How to answer DS's questions...

Chippies

Thu, Oct 27 2011, 7:46 am

morah

Thu, Oct 27 2011, 8:04 am

The Shabbos/YT question I can't think of for a 3 year old (the answers I know are too halachik and/or philosophical), but as someone FFB with BT parents, I can tell you a little about some of the others. Re: non jews and the Torah, you can tell him that the non jews didn't stand at Har Sinai with us and didn't get the Torah, so they don't have to keep the mitzvos and there's nothing wrong with that. And they DO have some mitzvos that they have to keep (as we learn in this week's parshah)- they are not allowed to steal or hurt people, they must be kind to animals, and they're not allowed to do avodah zarah.

If a Jew is driving on Shabbos, stick with the "he doesn't know the Torah" answer. If he presses further, you can say that we should try to teach Torah to Jews who don't know better by inviting them for Shabbos- and maybe follow through by doing just that.

Not wanting to do mitzvos- well, there are lots of things we sometimes don't want to do. Sometimes, we don't want to go to bed at bedtime, or take a bath or eat our vegetables, but we still have to do them. It's ok to sometimes feel like you don't want to do a mitzvah, but you still need to do it. It's good and healthy for us (well, spiritually- not sure how to explain that to a small child) and it's how we get closer to Hashem.

mummiedearest

Thu, Oct 27 2011, 8:36 am

I'm going to try to answer some of these questions as I would for my very inquisitive son.

Chippies wrote:

Lately, my almost 3 year old has been asking me good questions about Judaism that I just don't know how to answer to his level. Does anyone have any recommendations of books that help with this sort of thing? Or perhaps some good answers to the following questions would also help:

Why can we cook on yontif but not shabbos? (I answered because shabbos is a day of rest and yontif is a day of being happy and eating a lot....then he responded that we make kiddush and eat challah on shabbos too, so why can't we cook? I was stumped)

because the torah says we can cook on yom tov but not on shabbos. (this is the reason we do these things. if he wants to know the reason behind the mitzvah, that's another question. I would probably tell him I don't know, but I would either ask my rav or call my rav and have my son ask the question.)

Why do some people work on shabbos?

some people don't have to keep shabbos. non-jews are not ALLOWED to keep shabbos. and some jews work on shabbos because they don't understand how important it is to keep shabbos.

Why don't the non jews follow the mitzvos in the torah? Do they think Torah is yucky? They don't like Torah? (Usually, when we see someone doing work or driving on shabbos, I say that he's a [gentile]...perhaps that's the wrong tactic? I also once tried saying that the man working didn't understand Torah and is missing out on shabbos and how sad that is, but my son just continued to ask why this man didn't understand Torah and why wouldn't he just walk to shul like us? Again, I was stumped).

Hashem gave the torah to the jews as a special present. the non-jews don't have the torah, so they can't keep it.

man not understanding torah-- his mommy probably didn't teach him to understand torah. you're so lucky that you're learning torah, not everyone is so lucky to have such a special thing to learn. he won't walk to shul because he doesn't know when to go, where to go, or what to do there.

How can I thank Hashem if I can't see Him? (We got a children's book called "The Invisible Book" to help answer that question, but it didn't seem to do the trick).

how? by saying thank you. you can thank mommy from another room when you can't see her, right?

Also, what's the best way to respond when he says things like, "Hashem is nowhere!" or "I don't want to wear a kippah" or "I don't like doing mitzvos". (He is generally a very good kid, but he gets kvetchy at times, like everyone).

I don't know that there are any concrete answers to these. "hashem is everywhere, but we can't see him." "okay, would you like to wear one of mommy's snoods?" (my son loves playing with my various head coverings.) "why don't you rest for five minutes? maybe in five minutes you'll like doing mitzvos again."

Any tips/advice are very welcomed! He's obviously a very bright kid so I worry about how I answer each question.

answer the exact question he asks. also, see if you can find a rav who would be willing to discuss the more difficult questions with him. I haven't done this with my son yet, but I know my rav is happy to discuss torah subjects with him, and this is my emergency plan.

in answer to any question regarding why we do certain halachos, I find the best answer is "because Hashem told us to." my kids accept that, it is a true answer, and it teaches them that we do what Hashem wants, not what people want.

amother

Sun, Oct 30 2011, 8:43 pm

just want to add that my 4 yr old DD does this to me all the time. Her questions are so deep that she freaks me out sometimes but Ive learnt to say "wow that is such a great question! were gonna have to ask totty!" (although totty might not know I can warn him or I can try to get an anwer myself.

*DD did something "not good" on shabbos so I said "oy yoy yoy, Hashem & mommy arent too proud now" so she says "is hashem allowed to write on shabbos? how does he keep track of all mitzvos and aveiros that ppl do on shabbos?" shock

*She's always bugging me when I'll have another baby...so my standard answer is "we all have to daven to hashem & ask him that mommy should be healthy and strong & have a baby" so one day as we're walking in the street she shoots this question at me "Why do non jews have babies then? Hashem is giving them babies even though they arent davening? So why do we have to daven?" I was dumbstruck!

Ive learnt over time not to take her so serious cuz she is usually satisfied enough with the basic answer and it isnt like she's REALLY questioning yidishkeit she's just thinking a lot & sharing her thoughts . I'm just amazed at her thinking. It isnt only in yidishkeit. Her questions & her thoughts are truly astounding.

mummiedearest

Mon, Oct 31 2011, 6:18 am

Chippies wrote:

Morah and mummiedearest, thanks for those great answers! I wish I had you by my side as my kid was asking these questions.

As for having my son talk to a rav about his questions, I think he's too young for that currently. And he is a very shy kid so I don't think he'd be comfortable asking his questions to anyone other than me and my husband.

chippies, if the question is important enough to him, you can call your rav and put him on speaker phone. tell him that your child wants to know the answer to this question and is listening to the phone call. you may want to ask your rav if he would be ok with this. again, I haven't had to do this yet, but I know my rav always talks to my son on his level when we see him, and I know that my rav would be ok with answering his questions. I think that having your son hear you ask his questions is great for chinuch. I know lots of people who avoid asking shailas whenever possible, and I'd like my son to feel comfortable asking what he needs to ask. I make sure he hears me mention asking shailas every once in a while so he knows that the option is there. another way to do this is to send your son to shul with your husband and have your husband ask the rav the question with your son in attendance.