Appropriate reaction to “stupid” from a 3.5 year old?

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 12:40 pm

My 3.5 year old boy says “stupid” ALL the time. He calls his toys stupid, me, his siblings etc. Until now, I’ve been ignoring it, hoping that if I don’t make a big deal out of it (he would spend the entire day in time-out) he would just grow out of it. The other day he called his Morah in daycare stupid. She put him in time-out, and told me she didn’t think ignoring it is the right strategy since it’s a “bad word”.

I am sure I am not the only mother dealing with this. How do you react to your kids using “stupid” at that age? What’s the appropriate punishment, if any? (Talking to him about “hurting other people’s feelings” won’t work, he is still at that age where conversations like that don’t really make an impression….)

curlytop

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:14 pm

I tell my kids I will have to wash their mouths out with soap since its a dirty word.
Seems to freak 'em out enough, lol. Never actually had to do it, they stop right away.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 1:17 pm

curlytop wrote:

I tell my kids I will have to wash their mouths out with soap since its a dirty word.
Seems to freak 'em out enough, lol. Never actually had to do it, they stop right away.

in our house its pepper, and it HAS been used a few times. weve gotten to the point now that my son (4.5) will tell daddy he needs pepper, or he will tell our guests on shabbos (that has only happened once or twice)

amother

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:09 pm

I have this problem with my 3 yr old. Timeouts don't do much at all. What works a little bit is really talking him up when he expresses himself nicely and uses good words. I also "put him in charge' of my older kids' language. And when he does use the word I do not make a huge stink out of it b/c when I used to I would catch him smiling a bit. He liked getting a rise out of me. He's not in school yet but I'm dreading him calling his morah stupid....

ray family

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:16 pm

I think firstly you have to look at your own speech. do you ever say stupid- even accidentally? he has to be picking it up from somewhere. if not he's prob also getting too much neg attention every time he says it.
I would tell him we dont use that word/ we dont talk like that and move one. don't pay too much attention.
hopefully he'll outgrow it. if not then take harsher methods- punishing-taking away s/t he likes or not allowing him a certain treat etc.

gold21

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:19 pm

I would also ignore it, but if it has come to a point where you think it should not be ignored anymore, I would try Time Outs.

forever21

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:24 pm

I think ur sons morah putting him in timeout is a bad idea. lots of times, kids that age are just testing out these bad words to see what kind of reaction theyll get. if hes saying that word for attention, or even if hes not, making it into a big deal is one way to get him to keep saying the word. when my son says stupid (hes also 3) I just tell him thats a bad word, we dont say those words and then I move on.

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 2:35 pm

Thanks everyone. When I said I "ignore" it I meant not make a big deal out of it, he KNOWS it's a bad word. But like many of you said, if I make a big fuss out of it, I think he would be inclined to say it more often. Also, it's not the worst thing he does, so I would rather pick my battles, in terms of punishments....

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:14 pm

ray family wrote:

if he has older siblings or is in school/playgroup/daycare he could easily have picked it up there too.

Ema of 5

Thu, Jan 19 2012, 3:27 pm

fiddle wrote:

I just told my dd to replace stupid with silly. She's fine with that

stupid and crazy have both been replaced with silly Smile

yo'ma

Fri, Jan 20 2012, 6:10 am

IMO, stupid is not a bad word, but a not nice word. I agree with not making a big deal about it and just teaching to change the word.

amother

Fri, Jan 20 2012, 10:00 am

I'm the previous amother...so funny, I was thinking abiut this again yesterday and I remembered that the other thing I did was to give him a better word to use. I would tell him that instead of "That's stupid!" to use "That's silly" instead. Stupid isn't such a horrible word but when used with a bad tone and to a morah, it's not so great.

Chayalle

Fri, Jan 20 2012, 10:15 am

It's always just about at this age (3 year old playgroup) that my kids go thru this stage - picking up "not nice" words and trying them out on everyone.

What I do is - first I inform my child that this is a "not nice" word that she just said (I have girls!) Then I tell them that they may not use that word anymore. If they say this word then they will have to get their mouth washed out.

Then if we need to (like it's been repeated) we march off to the bathroom to rinse out their mouth with water. My DD will resist me with all her might, even though it's only water.

Then I tell her her mouth is clean and I only want to hear nice words.

It has worked!

amother

Fri, Jan 20 2012, 1:56 pm

It's a phase they go through. My dd did that too when she was 4. I wouldn't wash out their mouth or even threaten to do that--that's too much.
Voice your disapproval but don't make it a big deal. It's gonna pass.