need advice | Imamother

amother

Mon, Feb 06 2012, 11:19 am

My 2 year old daughter is adorable, very verbal and has a real mind of her own. A real personality!

She recently started playgroup a couple of blocks away from my house, which she loves.

Schedule:
1. First tantrum- getting her into the carriage. She wants to walk, but that means her running and me chasing after her, which is not an option.
2. Second tantrum- there are bikes in front of the playgroup, she wants to ride them so I have to shlep her into the playgroup with her screaming and kicking. Her teachers always tell me that she calms down after a minute and then gets all smiley.
3. Third tantrum- when I pick her up. Same story, she doesn’t want to go back into the carriage.
4. Fourth tantrum- in front of my house, she wants to stay downstairs.

I love her to pieces, but I’m slowly losing my mind.

When she throws a tantrum in my house, I just go on with what I’m doing and try very hard not to get angry. I do not give in.
When I’m on the street it’s a different story.
HELP!!!

5*Mom

Mon, Feb 06 2012, 12:29 pm

It sounds like transitions are challenging for your dd, as they are for many children at this age (and older). She needs lots of patience, some more time, and a transitioning activity to help her make the switch more smoothly. I'd let her walk if it helps her, I'd give her time to ride the bikes before going into school, etc. You can give it a time limit gently, if you need to, but this is a developmentally appropriate need of hers and I would try to recognize that and meet the need.

be good

Mon, Feb 06 2012, 12:39 pm

I agree with 5*. I have a dd same age, with the same tendencies, and schedule. Smile

warnings and explanations work wonders.

So does distraction. if she doesnt want to do something/go somewhere, I would pick her up/bend down to her height, and lovingly and enthusiastically start taking about something. anything, really. like "remember the book we read yesterday, with the boy, and the car? do you remember what color the dog was? yes! it was brown! should we read that book again..." while she is absorbed in the conversation, slip hr in the stroller, or help her into the stroller, and go home.

I was recently on modified bed rest, and having a 20 month old, strong willed and active dd that I wasnt allowed to lift helped me learn how to make my will, my toddlers will Smile

luvinlife

Mon, Feb 06 2012, 1:00 pm

I agree with the other amothers. They need advanced warning like a few times and maybe bribe her a little bit. My dd was like that too but she grew out of it eventually. It was sooo hard then but now that she's older I'm loving her personality and how she's become. So there's hope they really do grow up!

amother

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 10:03 am

Thank you all! I forwarded the thread to my husband so both of us can glean advice.

The problem is that I’m always in a big rush, since I have to drop my baby off at his babysitter, and then run to work. This morning I woke up extra early. I was calm enough for any mishaps and had time to give my daughter the extra time she needed.

She didn’t throw one tamtrum this morn- boy, I feel so much more relaxed today.
Let’s hope it will last!

ozfest

Tue, Feb 07 2012, 10:27 am

Just another word of encouragement here. My dd is the same and I often dread public outings because of the sudden flare ups (which just as quickly die down). A few things that have worked for me:
1. Keep calm. My personality is so similar to hers and I tense up just as quickly. If I can take a step back when she starts melting down, I find myself able to think clearer and diffuse the situation faster.
2. Set out your expectations before the event so that your dd knows what's coming up...it's great that they have minds of their own but it can help if they know what to expect in advance. For example, tell her that as soon as you get home, you'll be going upstairs and you don't have time to stop on the way..she may protest but once you get home it won't be a surprise to her when you hurry up the stairs. you can include a bribe or reward her for listening to you. making a game out of it or racing up the stairs might help too.
3. I second, third and fourth distraction. Getting my dd into the car in the morning is a nightmare, especially when she's involved in her games..letting her choose what CD she wants to listen to gets her excited for the next event. The same goes for the stroller - you could put some fun toys inside or ask her choose a doll to sit next to her (of course, snacks work too if you don't mind the crumbs) then distract her with small talk/songs/questions all the way to school.... Smile

It's a tough job but watching these little personalities develop makes it worthwhile. Smile