildren? No -- he would not have had nearly as much pleasure and no one would have had the opportunity to grow from his Torah the way my brother did. And yet, some would describe my brother as his "favorite."

sped

Mon, Aug 01 2011, 6:06 pm

My baby is definitely my IL's favorite, at least for now, but my bil's and sil's seem to see him that way too, so I don't think there is any resentment.

flowerpower

Mon, Aug 01 2011, 6:34 pm

B"h I don't see any favorites by mom or in laws. To those that see them have favorites-it must not be easy.